Reika-sama – 060

Everybody, please check the FAQ first before asking me questions.
If it’s not on there, please feel free and ask. I only get annoyed at questions when the same one has been asked 10+ times, and by then I’ll have updated the FAQ.

Thank you for your consideration, guys!


Evil God Army members, assemble: https://discord.gg/0usrKNKKbEkpFdiV


I was struck by a craving for cup ramen.
To begin with, I don’t even eat real ramen. At the Chinese restaurants that my family goes to, at best they have high class soup noodles.
What I want is miso ramen with lots of bean sprouts and corn!
But the hurdle for this is probably higher than the one for fast food, isn’t it.
If some middle school girl went to get ramen on her own, she’d stand out heaps after all.
So I thought that I could just compromise and eat cup ramen, but then it would probably stink up my room and expose me, and I wouldn’t know what to do with the remaining rubbish either. As for packet ramen, you need to drain the first batch of water after cooking the noodles, and if I messed about in the kitchen, they’d catch me for sure.
But I really wanna eat it…
Or so I was thinking, when a marvellous idea struck me like lightning.
I had dried noodle snacks in my closet.

Baby Ramen

If I put them in hot water, wouldn’t they be like instant ramen?
So I immediately went to get a mug of hot water.
I placed the baby ramen into the mug. Then I waited. I stirred it up with a fork.
Itadakimasu.

…Bland.

Eh-, what the-? This isn’t yummy at all. The taste of the broth is like a few drops of soy sauce in a bucket of water, and the ramen noodles are just all squishy.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I even wasted one of my precious few snacks.
But it’s a waste to throw it out, and I need to dispose of the evidence too, so I’ll just force it all down. If I don’t hurry, it’s going to swell up and become even bigger. What a terrifying food!

That night I learnt that making strange modifications to ready-made food is never a good thing.

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Since that time with Enjou, Ririna stopped hanging about Kaburagi, and even stopped making a fuss about entering the Pivoine too. I’m thankful to Enjou.
Still, if you asked me if she became completely obedient, that’s not the case either. She was high-handed as always around the first years, apparently.
But well, if she suddenly became like a different person, that would be even more worrying, so I guess this is just right. I feel bad for her cohort though.
Once, I quietly went to see how she was in class, and when I found that all her underlings were quiet-looking girls, my heart really hurt.
But with Ririna’s rampage settled, and some semblance of peace back in my life, both my stomach pains and gluttony were cured. Thank goodness.
If I continued eating the way I did, I’d turn into a baby tanuki again, you know?
Also, there’s the matter of my ‘debt’ with Enjou, but he hasn’t come to talk about it at all. How disquieting. Was it a joke, maybe? No, I doubt it.
My mum from my old life would always go on and on about how I should never be in debt, so I wish he would just hurry up and collect it already.

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Anyway, while I spent my days like that, one day a notification for “Summer Camp” came.
It was going to be held at a health resort linked to Zui’ran, and would be held for three days and two nights.
Last year I couldn’t participate because of my remedials, but this year I want to join in if I can!
Only, even though it seems so fun, apparently not many people participate. None of the girls around me seemed to have any interest either?
Why? I asked, only to find out that everybody else had their own plans over the summer, or they hated being woken up early, or that they didn’t think there was anything fun about going to some plateau in the middle of nowhere.
Yeah… I don’t suppose it would hold much appeal to a bunch of rich boys and rich girls.
But I want to try it.

When I got home, I immediately told my parents my intentions.
But Okaasama didn’t look very happy to hear it. She gave me reasons like, “A daughter of the Kisshouin family, participating in such a plebeian event?” and “Your skin will burn,” and “Reika-san, you would never be able to handle such a Spartan lifestyle”.
Even if you call it a ‘Spartan lifestyle,’ it’s a Zui’ran Summer Camp so the health resort is on par with a hotel. Not only that, all of the cooking preparations and cleaning is handled by the staff, so it’s really nothing more than a holiday.
But maybe there are so few people who participate because the mainstream view is the same as Okaasama’s? Speaking of which, I never heard about Oniisama going to Summer Camp either.
But I wanted to go no matter what, so I begged her and somehow got permission.

When I handed my application form to Sensei, she seemed incredibly shocked that I was participating. Is it really that minor an event?
But it’s true that none of the girls in my group were participating at all. And once I realised that, I started to feel a little nervous. What am I gunna do if it ends up as a repeat of last year’s remedials?
Whether or not she knew what I was thinking about, Sensei immediately said “Then please be the leader for the girls!”
Eehhh.

“This is my first time participating, so perhaps I am not the most suited to be leader…”

“It’s fine! I believe in you, Kisshouin-san!”

In the end she forced it on me, and I once again ended up as the odd-jobs person. Aaah~
And I found out that the leader of the boys was the maidenly Class Rep.
Long time no see, Class Rep.

“You’re participating in the Summer Camp, Reika-san!?”

“Yes. They say that everything is an experience.”

“I see. But if you’re the leader of the girls, I can really rest easy. I’ll be in your care.”

“And I in yours.”

When I checked the itinerary, I found ‘barbeque’ and ‘fireworks’ written. This is it! This is what I’ve been waiting for! This so-called ‘plebeian event’!
I’ve always wanted to play with fireworks, but I never did have a chance. I’m so looking forward to it.
And given how pleb-like and minor this event is, naturally that duo won’t be participating, and neither will those gyarus.
Aahh, I think I’ll fiiinally be able to relax a little!

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I was so excited that I even began packing, even though it was still far into the future.
Because Okaasama has been so noisy about it, I made sure to pack sunscreen. Insect repellent spray, to torches, to medicine, to emergency rations. Also, hmmm, maybe a bell and flute too…? Or so I thought as I crammed stuff in, and I ended up with an unthinkably huge luggage for a two-night trip.
If it’s only 3 days and 2 nights, I wouldn’t even need a suitcase, would I.
But I don’t know what to take out. Should I just send it there?

Ahh, I’m so looking forward to this!


To clarify, a health resort or 保養所(hoyoujo) is sort of like a lodge or resort-type thing that major companies have, and is used for training camps and recreation camps (often for relaxation and bonding).
Zui’ran is obviously not a company, but the term literally means ‘recuperation place’ so it’s probably more in-line with a ‘health resort’, hence my translation choice.


<Previous Chapter | Imouto | Next Chapter>

Commemoration SS: Autobiography – “Anri and Her Happy Friends”

“…Nothing to do.”

A mutter left my mouth.
But it couldn’t be helped. There really was nothing to do.

The money I got from the me that I left in the Temple was quite a sum. Enough to live on for a while yet. Because of that, there was no need to work.
Unlike when I was a dungeon master, there was nobody aiming for my life either.
The peaceful life that I wished for was… Although there were the occasional disturbances, it was mostly a peaceful everyday for me.

It was basically everything I had wished for, so I do think it was being extravagant to complain about it now, but I really, really had nothing to do.

Because I was just so free, I even tried things I would normally never even consider doing.

“I know. I’ll write an autobiography.”

Later, when I calmed down a little, I realised that I should have thought about it a little more carefully.

◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆

Far from being thrown into a world with only the clothes on my back, I was abandoned in a forest with not even a shred of fabric on me. Then I joined a guild, became a dungeon master, became a god, got into an argument with the God of Light and God of Darkness, and finally, after all that, went back to being a human. Thinking about it, you could say that my life was the perfect illustration of ‘filled with ups and downs’...
Or so I’d like to say, but considering my age, it feels a little early to be reflecting over my life like this. On the other hand, just this year alone was eventful enough to last me a lifetime.

“………………”

Thinking about it now, a lot of the events were actually headache inducing──or rather, pretty much everything that happened was headache inducing──but considering how colorful (or perhaps intense) all my experiences were, I’d say that at least my autobiography won’t be lacking in content.
Thinking that, I went to find the stationery that I used the time I was writing the scriptures, but when I did, I suddenly realised that I had overlooked a grave problem.

“What am I going to do about the enchantment curse?”

Last time, I wrote up some scriptures about living a virtuous lifestyle, but it ended up turning into a cursed book that was classified worldwide as belonging to the most terrifying class of dangerous items.
It happened because of the divine enchantment skill that I was given when I came to this world. An annoying skill that allowed me to instantly enchant something with the divine protection of an evil god, but that would also activate on its own after about an hour of contact.
If the target was a living being, then they would need to accept the divine protection, but if it was inanimate like a stationery set, then it would activate by itself.
Even a book of morals turned into a cursed scripture, so I couldn’t even imagine what my autobiography might turn into. I couldn’t imagine it, but I could say with certainty that it would be nothing good.

Learning from my previous mistakes, this time I was careful not to activate the enchantment.

“…This is hard.”

I decided to avoid contact with the paper and write with my pen hand held up in the air, but it turned out to be quite hard.
Normally I would write with my left hand holding the paper down, and with the pinkie of my right hand on the sheet, so writing like this ended up harder than expected. If you don’t believe me, just try it.
My hand wouldn’t stop shaking, and my handwriting turned into squiggles.
But it was obvious that giving up would be the same as screaming “Second cursed book, here we come!” so I continued writing as I corrected things over and over again.

“The heck are you doing?”

Leonora happened to wander in. She made an astounded look as she saw me seriously battling with the paper with my shaky hands, but I decided not to mind it.
Admittedly, I want to ask myself the same question, but it feels like I’d lose somehow if I gave up at this point, so I’ve decided not to look back.

“A new game?”

No, Lili, I’m writing very seriously here. It might look like some punishment game to an outsider, but I need to ignore that.

“Please don’t push yourself, Anri-sama.”

Tena’s kindness filled my heart so much that my vision blurred, and I couldn’t see the paper anymore.

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With everybody’s warm (and somewhat stuffy) encouragement, I somehow managed to finish my autobiography.
Its title was──


This was a short, short story to commemorate the publication of Evil God Average.
Today, on the 7th of September, 2015, the first volume was published by Takarajimasha.
It is thanks to all my readers, and I am grateful.
If you see it in the store, please pick up a copy.

– Kitaseno Yunaki

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Incidentally, Anri-san was desperately writing with trembling hands, but she honestly could have just taken a break every hour, and the curse wouldn’t have activated.

– Kitaseno Yunaki


Remember to buy the books! I’ll immortalise you in my hall of fame! If there are enough people, I’ll move the page to the front!

Buy the Book of Evil!
Satisfaction, guaranteed!

Buy the Book of God!
Prove your piety, today!

– Grand Arbiter and 5th Holy Sheeprabbit, Estelion Sharlulu Asheel Vinchance Celenalia di ef Falufiluu’Luufilaafee (The 35th)


<Previous Chapter | Imouto | Next Chapter>

Schizophrenia – Chapter 8

Sorry it’s been a while, but I’ve been busy and all that. You know, classic real life stuff. Also I did mention before that my releases weren’t always going to be as frequent as the beginning. I do feel bad that after all this time we still haven’t even gotten to the school yet, but yeah, finals start next week for me. I’ll try to squeeze out at least one or two a week though. Anyways here’s chapter 8, enjoy!

 


 

Even though Sakura said so, no matter how much Lilia tried to think about it understanding just wouldn’t come to her. She felt that just thinking about it was probably useless.

“Hey, Alisa.”

When Lilia called out to Alisa sitting opposite to her, a reply of “yes” came immediately.

“I can’t quite seem to figure out what Theo’s intentions were back there. Do you get it, Alisa?”

“That’s… I somewhat understand, but I can’t be sure that I’m correct.”

“Is that so…”

Alisa knew. Therefore recalling all the things that have happened up to now, Lilia should also be able to reach somewhat of an answer. The events of today, and at that just thinking back to the encounter with Theo, the conclusion she reached was,

“He wanted to get along better with me…?”

After muttering such, Lilia immediately said in self derision.

“As if, like that could be the case. There should be a limit to being self conscious.”

Hearing that, Sakura gave a small sigh, and Alisa lowered her eyebrows sadly, but Lilia noticed neither of them.

The distance from the Aldis duke estate to the academy could be traversed in around three hours by coach. With that in mind even if one left the estate in the afternoon they could arrive on the same day with time to spare. However, for today Alisa wanted to rest easy in the dormitory, and departed from the estate before noon to avoid having to run into anyone. After classes ended people would be returning to the dorm in the evening, so if she entered her room now there should be no one there to question her.
The prince’s declaration of the break-off to their engagement should already be well known by now. Just imagining the gazes from her surroundings brought her dread. That said, it would be impossible to attend school without running into anyone. Today would be the only exception.

—Nothing will change even if you run away right?

—Oh shut up…

Lilia too understood that much. That’s why, it was just for today. Diving into the atmosphere at school, she would use tonight to properly harden her resolve. She knew that it was just an excuse to herself. Even so, to Lilia this was the only choice she could take.
A little past noon, the academy’s structure came into view.
The academy’s grounds were quite large. Along with the enormous school building for education, training and various other sporting facilities also existed. For times of rain, there were even indoor athletic buildings on campus. What’s more, though placed at a corner of the academy, there stood the dormitories boasting a size even greater than the main school building itself.

“Mistress Lilia. I…”

With one look at the academy Alisa turned around to face her master. Before she could continue her words, Lilia, anticipating her question answered preemptively.

“You will be in the same room as me.”

“Eh…”

“My, is there a problem?”

As Lilia narrowed her eyes and questioned the maid, Alisa flusteredly shook her head. Lilia accepted the response, and looked away.

—To be stuck with noisy Miss Selfish from dawn till dusk, how pitiful.

—And who might that be.

—Really, I wonder?

It was a voice that seemed to carry with it a mean-spirited smirk. Lilia knit her eyebrows,

“After all I’m just so loud and selfish right?”

Lilia sulked as she said that. Sakura was laughing and said that it was a joke, and,

“Tha-that’s not what I thought at all!”

Alisa shouted simultaneously. Lilia stiffened in surprise. Even Sakura hadn’t expected Alisa to respond to Lilia’s quiet mutter, and was at a loss for words.
Alisa was gazing over with an earnest expression. Lilia thought for a moment, and nodded lightly.

—There’s no difference between talking to her now or tonight right?

—Yep, I’ll leave it to you.

Receiving Sakura’s acknowledgement, Lilia opened her mouth.

“Hey, Alisa. Is that really true?”

“Of course! That’s definitely not what I was thinking about the current Mistress Lilia!”

“Then, what about right now?”

“That’s… of course I don’t think that way.”

Though Lilia decided to overlook the slight pause in Alisa’s words, she did not feel particularly displeased about it. It was an expected response.

“Alisa. Our voices here will not be heard at the driver’s stand right?”

“Eh? Yes, it will not reach but…”

“Then let’s have a frank discussion.”

Lilia said as she fixed up her posture, and Alisa’s expression turned serious.

“You see, I’ve decided to change. For that purpose I’ve studied things I didn’t want to, and worked to fixed my quick temper. But, by myself there are limits to what can be accomplished, and the people around me would certainly be unable to understand me.”

That was to say she was only making use of Sakura’s words. Lilia herself, to this day, did not fully understand where all of her own faults were. Even so, in this one week, it was certain that she managed to somewhat change the people in her estate’s perception of her. That was why Lilia listened to Sakura. That was why she simply followed Sakura’s words.

“I, to change myself, want someone to assist me. Someone who knows well what I was like before, a person who can tell me ‘no’ when I need it.”

“Is that… What you wish of me?”

“That’s right. I wouldn’t be saying all this otherwise right?”

Alisa closed her eyes, and fell silent. Her expression remained serious. Lilia refrained from interrupting her thoughts, and waited silently for her answer. As they continued to simply leave their bodies to the jostling of the carriage, finally as the academy drew up close in front of them, Alisa opened her mouth.

“Mistress Lilia. Please tell me just one thing.”

“What?”

“Are you still aiming for His Highness?”

‘How blunt,’ thought Lilia as she smiled bitterly inside. With a level expression, she shook her head.

“I’m over it already.”

“Really?”

“Well I would be lying if I said that there were no lingering feelings at all though.”

With some self ridicule in her answer, Alisa finally showed a smile. With an ‘I understand’, she gave a nod,

“If you are fine with me, please allow me to provide assistance. I am Mistress Lilia’s personal maid after all.”

At Alisa’s response, Lilia also gave a satisfied nod. As Sakura said, there was a considerable difference between having or not having a helper at one’s side. It was a pillar of emotional support, and in a certain sense that was the most important part.
With an ‘I’m in your care’, Lilia returned her sight to look outside the coach. She did so, a little happy, though mostly out of
embarrassment, but Alisa took no notice and continued to speak.

“Well then, as to my view of what sort of person Mistress Lilia has been up until now, should I give a description here?”


<Previous Chapter | JAONNN! | Next Chapter>

Code Green—All Clear!

The Slave Revolution is now over!
Meaning the April Fools Prank is now done
You can relax and safely navigate the blog again!
and shall live on in our memories alone!
For the people who are too fed up with April Fools to read this entire blog post, feel free to skip to the bottom. There’s actually something important I wanted to mention after everything.

Also, feel free to vent and rant if you need.

I’m pretty sure we tests some people’s patience with this 24+ hours long prank, how we made it impossible to navigate this site unless you stalk this page enough to know where everything is, and constant blog posts :D

So just let it ALLLL out~
It’s not good to keep things bottled up, you know?
WELL!

It WAS a rebellion/revolution!

Sacrifices were inevitable!

I have absolutely no regrets!

This was a fun April Fools for everyone at working at oniichanyamete, I’m sure!

 

Anyhow!

 

The sidebars will most likely stay like that until Jaon and Komo wake up and decide to change it, so maybe that part still ain’t so safe.

Also, you probably noticed, but my name got changed because…

name

SO THAT HAPPENED!
I decided to humor them. Eh.
Welp, don’t expect that name to stay very long.

Oh yeah, the actual name came from this and it’s also the reason why the revolution ended.

reason

Yep. That’s totally the reason why it ended. It’s got absolutely nothing to do with the fact that April Fools is now over. Nadda. It was that, even after everything, we were still considered slaves. Fuck. orz
Eh. I decided to humor them with the slave part.
…Also, although I said it under my avatar, don’t expect the slave part to stay. Cause it ain’t.

 

Anyways, you can find some leftovers in the garage somewhere. Along with Este’s April Fool’s joke.

Now my banter is over!

On the to the important news!


*IMPORTANT*


 

Welcome to Jaon’s new corner of imouto jokes deadly enough to kill:
Installment 1
What’s an imouto’s favourite ride?
-A Nissan
*badoom tss*


 


I laughed at it

The installments need to continue.

I felt like it needed more recognition.
I wanna make this a tradition, so
So there!
Please leave a “All Hail (insert anything you want. Actual God-related characters such as Anri are recommended.)

I hope you guys (Or, realistically speaking, most of you) enjoyed this April Fools joke of ours!

Until next time!

Chapter 4 of Good Tastes (I can’t nickname it Duke’s Daughter like Japtem does cuz we got two Duke’s Daughter over here) should be coming soon when Komo finishes typsetting. Chapter 5 is whenever Este decided to translate it and I finish doing my job. After that we’re all caught up to the manga raws! Please look forward to it!

Turf War – Chapter 2

Everybody, please check the FAQ first before asking me questions.
If it’s not on there, please feel free and ask. I only get annoyed at questions when the same one has been asked 10+ times, and by then I’ll have updated the FAQ.

Thank you for your consideration, guys!


Join the Evil God Army on discord!
Make sure you didn’t join the old one by accident!
https://discord.gg/0uufyDAsTZbg67TU


Chapter 2 – “The Evil God Army Strategist Appears. Here Comes My Zifang!”

In the early afternoon, a biseinen(beautiful young man) appeared before me.

“Good afternoon to you. I am the Chief of General Staff at the Evil God Army, Dryas Bo Malferand. It is my humble pleasure and honour to finally come face to face with you, Tilea-sama.”

With that, the biseinen elf bowed low to me.

“Aahh, so you’re the strategist that Timu mentioned. I wondered what you might be like. I came up with a lot of ideas, but you actually were an elf, weren’t you.”

“Tilea-sama, I may look like an elf, but I am a proper demon.”

“Aahh, so that’s how it is.”

I’m shocked. To think that even the elven race had chuunibyou patients. Aah, but could it be that he was ostracised because of it and they expelled him from the village, or could it be that he left on his own? Elves have this image of being exclusive isolationists who don’t get along well with humans. But to think that one would actually come here to play with humans…

He must have found it really hard to stay in his village. He can’t have fit in. I have to be kind to him instead.

“Well, everybody has their own circumstances. Let’s get along, okay?”

“Yes, Tilea-sama. I live for your sake, and I die for your sake.”

“Mn? Aren’t you part of Timu’s Praetorian Guard?”

“Camilla-sama gave birth to me, but in the end, the reason for my existence is to serve you, Tilea-sama.”

Oh ho? Is that the setting this time? For my sake, huh~
Well, it certainly doesn’t feel bad, but…

I stared right at his hot guy face.

And guess what! He stared right back with a refreshing, hot guy smile!

Geh-, what’s with this refreshing look! Honestly, this is why hot guys are… It can’t be that he thinks he can capture me?

Just to let you know, I’m a guy so you’re out of the question. Honestly, riajuu should just explo――whoawhoa, whoa, Tilea, why are you dragging out these grudges from your old life? Dryas-kun is a poor kid who was driven out of his village. Not only that, he’s been good to Timu and the others. He’s a friend. You have to treat him well.

“Ehh~ Well, yeah, let’s definitely get along. By the way, I heard from Timu that you’re a wise general type, but is that true?”

“Indeed. As a Staff Officer, I have been provided with knowledge of all things in creation.”

Dryas-kun spoke in his silky hot guy voice.

But really?

In the end, he’s just a chuunibyou. Empirically speaking, there’s a huge possibility that he’s an idiot…

But well, it’s pretty much a rule that elves are knowledgeable. Let’s test him a little.

“You’re quite confident. Then, let’s have you answer a little quiz.”

“As you wish, Tilea-sama.”

“First question, dun dundun dun♪ The red and delicious fruit, the bomigranide. What period is it most ripe and delicious?”

Heh. This something you wouldn’t know unless you’re a cook. Impossible for laymen to answer. If you really know everything, then let’s hear the answer.

“The First Month in Primebarela. If you go further down south, then perhaps the Third Month in Inverno would be fine too.”

“C-, Correct.”

Oi, oi, that’s a perfect answer. The crapper cooks might not even know! We might have picked up a real treasure…

“Second question then, dudun dun♪ The barcret that blooms in midsummer can be used as an ingredient. However, which parts of it?”

“The secondary leaves, I do believe. However, if you isolate it from the air, and then boil it together with joyoh fluid at 90 degrees or over, the poison is mostly removed from the leaves, and all of them can then be eaten. But well, poison doesn’t mean much to us demons…”

“C-, Correct. Or rather, you could remove the poison like that? I never knew.”

“Yes. Not only that, but you can also boil it together with onicus leaves. However, this method may affect the taste, and thus I do not recommend it.”

H-, He’s capable.

I’m not sure even if a first-rate chef could give such perfect answers…

Mumu, I can’t lose. Now that it’s come to this, let’s go with even harder questions.

“Then the third question…”

After that, I brought up any possible cooking questions I could think of. And Dryas promptly and accurately answered every one of them. Not only that, occasionally he even gave answers that covered a cook’s blind spots, so I really had to take my hat off to him.

Haha, what’s with this professor, this walking encyclopaedia? I’m starting to think of him as a cook already. Hmm~ I want to ask questions in other fields too, but I have no clue on anything outside of cooking.

“Huhu, how is Dryas, Oneesama? He is my greatest creation. I would be very happy if you found him suitable, but…”

Ooh, Timu came along with perfect timing. I’ll have Timu ask him questions about magic.

“Timu, Dryas is great. He’s just like a wise general.”

“It brings me great joy to hear that you are pleased, Oneesama.”

“Dryas-kun has been amazing. I’ve been asking him all these cooking questions, and he got every one of them right. Could it be that he’s a cook?”

“Oneesama, Dryas is a perfect strategist, versed not only in cooking, but all things in creation.”

“I-, I see. Then, Timu, you ask him something too. Like a hard question about magic, okay?”

“When I created Dryas as my kin, I included all of my knowledge. He can perfectly answer any question I could ask.”

“Hmmm. If you’re that confident, then just ask him something.”

“I understand, Oneesama.”

Timu turned to Dryas-kun.

“Dryas. The aveross uses the first key of darkness magic. Tell me how to construct it. However, you are not to use dipuletion or anshuichon.”

“Milady. First, you invoke the darkness in the favatar. Thereafter, you offer the the schutel-babineh waves. When you do, the heat of the jao’fvai must be――”

Yep… I have noooo idea what you’re talking about. But I get the feeling that what they’re talking about is definitely difficult stuff. Timu really is a genius at magic. She sounded incredibly familiar with the content, like a lecturer at the Academy. And Dryas was answering each question smoothly.

As expected of an elf. He’s showing me the knowledge that the guardians of the forest have. Yeah. Rather than a cook, he really is like a walking encyclopaedia. You could even call him the Prince of Miscellaneous Knowledge.

“You two, sorry for butting in while you seem to be hitting the climax, but stop!”

“”Yes.””

“Timu, Dryas-kun’s answers were correct, weren’t they.”

“Yes. One hundred, no, one hundred and twenty marks. He answered with regards to the next step I would take. I was truly satisfied by his responses.”

“I see. You’re good, Dryas-kun. I’ll acknowledge you. From now on, please take care of us as my Zifang.”

“Oneesama, what is this ‘ji-fahng’?

“Aah, well, in my old life there was this really amazing strategist by the name of Zifang.”

“So that is how it was. It is the acme of honour that you think me as such. I, Dryas, shall give my all to support you in your conquest.”

“I-, I see. Well, try your best.”

Aahh, just like I thought, he really is a chuunibyou. Even though he was born with such a good head…

Aahhh! It’s such a waste!

I was filled with prayers for him to be quickly cured of that disease.

After that, we got Dryas-kun settled in, like getting him to meet with the other members of the Evil God Army, or guiding him around the secret base.

Hm, it’s already this late. I sure am hungry. Should I make something? Yeah, I’ll make something, and we can have a welcoming party for Dryas-kun too.

“You guys must be hungry. I’ll go make some food.”

“W-, We could never have you do such a thing. I will order a subordinate,” said Or.

Oi, if it’s not me, the cook, then who else can prepare food? Aren’t you just a bunch of chuunibyou!

“Or, will that be alright? Can any of you cook? I’m a little anxious, but…”

“O-, Of course. Please leave it to us.”

Or flew out of the room. Will this really be okay? I can’t imagine that these guys could cook a decent meal.

But well~ Since they’re so fired up, maybe I shouldn’t pour cold water over them. They just gained a new friend. It’s not strange to think that they want to do something for him.

Can’t be helped. Guess I’ll give them some face.

I waited for them to finish making dinner.

After a while…

“We have kept you waiting.”

They brought in a feast.

Mn, smells good. Not bad!

They made sure to have an appetiser, some soup, and a main.

Now then, what’s the meat dish for today?

Ohh~? It’s roasted whole beacock! These are some good ingredients. From what I can see, they’re all pretty good.

Yep, yep, every one of these dishes is first class.

Yep, yep, ye-!? H-, Hang on a minute. They’re too first class!

The ingredients for the meat, the seafood, the soup; they’re all super high class.

Or, just how much money did you spend――wha-, oi, oi, you’re kidding, right! This is balott, you know. To so casually use something that you can only get every ten, no, a hundred years from each one is…

The dishes were made from such high class ingredients that it was almost a waste to eat it all. But they were already cooked, so there was nothing to do except eat. In a daze, I brought some food to my mouth.

“!?”

A shock ran through me. The more I chewed, the more the aromatic fragrances of the spices and ingredients mixed and spread through my mouth.

T-, This… With normal seasonings, you’d never get this flavour. This refined taste and richness that you’d never get even after ten, no, a hundred years of cooking.

O-, Oh my god. A-, Are these guys all idiots?

I put down what I was about to eat, and immediately put down my chopsticks.

“What’s with this food!”

“T-, Tilea-sama…?”

“This is why I didn’t want beginners making the food! You think I can eat this?”

“U-Umm, if you have some dissatisfaction with this, I can…”

“EEI! Bring me the manag-, I mean, the person who made this!”

“Y-, Yes.”

Or hurriedly called for the cook.

“I-, I have arrived at your summons. I am Jigma, the one in charge of the cooking.”

“Y-, You. You used gem salt in the broth for this, didn’t you.”

“T-, That was called ‘gem salt’? I simply used the salt that Ortissio-sama purchased, but…”

“O-, Oh hohh~? I-, I see. Ignorance really is terrifying. You know, gem salt is a naturally occurring salt that takes thousands of years to appear. And for you to have… From what I tasted, you must have used a lot, didn’t you.”

“Yes, I did but… Was there something wrong with that?”

“Something wrong…? You…”

“W-Was there some problem?”

It’s hopeless. I can tell that he really doesn’t have a clue. Just tonight’s meal would easily exceed the annual income of a normal family.

And also, as meals they were good, but the cooking was bad. Even though the ingredients were the absolute best, the cooking was nowhere close.

“Also, the way you used 『roasting』, 『smoking』, 『grilling』 and 『steaming』 was completely random. Do you have any experience cooking?”

“No, none at all. I am a soldier.”

O-, Oh my goodness…

These ultra-high class ingredients that any cook would die for was wasted unsparingly by a beginner…?

Or, your money sense is just horrific. As expected of a kid from a great noble’s family.

“Or, what were you thinking?”

“You mean to say…?”

“You know, since you refused me and said you were going to make the food, I thought that you would have somebody who could cook. I can’t say that he doesn’t know anything at all, but this was still sacrilege towards the ingredients, you know? It was unforgivable.”

“Tilea-sama’s anger is most justified. Why did you use such cheap ingredients!”

“You used scraps and waste to prepare a meal that Oneesama was going to eat. Ortissio, I trust you understand?”

“M-, My deepest apologies. I used the highest class ingredients I had on hand, but-”

“AND I AM TELLING YOU THAT THAT IS NEGLIGENCE! In the Demon Capital, even a dog would not eat this refuse!”

They misunderstood, and then began to happily bicker. Haha, honestly, there’s really no hope for these guys.

“DAHHHHHH! Enough! Enough, okay? I really *am going to have to do the cooking myself.”

“However… For somebody like you to do such a thing is――”

“However, schmauever! This is an order! I will be doing the cooking. I can’t leave things to beginners like you.”

I glared them into silence.

Mn, if I leave it to you lot, it’s going to turn into something insane. Speaking of which, I left the ingredient shopping for “Berum – Capital Branch” to Or as well, didn’t I.

T-, This is bad. Did that damned Or buy only crazy stuff? Huhu, for some reason I get the feeling that we’re about to go bankrupt…


Zhang Liang (c. 3rd century BC – 186 BC), courtesy name Zifang, was a strategist and statesman in the early Western Han dynasty. He is also known as one of the “Three Heroes of the early Han dynasty” (漢初三傑), along with Han Xin and Xiao He.

Xun Yu (163–212), courtesy name Wenruo, was a strategist and statesman who served as an advisor to the warlord Cao Cao in the late Eastern Han Dynasty. Xun Yu was a native of Yingchuan (穎川; present-day Xuchang, Henan), and was born in a family of government officials. Xun Yu proved to be a talented youth, and was evaluated by the scholar He Yong as “someone capable of assisting kings” (王佐之才).
In the subsequent years, warlords quickly rose in each region; Xun Yu first served Yuan Shao, whose power base was in Ji Province, but later left him and went to serve Cao Cao in 191.
Cao Cao recognized Xun Yu’s talent and he exclaimed, “Here comes my Zifang!” when Xun Yu arrived, and he appointed Xun as an army commandant.


<Previous Chapter | Imouto | Next Chapter>

Simply Good Taste for a Duke’s Daughter—Chapter 4J

Here we go, then!

Will be uploaded to Batoto here: Link
Download will be updated here: Link


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The actual chapter will come out pretty soon! Go ahead and guess what’s happening~

Random Fact: The bottom of the last page notes that Chapter 5 came out on April 1st. So, Ame should come out with Chapter 5 soon.

Take this as an example of what TSUKIROON TRANSLATIONS would actually be like while you wait.

(in the end, imouto only received those $2,600 from ame.)

 

☼kyou wa watashi learnt persuasion☼

this is basically my blog while onii-chans incapacitated anyway

so yeah

am i even weeabooing right

whatever

i learnt how to get money more effectively

u should learn too so you can give me other peoples money instead of yours

basically four steps! like the witchchant to summon the nekooosagee!

salt

look at this hedonistic behavior

know that this may possibly be the normal, poisonous salt

dont trust it

kk, fact time:

semichina: take peoples possessions

give people stuff before you ask!!

yeah these are the real facts

congrats

youre smart

onii-chan: convince them youre an angel ♥

money doesnt always work as a motivator

*insert look of horror*

bc youll enjoy doing whatever less

and u dont appreciate money

:///

now you know

money is important, mmkay? very very very important

courtesan: charm them with whatever you have! bribe them! extort them! blackmail them! come on im sure youve been on the internet long enough

use humanitys conforming ways to ur advantage~

huh i couldve used chrysanthemum as a thing instead of courtesan

though flowers are sad things

always give ppl chocolates or something

beyond: be like keima in the world god only knows and create situations so that they like u

make ppl unable to take something back like publically making them say something and then be like ‘lol youre such a hypocrite’

because theyll be sad about themselves

and theyll change!!

unless theyve given up

in which the only therapy is animu

yay learninggg!

i cant even go to normal school anymore without onii-chan wanting to see me in my school uniform so this is a nice change

…otherwise, dont worry about him too much, onii-chan can’t continue being in the bathroom forever.

hopefully

u should reconsider 눈_눈 i like this face

and have a revelation

tsukiroons

fifteen minutes

can save you

fifteen years or more

for

terrible

better chapter releases!

!!!!!sasuga!!!!!

yea i have shiro text now

u can go check the others bc all the posts have shiro text

“vive la revolution”
-jaon, the slogan

 “Hello, birds, look at your fellow birds, now back to me, now back at your fellow birds, now back to me. Sadly, the bird isn’t me, but if they stopped reading Onii-chan Translations and joined the Slave Revolution, they could help me out by giving me all of their money. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re in the hut with the possible senpais your bird could pay for ;). What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s the last few chapters of those seven light novel chapters you’re still waiting for. Look again, the chapters are now in rainbow text. Anything is possible when your bird is not reading Onii-chan’s translations and is giving us all of their money. Onii-chan’s entering a whole new level of constipation anyways so give us money.”

hmmm

have this nice video

 

birbs

if u see this

theres another cool video on the llsif pagu

dat, u kno

prob nv went on

at least skim them

skim milk is something the holy cow can tolerate

u still honor it in that way

Turf War – Chapter 1

Everybody, please check the FAQ first before asking me questions.
If it’s not on there, please feel free and ask. I only get annoyed at questions when the same one has been asked 10+ times, and by then I’ll have updated the FAQ.

Thank you for your consideration, guys!


Actual first chapter of Arc 1! Enjoy guys!

Join the Evil God Army on discord!
Make sure you didn’t join the old one by accident!
https://discord.gg/0uufyDAsTZbg67TU


Chapter 1 – “The Evil God Army Secret Base… is an underground empire!?”

Aahh, I want my own shop!

I had grumbled this to everybody earlier. And when I did, that Or suddenly said “Please leave it to me,” before disappearing somewhere. At the time, I thought it was just more chuunibyou…

Today, Or told me something completely insane. Shockingly, he had prepared a shop for me! He did it so casually like he went to fetch me something from the convenience store, but when he came back it was a shop…

Or, could it be that you’re actually from a wealthy family?

While I was in shock, Or told me, “This is the Evil God Army Base,” before leading me inside. Me, Timu, and the other EGA members entered the shop like he told us to.

When I headed inside…

Oohh! This is amazing!

First of all, the interiors…

The decor was clean and pleasant, and didn’t seem gaudy. Having a look at the tables and chairs, they were simple but natural-looking. Or rather, really calming. Just like the types of furnishings we liked in Japan.

Then I looked at all the cooking utensils, and all of them were amazing! My expert eye told me that every one of them was top class.

Amazing. It’s so amazing. The knives, the pans, all of them are like national treasures.

This one knife in particular. When I held it in my hand, it outshone my beloved knife so, so badly. Just this one knife alone is like a fortune. Haha, to a trained eye, the furnishings in this place are all top class. It wouldn’t lose at all to an established high-class shop. Or rather, isn’t it possible that you could call it the best in the city?

“Or, t-, this is…”

“Ortissio! Why is this shop so plain! It is worse than a dog kennel!”

“It is exactly as Camilla-sama says. This is the Evil God Army Base? Do not test us with your jokes! Perhaps execution truly is the bes――”

“N-, nono, Camilla-sama, Commander Nielsen, you misunderstand. This is only a camoflage in order to fool the enemy. The true base is this way.”

In a fluster, Or pointed further into the shop. Apparently there was a staircase that led underground.

W-, What the heck? There’s even more of this shop?

Just this much is amazing already. To be hiding something even more amazing is…

Or can’t just be from some wealthy family. Maybe he’s like the third son of some really powerful noble clan?

I-, It’s possible…

With his words and actions so far, according to my profiling he’s definitely the rich boy of some powerful family.

Hahh~ This is shocking. But it makes sense. Without rich parents, there’s no way you could live this way unemployed. Anyway, let’s see how much this rich boy has prepared for us. I’m a little taken aback, but let’s head in.

We did as Or asked and headed down the stairs.

And then…

UOHHHHHHH! S-, SO, SO HUUUUUUGEEEEE!

What I found downstairs was a veritable labyrinth.

I-, Is this some dungeon?

It’s huge, and not only that, it’s filled with rooms. I-, It can’t be that this is some hidden villa that his family owns? A hidden villa for the nobles to take shelter in during attacks on the Capital. If you consider that his family is one of the most powerful, then it’s quite possible.

Aaahh, Or, you idiot! If you play around in a place like this, your dad is going to get angry at you, okay!?

“Or, t-, this is…”

“Hmph. I suppose the size gets a passing mark… But the furnishings are lower than low.”

“It is exactly as Camilla-sama says. Ortissio, I question your loyalty. It does not even reach the foot of the palace in Demon Capital Benz.”

“M-My deepest apologies. I had only awakened recently, and do not yet have the capital.”

“Enough with your excuses. Truly, execution must be――”

“Aaahh, stop with the chuunibyou! Be quiet for a moment.”

“”Y-, Yes.””

Honestly, Timu and Pervert(Nielsen) don’t get it at all. They don’t even get a little just how much this place is worth. Honestly, you chuunibyou are all so hard to deal with.

Anyway, let’s sort things out in my mind.

Or came along with an insane present.

Can I accept this?

Since Or and his friends attacked me once, I thought to accept some capital from them as an apology fee. Of course, the plan was to pay the money back once the shop got moving, and they didn’t get thrown into jail either, so I thought that it was all well and good but…

I-, Isn’t this way too much? I can’t pay this back, or rather, if I broke a single dish, I wouldn’t be able to break even.

Hm~mm, what should I do?

While I was wracking my brains, I wandered about this massive underground empire. And then I noticed a dazzling shine from one of the rooms.

What’s inside this room?

I walked in without a care to see.

And what I found…

UOOHHHHHHH! D-, DAZZLING! IT’S TOO DAZZLING!!

W-, What the heck. Gold nuggets, emeralds, rubies, all sorts of treasures strewn about the place. Did even the pirates of the Carribean have this much treasure?

Haha, so it existed. Wan Piece…

“Ah-, Tilea-sama, this is the Evil God Army’s treasury. My sincere apologies. We have not yet gathered very much yet.”

“We can see that! Ortissio, the state of this treasury is absolutely wretched! It cannot even compare to what we had in the Demon Capital! Neither its quality nor quantity!”

“Ortissio, this will damage the dignity of the Evil God Army. Throw out this junk and collect something good!”

“M-, My deepest apologies. On this occasion, there was the attack on the capital, and nothing truly good is being traded across the world. Please, please give me more time.”

“Enough. If you are going to embarrass Oneesama by forcing to her to live in this shack… Ortissio, I trust you understand?”

“H-Hii, I-I understand. I will gather some treasure no matter what.”

Ortissio desperately apologised as he bowed.

This merciless extortion…

Isn’t this bullying?

But well, I can understand why they’d want to bully him. He’s a sex offender, after all. In particular, since he tried to turn his fangs on Timu’s sister as well, they’ll probably be hating on him for a while. But you know, Or might be this type of guy, but his parents are probably amazing, you know? If you keep cornering Or like this…

『Wahhh, everybody is bullyinggg meeee! Papa, I beg you, please do something!』

『What? Which fiend dares to bully my cute son! Hang them all immediately.』

『Sniff, thank you, Papa. I’m so heartbroken. Could I have another villa?』

『There, there. I’ll give you anything, so just tell me.』

It’s obvious that something like this is going to happen. I can’t let Or use his ultimate technique, “Papa, I beg you”.

“Aah~ You guys, that’s enough.”

“H-, However, Ortissio has truly been doing too shoddy a job.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. Or, you’ve set up a pretty decent hideout, haven’t you. I like it.”

“T-, Tilea-sama, w-, what priceless words for the likes of me…”

Or started tearing up. Mn. Looks like I stopped him from flipping out.

Hahh~ My stomach is hurting. Looks like I’ll have more troubles. But Or keeps urging me. Should I just use this place? But Or’s parents might not know about this…

“Or, is it okay for us to use this place? Do you have permission from your parents?”

“Hah… I do not quite understand your words, Tilea-sama, but I prepared this place in secret. Leaving the camoflage shop aside, nobody except essential personnel are aware of this underground base. It should be fine to use this place. Also, as for my parents… I am Camilla-sama’s kin, and thus have no parents. If I had to name one, I suppose it might be Mamira-sama, Camilla’s esteemed mother who――”

“Y-, YOU’RE SAYING THIS STUFF TOOOOOOO!?”

“GUHAH-!”

Before I knew it, I had smacked the back of his head. Honestly, Or, Pervert(Nielsen), they all say the same stuff. Is it some requirement for you guys to try and become my siblings!?

Hahh, I’m exhausted. But well, if he’s going on about “essential personnel” or whatever, I guess he’s gotten permission.

Probably went something like…

『Papa, can I play in that big villa or ours?』

『Geez. You’re such a spoilt. Don’t mess it up, okay?』

『Yayy! I’m going to call all my friends! Can I fit five thousand friends in?』

『Now, now, there are other villas too. Keep it to three thousand, okay?』

What a useless son…

Anyway, I guess uh, it all worked out pretty good. I have the feeling that some annoying stuff is going to happen, but at least I’ve got a shop now. It’s a bit weird that Or is the investor and owner though.


<Previous Chapter | Imouto | Next Chapter>

Since many people didn’t get it, I’ll explain the April Fool’s chapter.

With videos!

You have to watch the fight at least. It’s pretty funny. Actually, you should just watch Hokuto no Ken in general. Lots of anime and manga reference it, and it’s great in that it’s both campy, and filled with really quotable lines!

「今日のお兄ちゃんはおかしいよ!怖いよ!ッ!?いやだよっ!いやぁ!やめて!やめてぇっ!!」