Chapter 36 – “I am the Viceroy of the Evil God Army, Camilla.”

“FUUCKKK!”

It was in a room in the bandit stronghold. Jacoh screamed in irritation, and sent a nearby chair flying with a kick, and it crashed against the wall noisily.

As he stroked his swollen face, Jacoh recalled yesterday’s irritating events. His bandits had been beaten up by an elf who suddenly invaded, and were handed over to the guards. Thankfully he was released thanks to some hush money, but to Jacoh it was an infuriating humiliation.

“B-, Boss?”

Jacoh’s subordinate cowered at his boss’ angry bellow. After all, Jacoh was both moody and extremely wild. It was a matter of course to be beaten and kicked for upsetting him, and at worst, there were even people beaten half to death.

“OI, BASTARDS! That elf monster Remilia isn’t in town anymore, right?”

“Yes. She was in Beruga to conduct some kind of investigation, but she’s already left.”

“I see. That elf is unforgivable, but that town girl Tilea is even more unforgivable!”

She even brought that elf to default on the debt. Being slighted by that town girl had already pushed his irritation to the limit.

“SHE SHOULD’VE JUST OBEDIENTLY BECOME BY WOMANN!”

“Boss, what do we do about that town girl?”

“I’ll really make her regret making light of me. Even if she cries or screams I won’t forgive her!”

“A-, As expected of Boss. No mercy even to women. I admire that part of you.”

“Hmph. Enough with the flattery. More importantly, are my subordinates gathered?”

“Yes. By your order, all three hundred have gathered.”

“Good. The humiliation I suffered from the town girl will be repaid on those villagers. We’re attacking, ya bastards!”

“”YEAH!!””

Jacoh handed down the order to assault the town. Showing up in his real job as leader of the bandits, his eyes were filled with ferocity now. All three hundred ran at full speed across the Beruga Plains.

“Boss~ I’m really thankful to your real job. I’m sick of all the paperwork.”

“Idiot! Normal money lending is great camouflage for the real stuff.”

“I understand. It’s just that pillaging is such a fun job, that I can’t help but be gloomy about that tediousness…”

Jacoh’s subordinates all agreed. To begin with they were a gathering of people who enjoyed things like stealing and arson. To these people who lived based on instinct, it couldn’t be helped that they were getting frustrated by doing detailed things like paperwork.

“Tsk. Honestly, you bastards never run outta things to say. Oi, Beruga is a poor town, so there’s no real guards. We’re attacking them all at once.”

“”Yes.””

“Kill the men in town, and capture the women alive. As usual, we’ll set the town on fire at the end and disappear. Take everything valuable.”

“”Understood!””

As they ran, the bandit group began to discuss how they would divide the women and money. Occasionally there would be vulgar laughter during their discussion of who would own the women.

“Honestly. For the other women it’s first come first served, but that town girl is mine, aight!?”

Jacoh made sure to warn his subordinates so that his prey wouldn’t be stolen. She was a cocky and irritating woman, but her body was enticing.

I’ll ‘eat’ up that voluptuous flesh first. Once I’m bored, I’ll hand it down to them.

Hehehe, laughed Jacoh as his dark passions burned, when suddenly,

“Nielsen. I seem to have heard some unforgivable and displeasing noise!”

“Yes Milady. Honestly, what a truly grave bunch.”

Hearing the sudden voices, the bandit group stilled their legs. The voices had been close. In other words, that was simply how far they had closed the distance. Although they were off guard, the owners of those voices had still gotten close without any of these battle-hardened veterans noticing. Tension ran through the group.

“Who is it! Where the fuck are you!”

Jacoh swung his head to scan the area. There were plenty of rocks and trees for somebody to hide behind. It was a perfect place for a surpise attack.

An ambush…?

Jacoh immediately drew his sword and prepared for an enemy attack. His subordinates also got into a formation with practised movements, as their eyes began to shine with vigilance against the surroundings.

……
…………
………………

Silence enveloped the area for a moment, before suddenly, a shrill cry rang out through the surroundings. And then, something huge appeared before the bandit group.

“W-. What is that?”

“A-, A wyvern! N- No, that’s wrong. I’ve never seen a wyvern that huge before!”

“Ha ha. Confusing a dragon with an overgrown lizard? Gyangu, gnaw these fools to pieces!”

An officer of the Praetorian Guard, Muram, ordered Gyangu to kill the bandits. Gyangu was a dragon personally raised by Demon General Garm. It boasted the hardness of orichalchum, as well as speed unmatched with its large frame. The bandits were being rapidly caught one after another, and eaten after being torn by its sharp claws.

“Hiii! W-, Why is a monster like this-!”

The bandits frantically tried to run from Gyangu’s roar, aiming to escape when one of the other members was being eaten. There was no cooperation of any sort; simply thoughts of protecting nothing but themselves.

“Hii! W-, Wait. There’s a fucking monster here too!”

But even when they desperately ran, there was another overwhelming being blocking their way. That being was yet another dragon. Although its colour differed, it was as hard as Gyangu, and its brutality dropped the bandits into the pits of terror.

“UWAHH! T-, This way is no good either! R-, RUN!”

“I-, Idiots! Calm down! Don’t break the formation!”

Unrest spread through the bandits. Though Jacoh rebuked at his subordinates and tried to calm them down, the panicked and confused bandits wouldn’t settle down.

Furthermore, twenty or thirty of his subordinates suddenly collapsed. They hadn’t been attacked. Neither had they fainted from being shot by arrows or magic. In all of Jacoh’s life, never had he seen or heard of such a strange occurrence and he felt like he was going to go crazy from the confusion.

“W-, What is this? What’s happening? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DOOO!?

As a cold sweat was running down Jacoh’s skin, the girl on the dragon suddenly raised her hand. And then with a swing of that hand――

Jacoh’s subordinates were torn in two. These battle-hardened subordinates were veterans who had even fought many times with guards and other bandits. They were powerful soldiers who had overcome these trials every time. So Jacoh thought, but…

With that girl’s angry look, his prided subordinates were easily cut in two. With each swing of her hand, the shrieks of his men echoed through the air.

“W-, What is that…?”

Jacoh trembled. They had blended perfectly into the surroundings without any sign, and then suddenly appeared to massacre his subordinates. They were like grims reapers, and brought to mind the tales of demons from ancient times. In particular, the bloodlust from that girl on the wyvern was abnormal.

That girl? Wasn’t she that town girl, Timu!?

Why could a town girl kill this easily? Even though she was a small girl, he could feel an unimaginable bloodlust from her.

S-, She’s a genuine monster.

For the first time in his life, Jacoh tasted fear. This girl was bad news. There was no way he could make an enemy of her.

“T-, Timu-chan, was it? Forgive me. I won’t do bad things anymore.”

“Nielsen, this human’s crimes have increased again. The mouth of a mere human spoke the divine name that connects Oneesama and I.”

“A truly unforgiveable deed. Even capital punishment would not be enough.”

W-, What the fuck is she saying? I was sure I was pretending to reflect, but it isn’t getting through at all. And what ‘divine name’! Aren’t you just a town girl!

Through some incomprehensible means, his veteran subordinates were being quietly, and easily slaughtered. Of the original three hundred men, barely twenty remained. Jacoh’s mind couldn’t process what was unfolding before him. All that was clear to him was that what awaited him was a reality more terrifying than death. He had no choice but to use it. That trump card he saved for a crisis.

“You lot, at this rate we’ll just be killed by the monster. It’s all or nothing. We charge together!”

“B-, But a monster like this…”

“Fucking idiot! Even if you stay there, you’ll still die. Everyone, prepare yourself!”

“U-, Understood.”

“Alright. NOW!”

At Jacoh’s signal, the ten-odd bandits charged Camilla. There was nowhere left to go, and it was a reckless last stand.

Heh, idiots!

He activated the Explosion spell he had set on his subordinates. The moment that they made contact with Camilla, they blew up one by one.

“Haha, cyaa, damned monsters!”

Jacoh had set an Explosion in every member of his subordinates in case the time ever came to use it. Ordinarily, Explosion was a spell that required a magic circle with lots of effort put into it. However, Jacoh habitually experimented on his men under the guise of special training. Little by little, so that nobody would notice, he embedded the Explosion chant into his men.

Even one Explosion was powerful. And this time they had activated in succession, and a dense cloud of dust was rising from the area. While this was happening, Jacoh retreated.

He he, in the very end I was saved by capable subordinates. All I need to do is gather some more. If I lose my life, it’s all over.

With a smile, Jacoh cast reinforcement magic on himself, and ran at full speed.

■　◇　■　◇

Ordered by Oneesama to remain at the store, I carried out my guard duties with the others. And while I was doing so, I received word from Belnandes that a group of roughly three hundred were running out way. And of all people, the leader was the fellow who disrespected Oneesama yesterday! I could wish for nothing more. As we were continuing with the strategy yesterday, I endured my anger towards him. However, given that he was the one who attacked this time, there was no reason not to strike him back. I immediately brought the Household Guard to subjugate them.

Straddling Gargan, I headed to the place in Belnandes’ report and… there he was! The pinnacle of disrespect from yesterday was marching across Beruga Plains with riff-raff in tow.

Hmph, I shall exterminate you! Having arrived here before the bandits, I ordered the Household Guard to conceal themselves in all directions. I will not allow them to escape. All who are rude to Oneesama shall be slaughtered!

I had Nielsen on standby nearby and waited for them to fall into the trap when of all things I heard that leader voice extreme disrespect towards Oneesama!

“Nielsen. I seem to have heard some unforgivable and displeasing noise!”

“Yes Milady. Honestly, what a truly grave bunch.”

Hearing my words, the bandits finally noticed our close presence. Feel free to discover just how foolish a crime you have committed.

I gave commands to the hidden guards. They jumped out from all directions and began to tear the fools apart, one after another. What’s more, in that crowd of bandits, Gyangu began to rampage with his claws and maw.

Hmph, how fragile. The fools were so weak that they died without any real resistance. Even so, for these weak fools to have insulted Oneesama. Even absurdity should have its limits. I was so furious that it felt like my guts were writhing and burning.

“Camilla-sama, please hold back your pressure. This lot are liable to die from the shock. Dozens of them have already fainted from your pressure.”

“Goodness! Unable to bear with even this level!? How brittle humans are.”

I thought I was holding it back, but apparently my anger caused my mana to leak. It seems that dozens of them had died from the pressure of my overflowing mana. How terribly fragile. At this rate, my subordinates will end them without me doing a thing.

This is bad. I need to quickly join as well!

While riding Gargan, I glared over the bandits. And then I waved my arm from up to bottom. Each time, dozens of the bandits were cut right down the middle. Blood spurted from their two halves.

“UGYAHHH! MY ARMMMMM!”

“Hiii! I-, In an instant… c-, cut in t-, two…”

“Fragile. Much too fragile! To die so simply… is this not simply kindness!? What do I do with my anger at Oneesama’s humiliation! WHERE DO I TURN THIS ARNGERRRR!”

Driven by my anger, I smoothly cut through the bandits with my mana beam. It was a sea of blood around me. My mana beam turned them into corpses one after another. While I was cleaning up the bandits like this, that leader spoke to me with a stiff expression.

“T-, Timu-chan, was it? Forgive me. I won’t do bad things anymore.”

“Nielsen, this human’s crimes have increased again. The mouth of a mere human spoke the divine name that connects Oneesama and I.”

“A truly unforgiveable deed. Even capital punishment would not be enough.”

How far must this man anger me before he is satisfied? My fury reached its peak. How shall I kill him? How shall I torment him? While I was thinking about the execution method, all of the bandits ran towards me at once.

Hmph, a last stand after having no way out, huh? …How uninspired.

The moment that they tried to attack me, they exploded one by one. I watched the bandits pop in succession. It was suicide bombing through Explosion. Although it would have been a strong blow to a human, to a demon it was nothing but lacking. Simply useless struggle. Only, because of the dust cloud, my visibility has been decreased. Were they trying something with this opening…?

“Haha, cyaa, damned monsters!”

But the plan was simply escape. How foolish. How very foolish!

“Hmph, what petty tricks!”

“Camilla-sama, it appears that he is increasing his speed through body reinforcement magic, doesn’t it.”

Through the use of body reinforcement magic, the leader was getting further and further away. Although the effectiveness of this magic depended on the person, most of them were simply increasing power from ‘two’ to ‘three’. The leader had specialised it for his legs and was running with the speed of a wild beast.

“Honestly, does he believe that he can escape?”

Reaching the limit of my patience, I held my hand in the escaping man’s direction. I concentrated mana in my hand to create magic bullets. Dark, ominous masses of darkness magic. Having created magic bullets with many dozens the power of normal magic bullets, I set my sights on the leader.

“Disappear!”

I fired. The man was a few kilometres away, and looked no larger than a grain of rice. However, the magic bullets accurately found him.

“GUBOAHHH! A-, At this distance? D-, DAMNED MONSTERRRRR!”

Bombarded by magic bullets and having his flesh twisted to pieces, the leader’s shrill scream resounded through the area.

---

“A-, As expected of Boss. No mercy even to women. I admire that part of you.”
Pretty sure this is a light parody of Dio’s henchmen.

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<Previous Chapter | Imouto | Next Chapter>

 

Strictly speaking, I think there’s one combat-ready guard in each town’s guard station. Everybody else does paperwork and stuff.

In period dramas, you often get like this evil governor who forces a beautiful girl’s family into debt so that he can buy her as a de facto sex slave.

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Chapter 35 – “I’m the payment for a loan? Is this some period drama?”

Huu~ Why was meat so expensive…

I grumbled to myself as I hurried home. I bought ork meat at the marketplace, but it had risen to twice last month’s price. After adventurers hunt magic beasts it’s traded through middlemen in the marketplace, so the price needs to go up no matter what. But even accounting for that, this price increase is terrible.

Damned adventurers. Are you doing your jobs properly?

It’s clear that if the adventurers aren’t hunting enough, the price will go up because of demand and supply.

Aah~ If only I had enough power to hunt stuff myself, I wouldn’t be troubled like this.

As I was thinking such things, I arrived back at the shop.

Mn!? For some reason it’s noisy. What’s happening?

When I went back inside, I found Dad arguing vehemently with some strange men.

Dad’s face was red from anger.

Mum was crying. Her shoulder-length hair was dishevelled, and she looked terrible.

This isn’t some small deal.

Ha-!? Where’s Timu?

I immediately scanned the room. Timu and Pervert(Nielsen) were watching from a little distance away from my parents, standing stock still.

Phew. Seems like she’s safe.

But still, who the hell are these guys!

From what I can see, these mean-looking guys are arguing with Dad.

“Listen up. It seems like ya don’t really get it, so I’m gunna tell you once more. Right now you guys are ten million gold in debt.”

Eh-!? Daddy, is this for real!? Our family was in debt? It’s the first I’ve heard.

“D-, DON’T SPEW THIS BULLSHITT! I have no recollection of borrowing such money!”

Dad grabbed the man’s collar and argued back. Yeah, that’s right. Honestly, I can’t even imagine Dad being in debt.

“Didn’t I say? That Bizef dude in this town borrowed money from us using your shop as collateral.”

“As if something so stupid could happen!”

“Look at the contract. It’s recorded right here, ain’t it? Or what? You going to renege on this contract? That’s the same as rebelling against the royal family, yanno!”

“Wha-!? B-, Bastard. Shit. I can’t imagine that Bizef-san would… B-, But there’s no way that he’d borrow ten million gold.”

“Our interest is higher than most. 10% every 10 days. Course ya gotta pay the interest when you take out a loan!”

“T-, That can’t be…”

“For now I’ll be taking this store. Heh. You keep it pretty tidy. Ain’t this a nice house to live in? I’ve taken quite a liking to it.”

As the man talked with excitement, he noticed me and turned a vulgar smile my way.

Ueh~ Don’t look at me your filthy eyes! I’m getting goosebumps, damnit!

I unhappily glared back at the man. He was probably in his early fifties with a balding head, and that stink peculiar to middle-aged men. Only, his body was well-built, and he might have been a former adventurer or something.

“Ohh~? Looks like you’ve got yet another beauty for a daughter. That other girl over there is a bit on the small side, but this one’s just ripe. I’m fine with taking this one instead of some money, yanno?”

The man’s mouth curved into a slovenly smile. with that vulgar smile still plastered onto his face, he started to come near me.

T-, This might be bad…

“DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, YOU BASTARDDDD!”

“Oh? You want to settle this with violence? That’s fine. I don’t hate that.”

Dad tried to hit him in rage, but instead he got his arm twisted. Dad screamed as his arm was bent.

“GUWAHH!”

“Dad!”

“He he. I’m gunna break this arm of yours.”

“Stop it! I-, I’ve already called the guard.”

I immediately bluffed. It seems like these guys are used to violence, but they shouldn’t be stupid enough to lay their hands on the guards.

All that’s left is to pray that they believe me.

“Guard, huh~ Well, I’m sure it’s a lie, but I’ll believe the little miss and pull back for today.”

With that, the man let go of Dad’s arm, and violently thrust him away. Dad went flying, and crashed into a table.

“Guhah-! Y-, You bastarddd!”

“You have one week! If you don’t pay me by then, I’ll be helping myself to your shop and your daughter.”

Leaving a sharp parting remark, the men left the shop, smirking all the while.

“Dad, Mum.”

I rushed over to my drooping parents. Dad had been roughed up by those men and was bruised here and there. Mum’s eyes were swollen from crying, and though she didn’t seem to be hurt, I’m sure her emotional shock was immeasurable.

“Tilea, I’m sorry. That’s how it is, so your father and I might be selling the shop.”

“EHHH!? But why? That’s just a false accusation! It’s not right!”

“Those men seem to be moneylenders from the capital… their methods are terribly cunning. I saw the contract, but all of the debt was on us.”

“That can’t be… What did Bizef-san say about this?”

“He seemed to be haggard, and locked himself in his house, so…”

Ha-? What the fuck is that Loser(Bizef) doing? So you really did take all this money. Honestly, if you’re going to hole yourself up in your house, then don’t borrow the money! To begin with, why did he even want this much money? ――Wai-, huh? Could this be my fault?

Speaking of which, when he brought the goth loli outfit the other day, I think he did say something about being troubled for money…

Eh-!? B-, But, but, I never forced him, you know? Loser(Bizef) destroyed himself on his own. He’s in the wrong for borrowing money from somewhere dangerous.

Anyway, what do we do about the shop’s debt?

Honestly, if something happened to me like in the period dramas…

Unless we find a plan to push past this, those guys are definitely going to come again. I’m sure the next time when it’s past the deadline, they’ll even use force.

And if that happens, as the payment for this debt, I’ll be…

Hiii――! Just thinking about it is making me shake.

“H-, Hey. At this rate, am I going to be sold as payment?”

“Of course that won’t happen! Leave it to Dad!”

I’m happy that you feel that way, Dad. But it’s impossible. Dad is a chef to the core, so he’s no match for those wiley moneylenders.

Alright. It’s my turn to shine. Daddy, leave it to me. Don’t make light of me just because I’m a town girl!

Although I look like this, I played 『Jace Attorney』 to death, and completely drowned myself in the manga 『Emperor of Minami』 so I have no blind spots. I’ll see through any blind spots in the contract, and even damage their business back!

Idiots. I object! AHHAHAHAHA!

“Dad, leave this to me. I’ll do something about it.”

“What the hell are you saying, idiot!”

“Tilea, you absolutely can’t do anything dangerous! These men aren’t simple moneylenders! The rumours have it that they’re linked to a bandit group!”

“R-, Really?”

Seeing how meek my parents were being, I gulped.

Apparently these guys were a bandit group that did anything from thievery to downright murder. According to the rumours, that boss-looking man was called Jacoh, and was both a B-ranked adventurer and apparently quite a villain behind the scenes. Recalling his face, he really does seem like the boss of some mountain bandit group.

Hearing this unexpected information from my parents caused me to pale, and they told me they were going to discuss the issue with the other villagers before leaving.

It was just me, Timu and Pervert(Nielsen) left over. Anyway, Timu’s safe, and that’s what matters most. I ran over to Timu and spoke to her.

“Timu, were you okay?”

“Please be at ease, Oneesama. The strategy is still in effect. However, today was the first time I have been this angry. In particular, when they slighted you Oneesama, I wished to blow them away, shop and all.”

“I-, I see. You did well to endure it. Well done.”

Because of the chuunibyou she’s acting confident, but I’ll best she’s scared inside. I stroked her head to console her, and I didn’t forget to speak to Pervert(Nielsen) either.

“You also did well enduring it, Niel.”

Honestly, this guy is a mad dog that bites at anybody, so I was pretty worried.

“Milady. Both Camilla-sama and I endured with the same feelings. Also, it would not do to dirty your precious store with their blood after all.”

“Y-, Yeah…”

Honestly… I can’t even tsukkomi anymore.

It’s at times like these that chuunibyou is terrifying. No matter what kind of villain they might be facing off with, they’re filled to the bone with confidence.

“Oneesama, they have left the store. This is our chance. If we end them with a nocturnal raid, our information will not be leaked.”

“Please leave this to me, Tilea-sama. Their disrespect cannot be forgiven. I will have them taste all the suffering that a human body can suffer, and torment them to the point that they beg for death themselves!”

Pervert(Nielsen) left some extreme words before trying to leave the store.

Oh crap. This isn’t a bluff. I can sense that rampaging unique to chuunibyous.

“S-, Stop! You don’t have to go. Just your feelings are plenty.”

“Yes Milady.”

Pervert(Nielsen) gave some vague reply. Even if it’s Pervert(Nielsen) doesn’t mean I can let him waste his life. If I don’t stop him, he really will head to those yakuza dudes. Chuunibyou really is terrifying.

Now that I’ve finished dealing with Nielsen, let’s head back into the main topic.

What do I do?

Even if I went to find a problem with the contract, I’d want somebody to come with me.

Loser(Bizef) is in the middle of holing up, so he’s a no. Well, even if I forcefully brought him along, he’s still the type that would faint with just a delinquent or dokyun. If I brought him to the real thing, he’d just faint in the end.

Then do I bring Pervert(Nielsen)?

No, that’s rejected too. Pervert(Nielsen) is too weak as well. Far from being 1hko’d, just their bloodlust alone would probably kill him from shock.

Well then, Timu…

Whoa, whoa, whoa, just thinking about it is terrifying. There’s no way I could bring Timu to that den of Usojima-kuns. Absolutely not!

Hahh~ I considered various things, but in the end I was at a loss as to who to bring with me. Can’t be helped. Shall I go by myself…?

“For now, just leave it to me. I’ll go deal with them alone. Timu, Niel, you two wait at the shop.”

“Are you going yourself, Tilea-sama? I do not believe that garbage of their level is worthy of dirtying your own hands, but…”

“Nielsen, I am certain Oneesama has some reason behind it.”

“That’s right. It’s what I’ve concluded after some thinking. You two make sure to watch the shop properly, okay?”

“Milady. Your concern is unnecessary.”

“Oneesama, please leave the shop to us during your absence.”

Leaving the shop to the two of them, I decided to march alone into the stronghold of those Loanshark Usojima-kuns.

Uu~ It’s scary.

Putting power into my trembling legs, I hurried to their base.

But while I was on my way there, I suddenly had a thought.

Hang on.

Thinking about it carefully, this world basically has no laws. As the ones with overwhelming power, those guys basically are the law. If I pointed out some flaw in the contract, those guys would just get angry at me, and that would be the end.

In that case, do I show them my power?

That won’t do either. Even if I defeated dokyun, in the end they were just amateurs; nothing but your average delinquents. That’s why I was able to use a strategy to punish them. But this time, I’m heading into the headquarters of the real thing. No matter what kind of little tricks I use, I’ll just be easily defeated.

Haha, no matter how I think about it, it’s checkmate.

Mum and Dad said they would speak to the other villagers, but that won’t get us anywhere. I stopped my running legs, and crouched on the spot.

It can’t be helped. All we can do now is close up shop, and make a run for it during the night. Aah~ It’ll be goodbye to this familiar town as well. I collapsed to my knees listlessly and began to cry.

“What are you doing in a place like this?”

“Heh?”

“Ooh~ You were Tilea, weren’t you. Thanks for the information earlier. You were right. There were suspicious characters in the Capital.”

When I turned my head to see who was speaking, I found a beautiful elf. With a black blade, she stood there gallantly.

“Ah-, ah-, ah-…”

“It’s been a while. Have you forgotten me? I’m Remilia.”

“R-, Remieamon, use your toool――!”

Paying no heed to my appearance, I hugged Remilia-san. Aah, to think I would meet with Remilia-san during my despair… She truly is my saviour.

“O-, Oi. Didn’t I tell you not to hug me! Won’t you let go! Mu-!? Strong as ever, aren’t you.”

“Wahhhhhhh, please save me. I don’t know what to do!”

“EEI! I get it, I get it. I’ll listen to you, so let go!”

After letting go of her, I began to explain what happened so far.

Because of villains, a tragedy befell my happy family. They were just like those evil governors that appealed in period dramas.

“In other words, you’re being targeted by some evil moneylenders, and you want me to save you.”

“Yes.”

“Sorry, but I don’t have the time. I’m here in order to scout for the Demon King Army. This area is suspicious after all.”

It’s exactly wild tales about the Demon King Army that you shouldn’t have time for. Even right this moment my family is at risk of breaking up.

“Please. I don’t have anybody to rely on but you.”

“What about the guard in this town? Rely on him!”

“About that, you see, he’s a completely useless guy. He’s weak enough that he was beaten by the delinquents in town.”

“Ha-? A guy like that is a guard?”

Remilia-san was astounded. Mn, I know how she feels. Why is a loser like that our Guard Captain…?

“You might not believe it, but it’s the truth.”

“…As I recall, the Guard Captain here was supposed to be a C-rank ex-adventurer, but…”

“About that, it’s just a title. I’m sure he just got lucky.”

“No, rankings aren’t so easy that you can get them with luck. Even more so if it’s C-rank.”

“Then that C-rank must be fake then. I’m sure he forged it.”

“Impossible. Forging a rank is the most stupid thing you could do. It wouldn’t end with just the guild after you. It’s serious enough an offence that even an arrest warrant from the Capital would be put out!”

“Is that how it is? Either way, right now the Guard Captain is hiding inside his house and isn’t being of any use at all. Whatever is fine, so please help.”

I desperately lowered my head in a bow. There’s no one left but Remilia-san. The only saviour who can help my family is you, Remilia-san.

“I’m sorry, but this is a threat that endangers the world. I don’t have the time to deal with a small issue like this.”

Remilia-san rejected me. Her disgusted expression was probably because she sympathised with my plight a little. I guess there’s no choice but to push a little more.

“Aah, so I’m being abandoned. Even though I heard that Remilia-san was a descendant of a hero…”

“Mumumu!”

“What mumumu! Even though you’re abandoning a civilian, can you still call yourself a hero?”

“H-, However.”

“Aah, my poor Timu. I’m sure after fleeing in the night, we’ll die on the roadside in some unknown town~…”

I moistened my eyes, and made an appeal to her. Remilia-san, a citizen is in peril. Don’t you have any pride as a hero!

“Huu, no choice. Guide me to them. In exchange, if you hear any information on the Demon King Army, I’ll have you report to me in detail.”

“I understand. Thank you very much!”

We’re saved. I somehow managed to gain Remilia-san’s cooperation. With this I can relax. I guided Remilia-san the stronghold of the Usojima-kuns.

And then… we arrived.

There was a deep moat around it, and barbed wire. The barbed wire even had traces of blood. Uu, just the look of this place seems to be the lair of some dangerous bandits. Honestly, it’s completely a fantasy world version of a yakuza office. I’m a bit late in thinking this, but thank goodness Remilia-san is with me. It would be impossible for me to come to a place like this alone.

Even looking at this abnormal stronghold, Remilia-san wasn’t perturbed in the slightest. How reliable. Huhu, with Remilia-san as my backer, there’s nothing left to be afraid of. All that’s left is to make use of this tongue of mine and eloquently cancel off the debt.

“Anyway, we’re in huge debt because of that contract. But it was something they forcefully invented, so there should be a contradiction somewhere.”

“I see.”

Alright. I need to somehow find that contradiction and criticise them. I have Remilia-san behind me. They won’t flip out and attack me.

“Ah-, Remilia-san, it’s this place. For now, I’ll go inside and――”

“YOU VILLAINSS――!”

SO YOU THINK LIKE A YAKUZA TOOOO!?

Remilia opened the door, went inside, and then started beating the crap out of the Usojima-kuns inside.

Aah, aah, these guys are getting beaten to a pulp without any idea of what’s going on. They’re getting beaten down without even a chance to argue back. What if she just swallowed some of my lies, and I was a villainess? What if these guys were just your normal law-abiding citizens…?

Even like this, Remilia-san is a descendent of a hero――no, I suppose this is right in a way. Walking into somebody’s house like it’s their own, breaking a vase, and then walking off with the contents. And then in the name of justice, bringing down the sword of judgement no matter how weak a monster it might be.

Remilia-san, you’re the spitting image of a hero.

The Usojima-kuns noticed the attack and began to defend, but they were no match for Remilia-san. As expected of a person who’s both an S-ranked adventurer, as well as the descendant of a hero. It’s a completely one-sided game.

Remilia-san seemed to be searching for our contract, and while beating up the Usojima-kuns, she started “Is it this? Is this paper it?”.

Honestly, I was like an idiot for thinking about finding a flaw in the contract. What we’re doing is the spitting image of a Yakuza.

No good, no good. What am I thinking about. No matter what method this might be, Remilia-san is saving our family. I need to be grateful.

After this and that happened, Remilia-san showed me a certain contract.

“This?”

“Ah~ Remilia-san, that’s the one.”

Remilia-san finally found out debt contract. She then tore it to pieces.

“Ah-! Bitch, what the fuck are you doing!”

“Quiet down!”

Remilia-san twisted Jacoh’s arm. With an expression of suffering from his arm being twisted to the limit, he occasionally let out moans of pain.

Serves you damn right! This is your punishment for being violent with dad. I want him to learn even a little bit of others’ pain.

Remilia-san further twisted it with enough force to break his arm.

“IT HURTS! Owowowow. BITCH! OI! FUCKEN LET GO!”

“Silence. Die, villain!”

While Remilia-san continued to twist Jacoh’s arm, she drew her sword. And then with that sharp-looking black blade, she thrust at Jacoh’s throat――

“UWAHH! Stop! Stop! Remilia-san, killing him would be bad.”

“Why did you stop me? Isn’t he a villain?”

“No, I mean he is, but still, killing is…”

“Tilea, if I don’t kill him now, he’ll continue to prey on the weak, you know.”

It’s exactly as she says. But as somebody raised in the peaceful Japan, it’s too much stimulation for me. As long as there isn’t a debt anymore, I’m fine.

“It’s fine. We’ll leave them up to the guards.”

“I see.”

Remilia-san sheathed her sword.

Phew~ Have I gotten her to hold back somehow?

Jacoh and the others were being taken away. Our debt was gone, and the shop was back to normal.
I really owe Remilia-san a lot. I definitely want to give her some information on the Demon King Army to pay her back.

But information…? How do I tell her something that I don’t have?

As you’d expect, information on the Evil God Army would be no good, huh.

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『Emperor of Minami』
https://www.mangaupdates.com/series.html?id=18103

『Jace Attorney』
In Japanese, Ace Attorney is known as Turnabout Trial, or 『Gyakuten Saiban』. Here, it’s 『Gyaku ‘tin’ Saiban』, so basically one of the kanji is replaced with nonsense that sounds a bit similar.

“R-, Remieamon, use your toool――!”
Catchphrase from Doraemon.
Should be “Doraemon, use your tool!”

“Loan Shark Usojima-kun”
Parody of Loan Shark Ushijima-kun

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Chapter 34 – “The skill of a craftsman sure shines, huh. I’ve said it twice now!”

Now then, shall I try my best as well, today!

Today I’m planning on making the Otherworld version of “nikujaga”. The ingredients I’m using are ork meat and few buttered potatoes, as well as salt, mirin and sugar etc. for the flavouring.
First I’ll be chopping boned ribs into strips of a few centimetres. After that I’ll put oil into the pan and add in the meat together with bite-sized pieces of buttered potato. After that I’ll add the seasoning, simmer it on medium heat, and then when the colour of the meat starts to change, it’s done.

Hm♪ Hm♪ Around now, I guess?

I opened the lid to have a look inside when I suddenly heard Timu and Pervert(Nielsen)’s voices.

“Tilea-sama!”

“Oneesama!”

“What isss it, you two? Did you spot a new type of dragon or something?”

“No, it is not a report of that sort.”

“Then what?”

“Milady. The reorganisation of the Household Guard has been completed, and on this occasion we humbly inquire the Evil God Army’s strategy from this moment on.”

“I eagerly await your orders, Oneesama, as do all members of the Household Guard, Nielsen included.”

Is what Timu and Pervert(Nielsen) suddenly said. In the past they did say stuff like “reorganising the Household guard” or “we would like you to come for an inspection”, so apparently Timu and the others are inviting me to play Evil God Army. After what I said during tea time the other day, they probably thought I was one of them. Well it’s true that in my past life I was a chuunibyou, after all. I’m healed now though.

Only, if I’m being too negative about their hobby, they’ll just go against me. I was like that too, so I understand. I guess I don’t have any option except to play along for now, and warn them indirectly.

Alright. Now that that’s decided, shall I play the part of Generalissimo too!?

Let’s see, let’s see. What should we do first. Pervert(Nielsen) said that he wanted to hear the battle plans, but right now I don’t know about this pretend Demon King Army. Mm~mm, maybe for now I’ll allocate them positions or something.

“Well then, Timu, I appoint you Viceroy of the Evil God Army. From now on, you are to decide on the direction of the army yourself.”

“Understood. I am joyed at being appointed such an important task. I shall strive to meet your expectations with my life.”

Timu’s eyes sparkled in excitement.

With her life? …Well, it’s natural that a chuunibyou would get excited after you tell them something like that. I might have gone a bit too far with the Viceroy thing. But, well, look at how happy she is. Let’s just take this as a good thing.

“Niel, you’ll be Household Guard Captain, just like before, okay?”

“Yes Milady. I shall fulfil this role with my life.”

Pervert(Nielsen)’s eyes sparkled as well. Mn. Just as expected.

“Also, while we’re at it, shall we copy the Demon King Army and create a Six Demon Generals group as well? Is there anybody suitable for being a general in Timu’s Praetorian Guard?”

“Oneesama, it is not my Household Guard, but yours.”

“Aah, right. And so, was there anybody talented amongst the people you play with? Uummm, I know Bel, but…”

“Belnandes is talented as an intelligence operative, but he does not have the calibre to lead an army.”

So explained Pervert(Nielsen).

Hmmmm, I see…

But if Pervert(Nielsen) is the only one with a role, the others are going to get dissatisfied, you know. People need to take turns for stuff like that.

Speaking of which, how have they been deciding the roles thus far?

Scissors-Paper-Rock? Or did Timu appoint them?

Well, Scissors-Paper-Rock or Eenie Minie Moe is all good I guess. When in Rome, do as the Romans. I’ll follow their rules.

“Right. Then Timu, you’ll be both the Viceroy and a General. I’ll find somebody talented before long.”

“Understood. Please leave it to me. I shall crush all of your enemies, Oneesama!”

Looks like Timu’s having a lot of fun.

She was particularly ecstatic when I told her about the Viceroy thing. She started having a great time, asking Pervert(Nielsen) stuff like “How are our forces in the Capital?” and “How goes the preparations against the Demon King Army?”. I even ended up hearing crazy stuff like “We shall eradicate them along with the village!”.

Timu, you’re getting a bit too into it, you know. I’ll be troubled if you start asking stuff like “When shall we attack the Capital?”.

But you know, sorry about this, but I have my cooking training, so I can’t always be playing with you. As her older sister, I’d better find her some suitable playmates, right?

Hm~mm, who else seems suitable…

Dad and Mum have the shop, so I can’t ask the impossible.

So I guess it has to be Loser(Bizef) after all, huh.

Well, he has his job, but it’s not like he’s any use at it. As long as he’s useless as a town guard, he’s as good as playing. Then I want him to at least bond with the townsfolk.

As I was thinking that,

“Tilea-chan.”

Oh! Speak of the devil.

“Hello, Bizef-san! What brings you, today?”

“Another present, Tilea-chan.”

Present!?

In Loser(Bizef)’s hands was a box with a ribbon neatly wrapped around it. It really looks like a present.

Oi, oi, he’s completely turned into one of those guys that keeps giving a girl presents. Is this because I was overly happy that time with the maid outfit?

Honestly, enough. I won’t be able to sleep well if he forces himself into bankruptcy.

“Bizef-san, you don’t have to force yourself. You’ve already thanked me enough.”

“Yeah, but you know, the clothing this time is special made. You’ll definitely like it.”

Special made? …Is this guy really okay?

It isn’t just repairs for his rare equipment, but also three pairs of order made clothes, you know. I would think that it would be quite an expenditure, but…

“Bizef-san, it really has been plenty.”

“Well I can’t give it back now, and it would make me happiest for you to have it. So take it, okay?”

Hmm. If he can’t return it, then would it just go to waste?

“I understand. Bizef-san, thank you very much. I shall accept it then.”

I accepted the box from Loser(Bizef).

Inside was…

Black lace. Frills on a western style dress. Commonly known as “goth loli”.

Oohh! Oh my goodness! The skill of a craftsman sure shines, huh.

Heh. This makes it the second time I’ve said it. The second time I’ve been made to say it. What a magnificent piece of art.

Damned Loser(Bizef). Not bad. You clearly remembered all the plans I talked about when I asked you for the maid clothing, didn’t you. Even the fine details have been reproduced.

“I’m happy that you like it. It makes the fortune I spent worthwhile.”

“Fortune… Just how much did this cost?”

“Hmm~ About three million gold I guess?”

“Th-, Three million!? B-, Bizef-san, are you okay spending so much?”

“Well, I’ll make do somehow. I borrowed a little from somewhere a bit dangerous, but as long as I repay them before the deadline it won’t be an issue.”

U-, Ummm~ Isn’t that pretty bad? It’s one of those illegal loans, right?

Uu, although he did it on his own accord, since I know it was for my sake my heart hurts.

Just as the guilt was rising up inside me, Pervert(Nielsen) joined our conversation.

“Why if it isn’t Garbage! I see. So you have brought tribute to Tilea-sama. Although you are garbage, your attitude is admirable. I shall praise you on behalf of Tilea-sama.”

“You again, huh! I thought about forgiving you since you were a pitiful crazy, but it looks like we’ll have to settle this between us, huh.”

“You speak beyond the place of garbage. I do not mind settling it right here. The dread――”

“Nielsen, will you not stop! Have you forgotten Oneesama’s teachings! She has already warned us. That she would not excuse any actions that would impede her strategy.”

“M-, My deepest apologies.”

Hearing Timu’s sharp words, Pervert(Nielsen) dropped into a dogeza. Pervert(Nielsen)’s special skill of repeatedly apologising with his forehead against the ground was already enough to be his special skill.

“Haha, what the hell? Honestly, as a grown adult, you sure have interesting games.”

Honestly, it’s exactly as he says. This is playing “Master and Servant” you know. Seeing a grown adult dogeza to a child really is too surreal, isn’t it. Although I’ve already grown used to it…

“But still, hasn’t Timu’s atmosphere changed quite a bit?”

“Aah, don’t mind that. Timu is in her rebellious phase.”

“Really? Hm~ Timu-chan, don’t trouble your sister too much.”

“I-, I need not be told that by YOUUU――! I, trouble Oneesama, you say? Bastarddd, what disgrace to receive from a human――”

“Hush, hush. Calm down, Timu. Have you already forgotten your promise with your Oneechan?”

“M-, My deepest apologies. I-, I have once again let you down, Oneesama.”

“There, there. It’s okay. You’re a good girl, Timu. I haven’t been disappointed.”

I rubbed Timu on the head.

“Sorry, Bizef-san. Since Timu’s like this, for today you should…”

“G-, Got it. Timu-chan, I’m sorry. Well then, I’ll be leaving this with you.”

Saying that, Loser(Bizef) immediately left. I’m a bit worried about him since he even took out a loan, but he’s an adult too. He said it would be fine, so I’m sure it will be. Anyway, he did go to such lengths to give me this present. I’d better make the best of it. Now then, shall the goth loli outfit make its debut? I spoke to Timu in my arms.

“Timu, won’t you change into this for me?”

“Understood.”

Timu took the goth loli outfit and began to stare hard at it. Since it’s something different, she’s probably quite curious.

“Oohh! What a nostalgic outfit!”

“Eh!? Timu, you’ve worn something like this before?”

As far as I can remember, we’ve never had an outfit like this before, but…

“It is quite similar to the outfit I wore in my childhood.”

“Eh? Eh? Eh?”

“As you would expect, once I passed a thousand years old I stopped wearing it, but… based on my current body, this would certainly be a perfect fit, wouldn’t it.”

Aah, I see. So she’s talking about Demon Camilla. Mn, it’s true that this outfit fits with the image of stuff you’d imagine demons and vampires to wear. Timu, you’ve got quite the imagination, don’t you.

“I see. Then how about putting it on for the first time in a while?”

“Yes. If that is your wish, Oneesama…”

Timu took the goth loli outfit and went to change.

After waiting for a few minutes…

Timu appeared before me in goth loli.

“Fuoahhh. It fits you. It super fits you.”

Just as expected. No, this destructive power is even GREATER than expected!

Goth loli really does suit Timu.

“I see. If you think so, then I shall make this my family heirloom, Oneesama.”

“Yes, yes, please do. How about changing your hairstyle while you’re at it?”

I gave Timu twintails.

How about it! The goth loli twintail Timu is super lovely!
She’s like a princess from somewhere. You’re firing up my twintail-loving heart.

UOHHHH, GOOD JOB, ME! SPLENNNDID――!

“Ehehe, you’re so cute, Timu.”

“O-, Oneesama. Your eyes have become scary again.”

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Monster Parent is a term that refers to those crazy parents that make unreasonable demands for their children. Like, those overprotective, crazy mums that blame other people for everything when it comes to their children, even when their children are in the wrong. You see them in tv shows sometimes. Manga and stuff too.

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Chapter 33 – “Shall we have tea?” (Finale)

Uuh, groaned Pervert(Nielsen) on the floor. Timu was dumbfounded too.

Hah-!? Oh no!

The mood worsened a little. Even though I told him “Hit me!” myself, I went and did something like this. Thinking about it carefully, there’s no way that the chuunibyou Pervert(Nielsen) could read the mood.

“Aah~ Sorry, Niel. You did really well. That last one hurt. It really surprised me.”

“O-, u-, to be praised by Tilea-sama is… t-, the acme of honou, r. T-, This too is th, anks… to y-, your guidance…”

Pervert(Nielsen) praised me with a suffering expression on his face.

Ahaha~ I really am sorry. You don’t need to force yourself, so just lay there and rest.

“B-, But still, Oneesama. To think that even a strike that crushed orichalchum only damaged you to this degree. No wonder you didn’t even flinch from my secret technique.”

Perhaps sensing the mood, Timu changed the subject. It feels like even Timu is being considerate of me.

“Haha, something like that happened too, didn’t it. But your path down the road of magic is just beginning, you know. There’s plenty of room to grow.”

“I wonder. I believed that I had already mastered magic, but…”

“Timu, that’s hubris. You’re still a beginner that’s only just starting to learn.”

“I-, I am a beginner!? This is the first time I have been told such a thing.”

Timu looked shocked and upset. Damn Timu, just because you can use magic, you’ve become so full of yourself, huh. At this rate, Timu is going to turn into a frog in a well.

“Timu, do you think you’re the number one in magic or something! If you keep thinking like that, you’ll put a stop to your own growth, you know.”

“That’s true. It seems that without my knowledge, I placed a limit on myself.”

“Well, I guess it can’t be helped. When you learnt magic, nobody was around to teach you after all.”

“It is as you say. There was nobody around me who could reach my level of talent in magic. Had it not been for your words, Oneesama, I would have been satisfied with the status quo.”

“Mn. If you’ve noticed, then there’s no problem. Don’t get so down about our fight that time. Your attacks were pretty powerful, you know? It’s just that I’ve already gotten used to people firing airguns at me.”

“Oneesama, what is this ‘eh ahgun’?”

“Hmm~ How do I explain this? Like a BB round――no, like a bullet-firing machine, I suppose you could say?”

“A weapon akin to a crossbow?”

Mm~mm, strictly speaking it’s kind of different, huh? It’s based on a pistol shape after all…

No, no, this age doesn’t even have the concept of guns. Well, a crossbow is also a long-distance weapon, so it falls into the same category. I guess you could say that it’s similar.

“Mn, something like that, I guess.”

“Might that rivals Star Freya[Super Demonic Star Magic Bullet]――I assume that this ‘eh ahgun’ must be something akin to a divine artifact.”

“Haha, it’s nothing so grand. Even kids have them after all.”

“Wha-!? In ‘Japan’, even children walk around with such weapons!?”

“W-, Well, yeah. You don’t have to act so surprised, though…”

“O-, Oneesama, this ‘Japan’ is truly a frightening place, isn’t it.”

“Hm? Well, the science is more developed over there, so you’re certainly right. And so you see, for a period of time, I was being targeted by this group of kids with air guns.”

“Although they were children, they were a group armed with weapons rivalling the might of my secret technique. It is simple to imagine the danger they posed.”

“So you understand, Timu? Honestly, there was nothing more annoying.”

Seriously, just remembering it pisses me off! I don’t know who came up with it, but there was this otaku-hunting boom amongst the brats in my area, so I ended up being targeted. Each time I went outside, they’d relentlessly attack me. Just how much trouble did I suffer just going to the convenience store!

“Well then, Oneesama, how did you deal with it?”

“As you’d expect, when there were too many of them I would run, but if I saw an opening, I’d do one of them in. Then their parents would come out, and it’d become even more chaotic.”

“I see. If they were children strong enough to attack you, Oneesama, their parents must have proved to be quite the foes.”

“Yeah, they really were. They were monster parents, you know.”

“Monster parents!? What strong sounding… Something like a chimeric beast made from various monsters?”

“Well, you’re right in that they were incomprehensible beings. Honestly, those shrill voices were exactly like a chimera’s.”

Just how difficult did those monster parents make my life. To begin with, it’s your fault for raising them wrong!

Hahh~ Just remembering it is irritating me. Getting brought up with the PTA when I hit a primary schooler at the age of 20. Getting talked behind my back by the people in the neighbourhood. And on top of all that, getting questioned by the police. It never rained, but poured.

“From ‘dokyun’, to groups with high-powered weapons, to monster parents – your battles never ended, did they, Oneesama.”

“That’s right. That period of my life was called the First Evil God Encirclement. After that, even the nation itself began to see me as an enemy, but I’ll tell you the rest some other time.”

“Yes. I look forward to hearing about your military history. You are my pride, Oneesama.”

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“That’s right. That period of my life was called the First Evil God Encirclement.”
Parody of the Nobunaga Encirclement, of which there were three

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