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Actual first chapter of Arc 1! Enjoy guys!
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Chapter 1 – “The Evil God Army Secret Base… is an underground empire!?”
Aahh, I want my own shop!
I had grumbled this to everybody earlier. And when I did, that Or suddenly said “Please leave it to me,” before disappearing somewhere. At the time, I thought it was just more chuunibyou…
Today, Or told me something completely insane. Shockingly, he had prepared a shop for me! He did it so casually like he went to fetch me something from the convenience store, but when he came back it was a shop…
Or, could it be that you’re actually from a wealthy family?
While I was in shock, Or told me, “This is the Evil God Army Base,” before leading me inside. Me, Timu, and the other EGA members entered the shop like he told us to.
When I headed inside…
Oohh! This is amazing!
First of all, the interiors…
The decor was clean and pleasant, and didn’t seem gaudy. Having a look at the tables and chairs, they were simple but natural-looking. Or rather, really calming. Just like the types of furnishings we liked in Japan.
Then I looked at all the cooking utensils, and all of them were amazing! My expert eye told me that every one of them was top class.
Amazing. It’s so amazing. The knives, the pans, all of them are like national treasures.
This one knife in particular. When I held it in my hand, it outshone my beloved knife so, so badly. Just this one knife alone is like a fortune. Haha, to a trained eye, the furnishings in this place are all top class. It wouldn’t lose at all to an established high-class shop. Or rather, isn’t it possible that you could call it the best in the city?
“Or, t-, this is…”
“Ortissio! Why is this shop so plain! It is worse than a dog kennel!”
“It is exactly as Camilla-sama says. This is the Evil God Army Base? Do not test us with your jokes! Perhaps execution truly is the bes――”
“N-, nono, Camilla-sama, Commander Nielsen, you misunderstand. This is only a camoflage in order to fool the enemy. The true base is this way.”
In a fluster, Or pointed further into the shop. Apparently there was a staircase that led underground.
W-, What the heck? There’s even more of this shop?
Just this much is amazing already. To be hiding something even more amazing is…
Or can’t just be from some wealthy family. Maybe he’s like the third son of some really powerful noble clan?
I-, It’s possible…
With his words and actions so far, according to my profiling he’s definitely the rich boy of some powerful family.
Hahh~ This is shocking. But it makes sense. Without rich parents, there’s no way you could live this way unemployed. Anyway, let’s see how much this rich boy has prepared for us. I’m a little taken aback, but let’s head in.
We did as Or asked and headed down the stairs.
UOHHHHHHH! S-, SO, SO HUUUUUUGEEEEE!
What I found downstairs was a veritable labyrinth.
I-, Is this some dungeon?
It’s huge, and not only that, it’s filled with rooms. I-, It can’t be that this is some hidden villa that his family owns? A hidden villa for the nobles to take shelter in during attacks on the Capital. If you consider that his family is one of the most powerful, then it’s quite possible.
Aaahh, Or, you idiot! If you play around in a place like this, your dad is going to get angry at you, okay!?
“Or, t-, this is…”
“Hmph. I suppose the size gets a passing mark… But the furnishings are lower than low.”
“It is exactly as Camilla-sama says. Ortissio, I question your loyalty. It does not even reach the foot of the palace in Demon Capital Benz.”
“M-My deepest apologies. I had only awakened recently, and do not yet have the capital.”
“Enough with your excuses. Truly, execution must be――”
“Aaahh, stop with the chuunibyou! Be quiet for a moment.”
Honestly, Timu and Pervert(Nielsen) don’t get it at all. They don’t even get a little just how much this place is worth. Honestly, you chuunibyou are all so hard to deal with.
Anyway, let’s sort things out in my mind.
Or came along with an insane present.
Can I accept this?
Since Or and his friends attacked me once, I thought to accept some capital from them as an apology fee. Of course, the plan was to pay the money back once the shop got moving, and they didn’t get thrown into jail either, so I thought that it was all well and good but…
I-, Isn’t this way too much? I can’t pay this back, or rather, if I broke a single dish, I wouldn’t be able to break even.
Hm~mm, what should I do?
While I was wracking my brains, I wandered about this massive underground empire. And then I noticed a dazzling shine from one of the rooms.
What’s inside this room?
I walked in without a care to see.
And what I found…
UOOHHHHHHH! D-, DAZZLING! IT’S TOO DAZZLING!!
W-, What the heck. Gold nuggets, emeralds, rubies, all sorts of treasures strewn about the place. Did even the pirates of the Carribean have this much treasure?
Haha, so it existed. Wan Piece…
“Ah-, Tilea-sama, this is the Evil God Army’s treasury. My sincere apologies. We have not yet gathered very much yet.”
“We can see that! Ortissio, the state of this treasury is absolutely wretched! It cannot even compare to what we had in the Demon Capital! Neither its quality nor quantity!”
“Ortissio, this will damage the dignity of the Evil God Army. Throw out this junk and collect something good!”
“M-, My deepest apologies. On this occasion, there was the attack on the capital, and nothing truly good is being traded across the world. Please, please give me more time.”
“Enough. If you are going to embarrass Oneesama by forcing to her to live in this shack… Ortissio, I trust you understand?”
“H-Hii, I-I understand. I will gather some treasure no matter what.”
Ortissio desperately apologised as he bowed.
This merciless extortion…
Isn’t this bullying?
But well, I can understand why they’d want to bully him. He’s a sex offender, after all. In particular, since he tried to turn his fangs on Timu’s sister as well, they’ll probably be hating on him for a while. But you know, Or might be this type of guy, but his parents are probably amazing, you know? If you keep cornering Or like this…
『Wahhh, everybody is bullyinggg meeee! Papa, I beg you, please do something!』
『What? Which fiend dares to bully my cute son! Hang them all immediately.』
『Sniff, thank you, Papa. I’m so heartbroken. Could I have another villa?』
『There, there. I’ll give you anything, so just tell me.』
It’s obvious that something like this is going to happen. I can’t let Or use his ultimate technique, “Papa, I beg you”.
“Aah~ You guys, that’s enough.”
“H-, However, Ortissio has truly been doing too shoddy a job.”
“It’s fine, it’s fine. Or, you’ve set up a pretty decent hideout, haven’t you. I like it.”
“T-, Tilea-sama, w-, what priceless words for the likes of me…”
Or started tearing up. Mn. Looks like I stopped him from flipping out.
Hahh~ My stomach is hurting. Looks like I’ll have more troubles. But Or keeps urging me. Should I just use this place? But Or’s parents might not know about this…
“Or, is it okay for us to use this place? Do you have permission from your parents?”
“Hah… I do not quite understand your words, Tilea-sama, but I prepared this place in secret. Leaving the camoflage shop aside, nobody except essential personnel are aware of this underground base. It should be fine to use this place. Also, as for my parents… I am Camilla-sama’s kin, and thus have no parents. If I had to name one, I suppose it might be Mamira-sama, Camilla’s esteemed mother who――”
“Y-, YOU’RE SAYING THIS STUFF TOOOOOOO!?”
Before I knew it, I had smacked the back of his head. Honestly, Or, Pervert(Nielsen), they all say the same stuff. Is it some requirement for you guys to try and become my siblings!?
Hahh, I’m exhausted. But well, if he’s going on about “essential personnel” or whatever, I guess he’s gotten permission.
Probably went something like…
『Papa, can I play in that big villa or ours?』
『Geez. You’re such a spoilt. Don’t mess it up, okay?』
『Yayy! I’m going to call all my friends! Can I fit five thousand friends in?』
『Now, now, there are other villas too. Keep it to three thousand, okay?』
What a useless son…
Anyway, I guess uh, it all worked out pretty good. I have the feeling that some annoying stuff is going to happen, but at least I’ve got a shop now. It’s a bit weird that Or is the investor and owner though.
Since many people didn’t get it, I’ll explain the April Fool’s chapter.
You have to watch the fight at least. It’s pretty funny. Actually, you should just watch Hokuto no Ken in general. Lots of anime and manga reference it, and it’s great in that it’s both campy, and filled with really quotable lines!