All posts by Estelulu

President of the Shitposting and Sometimes Translation Club, and twice-convicted Suzuhara Lulu shill.

Hmm, so about Tilea’s Worries

I re-read some of the raw web novel just now, and remembered part of the reason I liked it.

The MC is cute. One of few former-male-now-male-in-a-woman’s-body protagonists that I find cute.

As her mother once describes them, ‘my dumb, but cute daughter’. I suppose they’re cute because they’re a cowardly dumbass that’s prone to hilarious panic.

And so, I’ll endeavour to get some more chapters out soon. Editing one side story at the moment, and balancing both Evil God stories, as well as Bathroom Goddess for the near future.

Book of God – 01

I think most of you know already, but 黒歴史(kurorekishi), known as dark history or black history, refers to the incredibly embarrassing shit that happened to you in the past.
Like when you ran around pretending to be Naruto in 8th grade, or when you were so into death metal in 9th grade.
Or the time you started a dancing blog and uploaded videos of your own choreography(lol).

Of course, being an Evil God, there’s obviously the meaning at face value too.


Chapter 1 – The Beginning of a Dark History

I’ve heard a saying before about how it’s easier to destroy something than create.
It’s a somewhat paradoxical saying that emphasises the difficult of creating things.
Whether it’s buildings, or artwork, or culture, when you create something, a lot of time and effort is needed to do so.

*imouto*

But if I had to add one more line to that──

*imouto*

──it would be that cleaning up after things that you accidentally create are also quite a pain. Including bad things that you’ve accidentally done.

*imouto*

And if I had to add one more line on top of that──

*imouto*

──it would be that if you leave it to somebody else because cleaning up is a pain, there also exists the fear of things getting worse.

*imouto*

The newly erected temple, the Forteran Army that was driven away, the Evil God Followers who ended up saved because of this, and more than anything else, I myself, who had become an Evil God.
There were so many problems that I didn’t even know where to begin, so I decided to create a rough order of precedence, and allocate people wherever I could. There shouldn’t be anything wrong with this line of thinking.
And to me, the point of highest priority was dealing with the fact that I’d become an evil god, and all other matters were lower. Considering this once again, I still think this was correct.

So that’s why. That’s why…

*imouto*

“As our great god’s──Anri-sama’s, servant, I, Pope Harvin, hereby declare, the establishment of the 『Holy Anri Thearchy』!”

*imouto*

I want to believe that this isn’t my fault.
Also, I’d like for you to stop with that name. Very much so.

◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆

The Evil God Followers were taken in on the first surface floor of the temple, and I left their care to Tena and Leonora. Having said that though, I had no intention of worrying as far as the minor details, and the fundamental idea was to have them arrange themselves.

“And so, why did it turn into this?”

“Even if you ask me that… you know?”

“I just passed on the message, 『Gather your followers over there.』 exactly as you said, Anri-sama, but…”

After Tena and Leonora returned to the top floor of the temple, they told me about the details regarding the speech that the Merry Founder──now, the Merry Pope, gave beyond the monitor, but apparently Tena just passed on the message as is. So how did it have anything to do with founding a country…?

“You’ll probably need to ask him yourself… But whatever the reason, now that he’s declared as such, you can’t so easily take it back, you know.”

“I know.”

What’s more, although we declared that we were creating a country, in the end our situation was just that of insisting that it was true. There’s the fact that we weren’t being acknowledged by other countries as well, but that was because we hadn’t created a country yet. We were just a temple sheltering 1000 refugees, without even a single house, so of course it that much was natural.
But since that announcement had already been accepted by the followers, it was too late to say otherwise.
Of course, I could use my position as God to force the decision to withdraw the announcement, but once I considered the chaos that would ensue, I couldn’t so easily take the plunge.

“Why do they know my name?”

“They begged me, 『Please, please tell us!』 so I ended up telling them, but… was that no good?”

I replied to Tena’s worried question with a shake of the head.
There was the fact that I hadn’t forbidden her to do so as well, and since there was the benefit of being more famous and familiar amongst the followers, I had no intention of criticising her. Because right after that announcement, my belly felt full. At the time I didn’t know what was going on and fell into confusion, but apparently, because the announcement had made my name known, the effectiveness of their faith ended up rising, or so I concluded later on.

Having become a member of the Divine Race, I didn’t need to eat, drink, or use the bathroom any more, but in exchange, how full I felt apparently depended on the religious faith that the people of this world had towards me. I guess that’s how it ended up.
Right now I had faith, so I was happy with a full stomach, but if the faith towards me dropped too much, then I’d be stuck with feeling hungry. Not only that, even eating food wouldn’t fill that hunger, so until the faith towards me restored, I’d continue to starve…
Considering this, forming a country might be convenient for me; mostly in the sense that keeping myself famous would fill my stomach. Although, far from solving any problems, the fact that problems had just increased gave me a headache, and I’m worried about the reactions of the other countries too.

What I wish is to live peacefully, but I don’t want to suffer and starve either. The ideal would be to maintain a deadlock where I’d preserve just enough faith, while not being invaded by any countries.
Having said that though, just being the Evil God Country would be famous enough, so…

“At least change the name.”

“Why? Isn’t it a fine name?”

“I think so too. And furthermore, the name is already well-known amongst the followers, and so, changing it now would be…”

It’s damned embarrassing. Embarrassing enough to roll about in agony on my bed.
Also, why is an evil god-worshipping country prefixed with ‘Holy’? I seriously want to know.

“It isn’t just the followers, you know. That guy has already sent out letters to every nation, after all.”

Why the heck is he so needlessly proactive!? If it’s already spread that far, isn’t it impossible to change now!?
Letting that country name become known across the land, what kind of shame torture is this?

No, wait, wait, thinking about it carefully, there’s a more important issue.
Isn’t sending something like “We created the nation of the Evil God” to every nation basically the same as a declaration of war?
And in a situation where far from being a “nation”, we’re not even a “village” yet?

“Every country is going to come attack us.”

“Although you can’t let your guard down, for now you’ll be fine.”

I asked Leonora ‘Why?’ with my gaze and… she averted her eyes. Although I’ve become a divine now, my mystic eyes are still in good health. I’m just glad that they haven’t gotten worse though.

“The country right beside ours is the Kingdom of Fortera. Considering what happened the other day, they’ll probably be cautious about invading.”

Well, I certainly did threaten the Forteran Army quite terribly. I guess they won’t invade right this second. Having said that though, just as Leonora said, I can’t let my guard down and it’s just a matter of time.

“For now, tell them that they can use the first three terrarean floors, Tena. Also, I’ll leave the management of the country to that Pope.”

“Yes, Anri-sama. I understand.”

Although I’m worried about choosing the Pope, incredibly worried about choosing the Pope… he was apparently the peacemaker in the cult, and there was no reason to change it. Moreover, I couldn’t think of anybody else for the job.
Incidentally, I’m using the 5th and top layer as another residence, and prepared rooms for Tena and Leonora as well. As for Lili, she’s still too young to be on her own, so she’s sharing a room with Tena. However, Tena became busy recently, so I’ve been looking after Lili a lot of the time. Perhaps that had some effect, because as long as I didn’t meet her in the eyes, she’d seem pretty attached to me. I’m a little moved.
The 4th floor is serving as a line of defence. But the actual stronghold is on the subterranean 31st floor, so it’s fine even if I abandon this place when the time comes.
The dungeon core is still on the 31st floor, and I put a newly divided subcore on the 5th surface floor. In exchange for having a number of its functions sealed, like the ability to add floors, with the subcore I could check for abnormalities in the dungeon even without being on the 31st floor. Only, it didn’t function as a backup, and if the main dungeon core was destroyed, then the subcore would break as well.

I hadn’t really decided on what to do with the 3rd surface floor and below, so I offered it for use by the management of the country. With this place as the base, they’ll probably clear the land around the temple and build a town. Only, I don’t really know much about that, so I left it all to somebody else. While I was at it, I pushed all the exchanges with the Merry Pope to Tena. No, I mean, I am sorry to Tena, but once I think about that guy’s vigour, I’m afraid of meeting him directly.

Incidentally, although they’re surface floors, they’re still part of the dungeon. I made it so that monsters wouldn’t spawn, but I couldn’t stop the miasma. Only, unlike the floors underground, it was open here, so I dealt with the problem by blowing it outside.

*imouto*

*imouto*

“Speaking of which, is it really fine for you to stay here, Leonora?”

We’d stopped the conversation so that I could tell Tena to give instructions to the Pope, but I suddenly had that wonder, and so I asked her.
She’s helped me with a lot of things, but thinking about it carefully, isn’t it bad to be receiving “aid from another country”?

“Yeah, no problems. My country is focused on this place as well, you see. They want know what’s going on. In exchange for letting me stay here for a while, I’ll help out.”

“…Thanks.”

When I thanked her, Leonora combed her hands through her beautiful silver hair, as her face turned a little red, and she looked away.

“I-, It isn’t really anything to thank me for. They’re orders from my country, right? I’m something like a spy, you know.”

If you were seriously stealing information, there’d be no need for you to tell me; would pointing this out to her be boorish?
It was obvious that she was worrying about me.

“S-, Speaking of which, have you grasped the effects of becoming an evil god?”

“About half of it.”

In exchange for not needing to eat, excrete, or sleep, I experienced the fact that I apparently needed faith. I don’t know about my lifespan, but since I’m a divine, I’m probably immortal. My mana and skills and stuff all went up across the board.
Also, although I didn’t need to eat or sleep, it didn’t mean that I couldn’t, so I hadn’t changed my lifestyle rhythm. I want to continue living life like a person to maintain my mental stability, after all. By no means is it because I won’t get fat no matter how much I eat or sleep.
I was scared about what would happen if I used my power as an Administrator, so I hadn’t tried it yet.

“Also, I can change my clothes now.”

“Hah?”

Even with curses on the tantou or robe, since I had become a divine myself, I had overcome them. But it wasn’t like the curses themselves had been dispelled, so I guess it would be more correct to say that even cursed, I alone could equip or remove them.
When I told her this, Leonora replied…

“Sorry to say this while you’re happy about it, but you’ve already become recognised as wearing those clothes. If you change too often, it’ll cause trouble.”

“Why?”

“Well, even if you ask why, if God kept changing their clothing, it’d be unnatural, right?”

…Certainly, I’ve never heard of a god who changes their clothing all the time.
Even when it comes to statues or whatever, it’s normal that they wear the same outfit.
Even though I’d finally been able to change… It seems that I’ll forever have nothing to do with fashion.
Is this also the curse of the Evil God?


<Previous Chapter | Imouto | Next Chapter>

The Bathroom Goddess – Chapter 5

Izumi had a headache.

Left in the changing room, the alarm clock with the broken bell indicated that the time was 1 in the afternoon.

Izumi sluggishly removed her clothes, before opening the door to the bathroom.

After inhaling the white steam, like a receding wave, for a moment the pain seemed to recede, but then it immediately returned.

Izumi was in the middle of a hangover.

She had overcome the peak when it felt like her head was going to split, but the dull pain still remained. It was like a massive temple bell was being struck inside her head.

She twisted the tap and turned on a hot shower.

Usually the hot droplets would feel gentle, but today they felt like a shower of pebbles.

Frowning and reaching out to her facial cleanser, Izumi spotted something that shone silver, and withdrew her hand in a panic.

That was dangerous.

A mist seemed to clear from her hazy head. Now that her head was thinking properly, the headache became sharper too, but quite a lot of the fault might have been because of that silver object.

Izumi looked at the silver thing――――the sword with the sharp blade, stuck in the bucket, and let out a huge sigh.

It was last night that they had appeared outside the bathroom; the woman on the verge of suicide, and the stern man who you could tell was thick-headed at a glance.

Without catching up to what was going on, she had just saved the two, and through some strange turn of events, they had ended up having a drinking party in the bathroom.

The man whose head seemed as thick as reinforced concrete, Sentoor, had broken into sobs after just one cup, and the woman who had already emptied three of them, Yunoha, had begun lecturing Sentoor.

Apparently, “It’s all well and fine to be loyal, but there are limits to everything in the world.” “Why do you think that I’m still single at this age?” “I’ve been waiting forever for a certain someone.” “Yes, it’s the person right in front of me, you know.” “But when it comes to you, all you talk about is swords and my brother.”

Before anyone knew it, the lecture had turned into a confession, and Izumi watched this scene that unfolded thanks to the alcohol.

With Sentoor being told this much, and still having no signs of realising Yunoha’s feelings, even Izumi was beginning to feel irritated, when a cheer came from beyond the window.

“Setsugen-sama has returned!”

The moment that they heard that voice, Sentoor who had been on the verge of falling asleep immediately sprung up, and cried “Setsugen-sama~!” as he left through the window.

After cleaning up the cups, empty sake bottle, and the towels and cushions that had been sprawled across the floor, Yunoha bowed with her fingers on the floor. The whole time, she had been silent. That silent rage had given Izumi a cold sweat.

“Mystic-sama, the favour that you have shown us on this occasion, I will remember my whole life. We have been in your care.”

After giving a bow so deep that her forehead almost touched the floor, she waved the sleeves of her long clothes, and leapt through the window frame with surprising agility, leaving just like Sentoor had.

At first, Izumi had thought that Yunoha wanted to quickly check that her younger brother Setsugen was all right, but she immediately got the feeling that Yunoha had gone off to give the dullard Sentoor a good kick in the back.

Closing the window while listening to the distant cheers, Izumi only then noticed the thing that they had left behind.

It was the sword that was currently stuck through the bucket on the floor.

“What do I do.”

If she brought the sword through the door, it would probably disappear.

But the hole in the bucket wouldn’t.

The sword was sharp enough that it had stabbed through the bucket in one thrust. Would it really be alright for such a sword to vanish because she felt it was a nuisance?

Izumi looked at the window.

Would it link to Sentoor again? Or would it linked to somebody who needed the sword?

Crossing her arms in thought, outside the window became dyed in red like the setting sun.

A red light swayed before the wide-eyed Izumi. She had seen something like this before.

It was the red of a dancing blaze.

“A fire!?”

Forgetting the pain in her head, Izumi opened the window.

There was a set of western armour, dirtied with soot and ash.

“…Ahhh, so that’s what happened.”

Feeling tired, she placed a hand to the window frame.

The place with the western armour was a dim place covered in earthen walls. Apparently this was the inside of a cave.

“I do not know what it is you are assenting to on your own, but would you not happen to have a weapon of some sort, O Angel?”

“Huh?”

Izumi raised her face and looked at the armour.

“As you can see, my spear is being used as a fence, and won’t be of any use.”

Izumi bent forward through the window, and looked in the direction that the armour had indicated.

Not even a few steps away from the armour was a crack in the cave through which bright line was shining in from. And as though blocking off this entrance, a spear was stabbed into the ground. No, it wasn’t just a spear; even arrows and a bow had been used to form a barrier. Beyond the barricade in the light, was some kind of creature that dragged its heavy-looking body along the ground as it slowly walked. Seeing this caused Izumi to widen her eyes.

“What the heck is that…?”

“A trangorn; a type of dragon.”

Izumi stared straight at the grey creature that crawled along the ground. After getting the feeling that she had seen something similar before, Izumi realised that it was just like a Komodo monitor.

“More than a dragon, it’s more like a monitor lizard, isn’t it.”

“Can a lizard breathe fire?”

Izumi was shocked. So the flames she had seen through the glass were blown by that lizard?

“Wow, that thing can breathe fire? …Seems like you’d get forest fires all the time.”

There was nothing in the cave but mud, but she could see trees growing thickly behind the trangorn.

“Only the males breathe fire, and they can only do it once in their lifetime when their life is being threatened. Forest fires will not happen so casually.”

So that’s how it was.

The trangorn that was prowling slowly around the cave entrance suddenly turned its back to them. Izumi was wondering what it planned to do, but the answer immediately came.

The trangorn whipped its long tail against the weapons that served as a barricade.

It made a worrying sound.

“It seems that it will not hold for long.”

The armour was probably right.

With just the one strike, the bow had cracked, and a number of arrows had broken.

“At this point, anything will do. If you have anything that seems like I could use to oppose the trangorn, could you not lend it to me?”

Hearing the armour’s tense words, Izumi looked about the bathroom in a panic.

What came into her sight was Sentoor’s sword. It was stuck through a bucket, but it could probably be used.

“If you’re fine with the Keropii Sword, then…”

Seeing the sword that was being timidly offered, “What a creative design.” commented the armour.

When the armoured hand reached for the sword, the armour clicked his tongue.

“The spear has broken.”

The armour that had been sitting on the ground stood up, and holding the sword in a grip, he charged out.

A high-pitched sound resounded. The armour had used the Keropii Sword to deflect the sharp claws of the trangorn.

The armour flashed the sword in his hand, and raised it overhead, before bringing it down upon the trangorn’s neck with fluid movements.

-zakku-

A nimble sound, like a fork entering a cake.

The trangorn had thrown its head back due to the slash it had received on its back, and the sword thrust into its neck. After throwing up blood just once, the monitor-like dragon stopped moving.

When the armour gave the withdrawn sword a swing, it made the sound of cutting through wind.

Just a single swing had cleaned the blade of its blood, and the Keropii Sword returned to its original gleam.

With the sword in hand, the armour returned.

“What terrifying sharpness. Because of that, I narrowly escaped death.”

The armour sat heavily onto the cave floor.

“Angel. I apologise, but may I borrow this sword for a while longer?”

“If you’re fine with it, I’ll give it to you.”

Although the blood had been flung off, Izumi still didn’t want to touch the sword.

The armour raised his face. The blue eyes widened in joy.

“To be bestowed a sword by an angel. What fortune.”

Seeing the armour tremble in joy, Izumi knit her eyebrows before speaking.

“Umm, if you still need the sword, does it mean there are more trangorns?”

The armour crossed his arms.

“Indeed. There is one more. They hold territory in pairs after all. The female will probably come due to the scent of the male’s blood.”

Izumi ran her eyes over the soot-covered armour.

“But only the male breathes fire, right?”

As if she could stand fire outside her window again.

The armour nodded.

“But the truly troublesome one is the female.”

“Why?”

“The cries of the female entice humans into sleep. In accordance to the books say, I brought an orchestra so that we won’t heart the cries.”

Izumi looked here and there.

“There’s no one here you know?”

The armour let out a deep sigh.

“On the way here, there was a suspension bridge you see.”

Izumi brought her palm to her forehead. Without hearing anything else, she knew why the orchestra wasn’t here.

“The bridge couldn’t withstand the weight of the instruments, and fell.”

Just as she thought. A silence filled the dark cave.

“…So what are you going to do now? Wouldn’t it be better to escape before the female comes?”

The armour shook his head at Izumi’s suggestion.

“I was ordered by the King to bring back the heart of a female trangorn. Even if I lose my life, I cannot run.”

She thought that everything else only mattered because you were alive, but that was her opinion as somebody who lived in Japan.

The armour probably had his own armour-ey circumstances.

“Hey, wait there a moment.”

Izumi stood up.

She quickly dried her body and left the bathroom, before looking through the bag that she had left in the living room.

With goal in hand, she wrapped a bath towel around herself before returning to the bathroom.

She presented the thing in hand to the armour that had been gazing at the Keropii Sword.

“This is?”

“A portable music player. Put this and this into your ears.”

Although he made a puzzled expression, he obediently removed his helmet.

Silky golden hair spilled out.

He looked different to both the people of Yohk’Zai and Triht.

The white-skinned Armour with his unshaven face did as he was told, and put the earphones into his ears before looking at Izumi.

“Earplugs? But I can still hear with these.”

“No. I’ll be putting the volume up to max, so although it’ll be noisy, bear with it, okay?”

After Izumi messed with the device in her hands, Armour literally jumped up.

“What is this!?”

Seeing the earphones fall out of Armour’s ears from his shock, Izumi sighed ‘my, my’.

“Didn’t I tell you to bear with it?”

“No, but, what is this!?”

Seeing Armour stare at the music player in apparent fear, Izumi wondered about how to reply.

To begin with, Izumi didn’t know the details about how it worked either.

“It’s a tool of Heaven. The singing voices of God and angels are packed into it.”

Izumi decided to make use of Armour’s misunderstanding that she was an angel.

“If you listen to it for a long time, your ears will go bad, but it’s better than being put to sleep by the trangorn, right? This part is the main body, so keep it tucked in by your chest.”

After looking repeatedly back and forth between Izumi and the player, Armour timidly took the earphones into his hands.

“With this, I will certainly not hear the cries of the trangorn.”

Looking at the earphones with a frown, Armour seemed to close his eyes in determination, before putting them into his ears.

“Angel. I shall return shortly.”

Izumi waved her hand at Armour who had run out of the cave.

Just how long did his ‘shortly’ mean?

Izumi waited pointlessly in the bath for almost an hour.

The headache that she had forgotten while speaking to Armour had returned.

She wanted to leave the bath and rest already. But she wanted to get the music player back. Recently she had been buying replacements for too many things.

Picking up a book that she had been in the middle of reading from the changing room, she returned to the bath. After thirty minutes of looking at the book without reading absorbing anything, she heard the sound of scraping armour from beyond the window.

“I am late.”

With the colour of blood mixed into the soot and mud, in the recently returned Armour’s hand was the Keropii Sword, and a bright red sack.

Seeing a liquid drip from the sack, “Hiii!” cried Izumi pathetically.

“W-, What is that!?”

She screamed, and then held her head. Her own loud voice had aggravated the pain in her head.

“Angel!? Are you all right? Are you unwell somewhere?”

Armour peered in on Izumi’s face as he knelt before the window.

“I’m just a little hung over.”

Hahahahaha! rang a cheerful laugh.

“So angels get hung over as well.”

Perhaps released from the burden due to completing his mission, Armour was in good spirits.

“Angel. Please bring that here.”

Armour pointed to the cup that came with a tooth brushing set.

“This?”

What does he need it for? Handing the cup over while tilting her head, of all things, Armour held the cup under the dripping sack.

-drip drip-

Each time the liquid dripped, the inside of the cup was dyed with red.

As Izumi’s cheek cramped, Armour held the cup out in front of her nose.

“Blood from the heart of the female. It is said to cure all ails.”

Said to be…? An oral tradition?

“No, I’ll be fine after I sleep. I don’t really need to drink it.”

When Izumi pushed the cup back, Armour began to insist ever more strongly.

“I suppose you doubt its efficacy. I was the same. I gave it a try on the way back. The burns from before healed, you know.”

Armour held out his chest proudly, before bringing his eyebrows together and smiling.

“Because of you, Angel, I was able to defeat the trangorn. No matter how small it may be, I wish to return the favour.”

Seeing his sad smile and having all that said to her, Izumi couldn’t refuse.

She took the cup and brought it near her face. With just a sniff, she felt like she was going to puke, but she held her breath and drank.

Just one sip.

That was her limit.

With watery eyes, she left the cup on the rim of the bathtub, and rinsed her mouth out with the shower.

After gargling countless times, Izumi noticed; the pain in her head had disappeared. Not just that, her body felt strangely light.

“It’s healed.”

When she turned back to the window, Armour broke into a grin.

“Of course. …Speaking of which, Angel, could you spare me just a little water? I want to return your “Portable Music Player” but my hands are dirty.”

Izumi splashed the hot water in the bucket over Armour’s arms. After doing it a second, and then a third time, the blood finally came off, and Armour reached into his breast and brought out the player.

“You have truly helped me. With this, I am a hero.”

Armour muttered this sadly, after dropping the white device into Izumi’s palm.

It was a voice much too unsuited to a person who had carried out his mission, and had a bright future as a hero awaiting him.

“Aren’t you happy?”

“I am happy. …Only, if the wife that I left in my hometown congratulated me as well, just how much happier would I be, I wonder.”

What a strange man. Izumi frowned.

“Can’t you just get congratulated after you return there?”

“I can no longer return.”

“Why?”

“When I return with the lifeblood of the trangorn, I am to become the chief of the capital’s knights.”

Izumi looked at Armour coldly.

“In other words, you chose status over your wife? It’s your life, so I’m not going to reproach you or anything, but isn’t it too shameless for you to lament then?”

At this point, Izumi tilted her head in wonder.

“Or rather, can’t you just call your wife to the capital?”

A beloved wife, and an honourable position. Wouldn’t he have everything?

Armour dropped his shoulders and sighed. His large body seemed shockingly little.

“It won’t work. My wife became fed up with me, and I was driven from home.”

“Eh? Why?”

Izumi thought that he had become fixated on honour and abandoned his wife, but apparently that wasn’t the case.

“I was originally the leader of a poor knight brigade in my hometown in the countryside. I may be saying this myself, but I was known as the most skilled person in the frontiers, and my knights idolised me. I took a girl that was my childhood friend as my wife, and we lived a meagre but happy life. At that point, a message came from the capital. I was told to become the captain of a trangorn subjugation squad.”

“Mn mn.” hummed Izumi to prompt his next words, as she quietly lent him and ear.

“I refused. My wife does not have a strong body. I did not want to leave her behind and go on a dangerous trangorn subjugation mission. Although my heart was shaken by the position of Knight Captain in the capital, it was nothing compared to the modest life with my wife. The messengers pretend to give up, and held me a feast. They said things about celebrating my normal work, and skilful excuses like that, you see. And I completely bought into it.”

Armour covered his face with armoured hand, before hanging his head.

“Before I knew it, I was sleeping in a brothel. …Completely nude.”

Uwahh.

“My wife wouldn’t forgive me. I was driven out with only the clothes on my back, and arrived where I am right now.”

“We hadn’t even been married for three months. Even though we were newlyweds…” muttered Armour dejectedly. He didn’t look anything like a warrior skilled enough to lead a knight brigade, but that was probably how much he loved his wife. It sounded like an idiot story from an outsider’s point of view, but it was probably nothing but a tragedy for the person himself.

“I found out later, but apparently I was a distant relative of the King. Because of that, they were fixated on me. Apparently it would be convenient for them if a relative of the King returned with a trangorn heart as a hero.”

Armour’s gloomy sigh resounded through the cave.

Izumi hesitantly opened her mouth.

“If I, just an ‘if’, okay? But, if I happen to meet your wife, I’ll try speaking to her. It was the King’s messenger, so you couldn’t help it, right? And as for the brothel, that couldn’t be helped, or rather, you fell into a trap. Well, I don’t know who this window will link to, so don’t hope for too much though.”

Armour feebly raised his head.

“No, I was in the wrong for lowering my guard… Thank you, O Angel.”

Standing up with the sword, and the sack that apparently had a heart in it, Armour forced a smile.

“I feel better now that I’ve told my story. From now on, I shall climb the ranks as far as I can climb.”

“I have been in your care.” said Armour, before turning and leaving, but his retreating back seemed brimmed with grief.


<Previous Chapter | Imouto | Next Chapter>

Why is Yuuki Aoi so wonderful?

Ikemen(cool/hot guy) voice:


Aoi: Eh-? Like an ikemen!?
Saori: Like an ikemen?
Isn’t that a bit hard?
Aoi: Like an ikemen? What’s that mean?
Saori: Yeah, like… isn’t that about appearances?
Aoi: Yeah, isn’t it?
Saori: An ikemen on the inside?
Aoi: Like, an ikemen voice?
Saori: That sounds hard.
Aoi: Doesn’t it?
Saori: Well… Give it a try?
Aoi: Alright~ Here I go!
Saori: We picked another minor role, huh.
Aoi: Yeah, we did. There’s this gender barrier, hey?
Alright, well then, I’ll give it a shot…

(2:59) Aoi: Oi-chan, Misao-chan, good evening.
Saori: Good evening.
Aoi: Good evening. Heh.
We’re halfway through September now, and it’s really starting to feel like autumn.
Saori: Aha! Pretty cool.
Aoi: And when you mention autumn, just like you two, I think that it really is the season of food, but…
(3:18) In autumn when you skin feels a little chilly,
I think that what you really can’t help but want to eat is,
oden I believe!
Saori: lololol
For some reason your “oden” sounded really smooth. lolol
Aoi: Oden I believe!
Saori: She said it twice!

(3:27)(intermission)

Aoi: What do you two think is something that absolutely needs to be eaten as your oden?
Saori: You sound kind of cool!
Aoi: For me, it definitely needs to be egg and radish.
Saori: The way you said ‘egg and radish’ sounded needlessly cool, huh!
Aoi: Egg and radish!
(laughter)
Aoi: What the heck kind of character is this!

Suppose I’d better get back to translating.

Monster; regarding the translation of this word in most Japanese web novels

“…breath of the legendary suu’rin, an being that lived underground…”
“…breath of the suu’rin, an underground monster…”
The latter is the literal, the former is what I went with. To sum up the problem, basically in Japanese you have a lot of words that are only suitable as being expressed by the English word “monster”.
This time the word used is
怪物 (kaibutsu) in other words, a strange or mystical creature. It’s not the same ‘monster’ as the one used in RPGs 魔物 (mamono). Neither is it the same ‘monster’ used in “B-, Bakana! Kono bakemono!” which would be 化け物(bakemono).

I think I should make a new post to complain about this.


This was something I wrote at the end of the 4th chapter of The Bathroom Goddess.

Basically, the problem with a lot of web novel translations is that in web novels, things tend to be based around RPGs. Meaning you have stuff like 魔族(mazoku; demon) and 魔物(mamono; monster). Literally translating them, it’s “demon/magic tribe/race”, and “demon/magic creature” respectively.

The whole, ‘is this 魔 meant to represent magic or demon here, or is it both?’ thing is a whole other issue for the mazoku thing which I won’t get into.

What I will get into is the problem with translating 魔物 as monster. By no means would I translate it as anything else, because to the Japanese WN reader, they’re going to immediately associate this term with the monsters in RPGs.

That’s why we can’t translate it as ‘fiend’ or ‘demon’ or anything like that. I know some people DO translate it as ‘demon’ like the Slime Datta Ken translators, but I believe that you guys are doing it wrong… unless the JRPG localisation in your country happens to use ‘demon’ for everything.

When you translate, as much as possible, you’re trying to convey the impression and nuance that a reader of the original text would get.
If the character is exclaiming something in Engrish and trying to be funny, you might translate it as Japanese like SUGOI or NANI!?.
If the character is speaking Engrish all the time, and just throwing it into his words because that’s just how he speaks, perhaps an American might translate it as Spanish, since that’s the most popular second language there.
If the character is speaking Engrish and trying to sound fancy, it might be appropriate to translate it into French there, because that’s what we English-speakers do when we try and sound cultured.

And for RPG-esque fantasy web novels, the thing that hits Japanese readers when they see 魔物 is basically the monsters in RPGs. That’s why we can’t translate ‘mamono’ as anything but monster.

But there’s another common term translated as monster; 化け物(bakemono).

This one is the ‘monster’ that you use for something terrifying or incomprehensible. It’s the one that people scream after going ‘B-, BAKA NA!’ at the terribly powerful protagonist. The monstrously powerful protagonist.

So sometimes you might get somebody exclaiming ‘YOU GODDAM MONSTER!’ in a web novel, but I’d like to have people keep in mind that in instances like these, there’s a completely distinct separation between the RPG monsters that prowl the fields, and the ‘true monsters’ that scare the shit out of the baddies and make them scream ‘B- BAKA NA!’.

So yeah~ Sorry if this was a bit long. Even if both are translated as monsters, please note that in the original text, they aren’t just comparing the person/thing to the common RPG monsters; they’re basically calling them true horrors.

The Bathroom Goddess – Chapter 4

The manor was in an uproar.

Footsteps rough enough that it seemed the floorboards would break, the cacophony of tableware being smashed, the commotion of the confused residents.

Each time he heard the rough voice mixed in with the noise, he felt the fingers in his hands tremble.

Sentoor was anxious.

Who could have imagined that at such a critical time, Yukama, his lord’s uncle, would suddenly take such a forceful measure.

“Princess! Please make haste.”

Sentoor turned around. His lord’s elder sister, Princess Yunoha, was looking back at him with a pale face. The lustrous hair famed for resembling the finest thread from a ka’ikoh, was now dishevelled across the cheeks of her oval face.

The fingers in his hand were slender enough that he thought they might break with just a squeeze. They were freezing so he thought that the tension and anxiety might have affected her circulation, so Sentoor carefully wrapped his boorish hands around hers again.

He had to allow the princess to escape.

Yukama was targeting the one famed as the number one beauty in the nation, Princess Yunoha, as well as the position of king.

The previous king had passed away last year, and his son Setsugen inherited his position as king of Triht. Setsugen was a youth of little more than twenty, but he was plenty qualified to be king. In these last two years, he had always stood at the front and endeavoured to protect his clan and nation.

Yukama did not think fondly of this.

With things contrary to his expectations, he abused his authority as Setsugen’s guardian, and aimed for Setsugen’s sister, Princess Yunoha. His plan was to marry the princess and steal the seat of king from Setsugen.

Yukama’s dirty scheme had been stopped by Setsugen and his talented subordinates. Though they had a lot of trouble in definitively stopping Yukama, even so, they protected the Princess.

However, this year Triht suffered a harsh cold, of a kind unseen in recent years.

With the ground frozen from the breath of the legendary suu’rin, an being that lived underground, farmers found it difficult to even plough the fields, to say nothing of growing crops. On top of that, the storehouse for emergency food was struck by lightning, and half of it was turned to ashes.

At this rate, a great many people would starve to death come next winter.

On the verge of ruin, argument after argument, one day a completely unexpected bit of news reached their ears.

Yohk’Zai, the nation that governed the Zaharya beyond Mt. Pirenia, had fallen into a struggle for the throne, and was on the brink of civil war.

To Triht, it was like a gift from heaven.

Taking advantage of the domestic chaos, they would ally with the Kak’Kenah tribe who lived south of Mt. Pirenia, and together they would take a part of the Zaharya. That was the aim of Setsugen and his retainers.

Yohk’Zai was a nation with shallow history.

By no means had loyalty reached every corner of the nation, every corner of their hearts. The plan would surely go well. So believed Setsugen, as he began his journey with just a few companions.

Following contact after contact, they had only recently received a positive response.

Even though Triht would be saved with just a little bit to go, thanks to Yukama’s shallow ambitions, it might all come to nothing.

Sentoor’s ears caught the sound of footsteps from enemy intruders, as he rushed towards the back entrance. They were coming this way, from a corner of the manor. Two of them, no, it seemed there were three. Sentoor clicked his tongue. It was conduct unbecoming of a warrior, but right now there was nobody to admonish him.

“This way!”

Opening a nearby door, he slipped in, and quietly closed the door.

They had escaped into a room for entertaining guests. Inside the room was a simple wooden table, and on each side were straw mat seats made from sen stalks. Although the door was closed, because there was no fire here, it was freezing.

Sentoor quickly scanned the room, but there was nowhere to hide. On the other side of the wooden sliding door was the courtyard, but it was likely that Yukama’s subordinates were there.

Is this as far as we go?

Sentoor was ready to die at any time. But, how about Princess Yunoha? Thinking that it was necessary that she protect her honour if it came to it, he turned around, and met his eyes with the princess who had drawn a dagger from within her sash.

Her trembling hand gripped the hilt, and she looked at Sentoor. Sentoor saw unwavering determination in her ultramarine eyes, like the sky just before dawn, and he unconsciously knelt to the floor as a retainer.

As he thought, he could only serve these siblings.

The clamour from the hallway was getting noisier.

Come whenever you wish!

Sentoor stood up, and stood in front of Yunoha as though to protect her.

Drawing his sword and standing in a vigilant guard, a rectangular frame suddenly appeared before him.

Fine carvings were cut into the frame, and inside the frame was a translucent board.

Sentoor shuddered. If even a mystic had joined hands with Yukama, then…

With a clatter, the translucent board slid to the side. Sentoor thrust the sword in his hand towards the frame. The moment that he felt a response from his sword,

“GYOEHH-”

a sound like the dying cry of a goeru squashed flat under the wheels of a flatcar, echoed throughout the room.

Shouldn’t they be hibernating under the earth in this season? wondered Sentoor as he tilted his head, before becoming dumbfounded at the scene before him.

A naked woman was standing there with what seemed to be a seamless white bucket, thrust out before her chest.

Sentoor’s sword had struck right through the middle of that white object.

―――――――Skilled.

A cold sweat ran down his back.

To block a fully committed thrust from a swordsman like him meant that this woman was no ordinary enemy. Was this an assassin hired by the mystic, or was the mystic an expert themself?

“I ask for your name.”

His blood as a swordsman was heating up.

“Eh? Izumi.”

The woman named herself, looking somewhat dumbfounded. To think that she had even trained herself in acting to incite carelessness. Even the fact that she was naked was undoubtedly a tactic to distract the enemy. Sentoor was speechless. She lacked nothing as an opponent.

“My name is Sentoor. I challenge you.”

After releasing his grip from the sword that was completely trapped in the white shield, he reached his hand to the other sword by his waist.

“HAHH!? Hang on a moment! What the heck are you saying after stabbing a sword through my keropii bucket? No, seriously, if you’re done then I’m closing the window!”

Though in a state of confusion, the woman still shouted angry words at Sentoor.

“Turning tail after meeting resistance during an assassination? Laughable!”

Sentoor set up a sword guard.

“Hey-! Do you have brain problems?”

Sentoor was crestfallen. He had thought that for his last moments, he had met a worthy opponent, but he was apparently wrong. The moment that he thought to cut down this unsightly assassin in the middle of her excuses, the woman turned her eyes to the person behind him.

“Hey, you there! Can’t you do something about this uncle? He isn’t listening. I’m not an assassin! Just as I was about to take a bath, I thought that since the water was hot I would just open the window to cool down a little. To begin with, just what kind of world would you find a naked and unarmed assassin! Or could it be that the assassins in your world are exhibitionists? Are they all exhibitionists!”

After talking on and on without even taking a moment to breathe, she sent an imploring gaze at Princess Yunoha.
Sentoor began to find something strange about this woman in her vigour.

“Sentoor, lower your sword. This person seems to be unrelated to Uncle Yukama.”

Princess Yunoha supported this feeling of his in a quiet voice.

“You’re not an assassin hired by Yukama?”

The woman nodded as though it were natural.

“I’ve never even heard the name Yukama before.”

Sentoor gazed at the woman head-on. Her dark eyes felt somehow bottomless and even seemed terrifying, but she didn’t seem to be lying.

“And so, I’m unrelated, so mind if I close the window?”

The woman put her hand against the translucent board. From her movements, you could see impatience and anxiety.

So she really was a suspicious person…? suspected Sentoor once again, but the moment that he was about to turn his eyes towards her, Yukama’s angry shout came from the hallway.

“Yunoha! Where are you? Won’t you hurry up and come out? You’re going to be mine.”

Yunoha’s thin shoulders trembled with a start.

“Yunoha!” “Yunoha!”

As the shouts for the Princess came one after another, the woman frowned and looked at the Princess.

“Yunoha… Is that you?”

“Yes.”

Princess Yunoha brandished the dagger that she had been gripping at her chest.
Although paled, her face was not at all pathetic.

“This is as far as we go. Sentoor, please be my second.”

Sentoor shut his eyes and nodded. While slowly raising his eyelids, he poured strength into his sword arm.

Princess Yunoha looked at Sentoor, and raised the corners of her mouth just a little. It was a shockingly beautiful smile. She would be able to die without burdening her lord… her younger brother. The smile might have been filled with that kind of satisfaction.

Kneeling on the spot, Princess Yunoha pointed the blade at herself.

“May Triht be blessed with joy.” she muttered, before hanging her head. After making sure the swing of the blade would meet her exposed white nape, Sentoor raised his sword up high.

“Ha-? Eh-? W-, Wait a moment!”

A panicked voice distracted Sentoor.

The woman threw the white shield in her hand behind herself, before placing her hands on the frame and leaning forward.

“Is something troubling you!?”

It sounded like the cry of somebody in desperation.

“You’re troubled, right!? Ummm, ummmm, please leave it to me. I’ll save you!”

The woman placed her hand against her chin and seemed to think.

“The hoarse voice outside is Yukama? And, you’re being chased by Yukama. Am I right?”

Each still holding their own blades, Sentoor and Yunoha nodded together.

“I’ll hide you, so come here. Climb over this frame, come on.”

The woman beckoned.

“What are you doing? Hurry!”

The sound of Yukama’s footsteps were getting closer. His hesitation only lasted a moment. He recalled an old saying; you can’t catch a tura cub without entering a tura den.

Sentoor picked up Yunoha, and finding his determination, passed through the rectangular frame.

The moment that he stepped down, his foot was wet with hot water.

Speaking of which, she did mention that she was going to take a bath…

The wet clothing clung to his legs and it felt like he was going to fall, but just as he was about to he corrected his posture and shifted the way he was carrying her so that she wouldn’t get wet.

“If we close it completely, you might not be able to go back, so I’m just going to leave a little open, okay? I’m going to go find something to use as a weapon.”

“Wait, Mystic-dono. What of us!?”

“Just stay in the bath or something! Listen, you absolutely can’t leave, okay? In particular, y-, you definitely can’t pass through this door.”

Leaving those words behind, the woman hurriedly ran away.

Being left behind, there was nothing for Sentoor and Yunoha in his arms to do, except look at each other dumbfounded.

The woman returned before long. Her body was wrapped in a white cloth that covered everything from her chest to buttocks. She was grasping a cylinder with an illustration of a terrifying winged monster.

“What’s that?”

“It’s insecticide. For killing wasps.”

Without even minding that her cloth would get wet, the woman entered the bucket with the hot water, and stood next to Sentoor.

She peeked through the gap in the translucent board.

The sounds of the door being violently hit could be heard.

“Yunoha! …What’s this?”

It was Yukama’s voice. His angry bellows had turned into a voice of confusion.

“Yunoha? Are you in there?”

“She’s not! Piss off already, baldy!”

In reply to Yukama’s probing voice, the woman yelled back vigorously in reply.
But, wasn’t that the same as admitting that she was here…?

“What are you doing, Yunoha. To be sitting there with a suspicious mystic like this.”

Being blind to his own shortcomings, he sure could talk. Sentoor gently lowered the Princess―――to the floor of mysterious white substance―――before reaching his hand to the sword at his waist, and being stopped by the woman.

“Leave it to me.”

What did she intend to do? ―――――They met each other’s gaze, but the woman just nodded, and had no intention of speaking. But she had declared herself that they should leave it to her, so she probably had some sort of plan. Sentoor abided her will, and stayed to the side.

Leaving violent and loud footsteps and not even trying to hide his irritation, Yukama entered the room. Behind him were a number of his underlings.

The faces of the men visible through the crack by the board were familiar. There were a bunch who only cared about money and knew nothing about loyalty, but their skill was the real thing.

Sentoor began to feel anxious.

However, even when they walked past the round table, the woman showed no signs of movement.

One step, and then another step. They shortened the distance. Yet, the woman didn’t move.

―――――This is the limit.

Sentoor gripped the hilt of his sword.

Yukama was right beyond the frame.

And at that moment, the woman threw open the translucent board, thrust both arms forward, and held up the cylinder.

“Eat this! Bee EasyⒸ Spray Double!”

Together with the chant of a curse, a mist spouted vigorously from the cylinder.

Yukama covered his eyes with both hands.

“W-, What is this… I-, I can’t see.”

Looking at the suffering Yukama, the woman declared loudly.

“I’ve cursed you. If you don’t wash our your eyes for three days and three nights with water thawed from perpetual snow, your eyes are going to become useless. If you wash it a little, you might be able to see again for a while, but unless you continue for three days and nights, the pain will return before long.”

How terrifying.

Sentoor felt fear towards the woman, and reflexively covered his own eyes with his palm. It seemed that Yukama’s followers were afraid of the curse as well, and not a single person moved.

Finally, Yukama collapsed onto the floor.

“Don’t you think it would be better for you to go home?”

The woman said this as she looked down upon Yukama.

Curled up on the floor, from between the gaps in his fingers, Yukama’s now bright red eyes turned towards her. Those eyes, filled even now with ambition, rolled here and there, before fixing on Princess Yunoha behind Sentoor.

“Yunoha. Listen well. Your brother has gone cold a long time ago. I paid the younger brother of the Kak’Kenah Clan Chief in Zaharya to poison his wine at the feast. His body should be arriving any day now.”

Sentoor was assaulted by a rage like the blood currents in his body had gone backwards. The irrepressible feelings rose up from his gut, and stirred his body into action.

“YOUUU-”

Drawing his sword, he stepped onto the frame. The frozen henchmen of Yukama came back to their senses, and rushed over to their lord’s side. Outnumbered. It might not be possible for him to take Yukama’s life. But at the very least, he wouldn’t be able to calm down unless he attacked. Going along with his rage, the moment he was about to step forward out of the frame, a naked arm wrapped around his waist.

“Calm down. What you need to do now is protect Yunoha, right?” came a quiet whisper into his ear.

“You’re so noisy! Hurry up and leave. Or are you fine with being blind?”

With her arm still wrapped around Sentoor, the woman called out to Yukama.

Yukama groaned in frustration.

“Listen well, Yunoha. This country is already mine!”

“Such a stubborn geezer. Shall I go with an even stronger one this time? Far from just your eyes, this time I’ll make your skin rot off.”

The woman held up the can in one hand, and Yukama let out a pathetic cry. Grabbing onto his subordinates to try and escape even a second faster, he stumbled out of the room.

“Prepare thawed snow!” “Call a mystic!” “I don’t care! Smoke them out! Surround this room until you can!” came Yukama’s voice, each time further away than the last.

The woman let go of Sentoor’s waist, and sank down into the bath.

“Thank god it ended well.”

“It didn’t.”

Replying to the mutter of relief, Sentoor frowned and hung his head.

“Setsugen-sama… Setsugen-sama… Shitt…”

Unable to bear it, he struck out at the wall. The pain in his fist emphasised the fact that this wasn’t a dream.

“Setsugen… It can’t be… Setsugen…”

Princess Yunoha’s faint crying voice filled the strange rectangular space.

“Ummm, I think he’s okay though.”

“Huh?”

Sitting in the hot water with her arms wrapped around her knees, the woman looked up at Sentoor.

“That Setsugen person, I think he’s okay.”

“Why do you think that…?”

He squeezed the hoarse voice out of his throat.

“Because I met him. See this? I got it from that Setsugen person.”

Having a look at what the woman was pointing at, he realised that green leaves were stuck in a thin tube.

“This is, frostsnow grass?”

“Right right, I got it in a trade. That Setsugen person was inside a hut, and after talking to him for a little, he said that he didn’t need to go to Zaharya any more and that he was going home. Or something like that. And at the time, I got this frostsnow grass from him. That Kak’Kenah Clan or whatever is in Zaharya, right?”

“Isn’t it possible that Setsugen didn’t go to Zaharya?” concluded the woman, before flicking the frostsnow grass with her finger, and making it ring out in a clear and refreshing sound.

“A hut with frostsnow grass… Could it be the mountain hut at the summit of Mt. Pirenia!? When was this? When did this happen?”

Without caring about the water, he knelt by the woman’s side. Grasping the hand that was poking at the frostsnow grass and asking his question, the woman shifted uncomfortably.

“A week… Seven days ago, but?”

If they used the mountain hut seven days ago as a basis, then it was about time that he arrived in the capital.
Sentoor’s eyes grew hot. Even though he hadn’t cried even when his parents had died, it couldn’t be…
Sentoor placed his hands on the surface beneath the water.

“Mystic-dono! Thank you. Thank you.”

He bowed his head down, and his entire body submerged in the hot water. It was choking, but right now he was thankful for the water. Sentoor shed his tears in the water without anyone knowing.

“Mystic-sama, I would like to thank you as well… You’ve saved not just myself, but the whole of the Triht nation. No matter how much I thank you, it wouldn’t be enough.”

Although soaked, when Sentoor raised his head, Princess Yunoha was outside of the water, performing a bow with her fingertips on the ground.

“No, um, well, that’s great… I guess. Will things be fine once Setsugen returns? That baldy is going to come again, you know?”

“No, almost all the hearts of the people of Triht belong to Setsugen. Perhaps uncle will run around and cause trouble by proclaiming that my brother is dead. But once Setsugen returns, there should be nobody who will follow Yukama.”

“Then that’s fine then.” relaxed the woman.

“Um, what should we do until Setsugen-sama returns?”

Sentoor looked about the rectangular box that he was in. They had already been in the woman’s care too much, and he wanted to return the favour even if only a little. Enough that he would be fine with chopping the wood, cleaning the toilet, or anything like that.

“Let’s see, then for now,”

The woman stretched a hand into a box that was left in the corner, and after groping about for something, she turned back around. Her hand was grasping a transparent cylinder. The inside was filled with liquid, and a single frostsnow leaf was floating inside.

The woman let out a smile.

“Shall we drink!”


TL:
“…breath of the legendary suu’rin, an being that lived underground…”
“…breath of the suu’rin, an underground monster…”
The latter is the literal, the former is what I went with. To sum up the problem, basically in Japanese you have a lot of words that are only suitable as being expressed by the English word “monster”.
This time the word used is
怪物 (kaibutsu) in other words, a strange or mystical creature. It’s not the same ‘monster’ as the one used in RPGs 魔物 (mamono). Neither is it the same ‘monster’ used in “B-, Bakana! Kono bakemono!” which would be 化け物(bakemono).

I think I should make a new post to complain about this.


<Previous Chapter | Imouto | Next Chapter>

Conversations with Alyschu

[1:30:46 AM] estelion: back
[1:30:49 AM] estelion: anything exciting happen?
[1:34:06 AM] 山ʕ·͡ᴥ·ʔ山: I read bathroom goddess
[1:34:09 AM] 山ʕ·͡ᴥ·ʔ山: strange!!
[1:34:15 AM] 山ʕ·͡ᴥ·ʔ山: she’s naked and nothing lewd’s going on!
[1:34:35 AM] 山ʕ·͡ᴥ·ʔ山: preposterous!!

The Bathroom Goddess – Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Izumi was exhilarated.

The stone that she had obtained through that strange incident was much handier than expected.

She filled a bath with water, and then tossed in the stone that she had received from the large-bellied Teo Keh. And when she did, after only a few dozen seconds, it had transformed into a bath of the perfect temperature. What’s more, it wouldn’t cool. No matter how much time passed, the water temperature was constant. This was as good as saying there was no gas bill, so to the bath-loving Izumi, it was incomparably valuable compared to those earrings that she couldn’t even take out of the bathroom.

I’ve sure made a killing.
It was natural that she thought as such.

Izumi was enjoying her bath as well today.

In her right hand was a bottle of ice-cold sake, and in her left hand was a sake cup. She had absolutely no plans tomorrow, so this was her reward to herself.
Izumi suddenly looked at the submerged stone by her feet. Since this was a fire stone that heated water, could it be that there was a stone that was used for chilling water instead? IF there was such a drink, then she could bring it into the bathroom and enjoy cold liquor at any time; living the dream.

While indulging in such convenient delusions, Izumi brought the cup to her lips.

“Kuahh~ So good!”

The cool sake flowed into her hot body, and healed her weary body and soul. It was true that Japanese often called alcohol the ‘best medicine’.

Exhaling in delight, her cooled oesophagus warmed up in the next instant like a small flame had been swallowed. It was that moment that it actually felt like reality that she was free all day tomorrow.

And during this moment of supreme bliss, a -gagari- sound completely ruined it.

A wind even cooler than the cup in her hand suddenly blew into the bathroom.

“…You’re kidding me.”

Izumi turned her head towards the window, and fell into silence.
A yeti was staring at Izumi in shock.

“What are you? A mystic?”

The yeti spoke fluent words.

“Uh, no. I should be asking you what you are. A yeti? Bigfoot? A sasquatch? Or perhaps a yukiotoko?”

“What are those supposed to be.”

The yeti groaned. Trying to raise a minimum defence, Izumi raised the sake bottle into her hand. While giving Izumi’s meagre resistance a glance, the yeti placed its hands to its head, before sliding off its fur.

Izumi was wide-eyed.
What she was sure had been its natural form had turned out to be a hat. Because of the fur that had covered everything but the eyes, nose and mouth, as well as the beard that had been the same colour as the fur, she was sure that it was a yeti or a similar looking creature, but once the visitor removed the hat, it had transformed into a proper human man.

“My name is Setsugen. What is yours, Mystic-dono?”

“Uh, no, like I said, I’m not a mystic though,” mumbled Izumi, as she looked at the man named Setsugen. His beard made him look old, but his voice and casual behaviour overflowed with youthfulness.

Setsugen looking about the bathroom in great interest. After observing the lightbulb with great interest, he returned his gaze to Izumi before frowning.

“So you in the middle of a purification ceremony…”

It seemed like it would take an incredible amount of effort to explain the circumstances to Setsugen. Izumi quickly gave up.

“I’m Izumi. And so, do you also… uh, have some sort of problem, perhaps? Like for example, being stranded, or perhaps in the middle of looking for someone?”

Lately, Izumi had been thinking about the mysterious incidents in her bathroom whenever she was free. The result that she arrived at after her pondering was that, perhaps she had been tasked with the role of rescuing that stranded man and then introducing him to Teo Keh.

Izumi was an atheist. She believed in neither God nor Buddha, but she did go to pray at a shinto shrine during New Years, and she listened to the chanting of the buddhist priests during funerals, and vaguely thought that one day she would get married in a church. Neither God nor Buddha existed, so religion was a matter of the person themselves. Even now she still believed this. But despite that, she felt that she had been tasked with a role; she herself felt that this was contradictory. Although she felt so, if those two safely met up, then her role would be finished too, and it would be farewell to this mysterious world, or so she thought. After all, the window was no longer connected to that mysterious world, or so she thought…

But this happened.

Setsugen inclined his head in confusion.

“Well, I’m not stranded, nor am I searching for anyone.”

Oh. I was wrong.
Izumi tilted her head as well. At that moment, Izumi noticed that white snow was fluttering in from behind Setsugen.

Looking more carefully, Setsugen was in a mountain hut that was ridiculously shabby for where it was. The wind blew noisily against the thin looking walls. Even thought it was cold enough that you would need to wear fur indoors, the thing in the middle of the room that seemed to be a sunken fireplace wasn’t on fire.

“Could it be, that you need firewood… or something?”

Setsugen once again inclined his head.

“No, I was actually preparing to leave.”

So that was wrong too. The man didn’t seem to be particularly troubled.
Although the window connected to a mysterious world again, perhaps there wasn’t a reason.

“Where are you going?”

Because she had been wrong apparently, Izumi met a let-down, and asked him out of curiosity.
After falling into silence for a while, the man replied in a low voice, “Zaharya”.

“―――――Got it!”

Izumi reflexively stood up from the bath.
The surface of the water shook and spilled, and the water pushed the tray with the sake cup against the wall.

“You want to meet with Teo Keh, right?”

The man’s face stiffened before her eyes.

“Are you a person from Yohk’Zai?”

“Eh-… Eh? No. No, I’m not.”

The man’s naked wariness and hostility threw Izumi into a panic.
She had been so sure that he wanted to meet Teo Keh. Even though she had been so sure that he was searching for the man with the blue earrings as well…

“I just met that Teo Keh uncle by chance and talked to him for a little. We aren’t even acquaintances, to say nothing of me having anything to do with Yohk’Zai.”

“You met by chance?”

Setsugen raised an eyebrow.

“Right, right. I met with this man stranded in a desert and gave him some water, and when I did, the next day Teo Keh appeared, and when I told him about the stranded man he was incredibly happy… It seems he was looking for him. I’m sure it was somebody very important to Teo Keh, don’t you think?”

“A man Teo Keh was searching for? …Searching for… Searching for…”

The man repeated it over and over as though carefully considering her words.

“Ummm…”

Izumi timidly called out to the man.

“Is there some problem?”

“Did that man meet Teo Keh?”

Izumi shook her head at the scowling Setsugen.

“I don’t know. Because after that, I never met the stranded man or even Teo Keh again.”

‘But,’ continued Izumi.

“He was saying something about an Oasis city in the east, so if he’s alive, I think they met.”

Izumi’s words were half due to her hope. The man was somebody she had met through some twist in fate, and had given water to. As expected, she really did hope that he was saved.

The man looked to the sky, and closed his eyes.

His clenched jaw faintly trembled.

Izumi couldn’t endure it.

Apparently, Yohk’Zai was not an amicable nation for Setsugen. She had no idea what relation the two had, but it was heartbreaking to see him bear with his feelings of regret.

The man who had kept his eyes closed for a long time let out a sigh, and looked back down.

“I see. So Teo Keh found him, huh.”

“I don’t really know what’s going on, but I’m sorry.”

Izumi lowered her head in a bow.

“Why are you apologising.”

“Because it wasn’t good for you that Teo Keh met the man that I saved, right?”

The man smiled. A bitter smile that seemed to have given up on something.

“It is nothing for you to worry about, Mystic-dono. All you did was help somebody.”

Izumi lost her words. She might have done something unnecessary. But somebody who needed help had appeared before her eyes, and when she had a way to save him, it was hard to look away.

“Now then, I no longer have business in Zaharya. I’ll return to my country.”

Setsugen stood up and put the fur back on.

“By the way――――”

While tying his bags back to his back, Setsugen averted his eyes from Izumi and muttered awkwardly.

“For a while now, it’s been completely visible.”

“… … … …GYAHH!”

Izumi vigorously crouched into the bathtub. When somebody else told her that in embarrassment, it made her embarrassed as well.

The overflowing water carried the tray out of the bathtub.

Hearing the crashing sounds made Izumi fall further into panic.
Did the cup I just bought break?

“Uah!? Tsch-!”

Hearing her hand out in the direction of the sound, this time she was shocked by her foot touching something hot, and jumped out of the bathtub.
Flustered, she turned on the shower.

“What’s wrong? Are you alright?”

Setsugen asked in pity, as Izumi ran cold water over her leg, even forgetting to hide her body.

“Ahh, yeah. I’m fine. It seems I forgot that about the fire stone and accidentally stepped on it.”

Izumi replied miserably.

“Fire stone?”

Setsugen peered into the bathtub in curiosity.

“This red stone?”

“Yeah. If you fill the tub with water and throw that in, it’ll really quickly turn into hot water. Aahh, this is something I got when I told Teo Keh to bring me a rock from somewhere, you see.”

“…A random rock lying about can change water to hot water!?”

Setsugen seemed to be shocked.
But well, yeah. That’s how you’d normally be. I was shocked too.
Izumi nodded with a ‘Yup, yup.’

“Fire stone. So such a wonderful thing can be found in Zaharya.”

Eyes set ablaze, Setsugen stared at the fire stone.

Getting a bad feeling, Izumi said “W-, Well then, time to get out of the bath I guess. I’m getting dizzy from the heat.” as she tried to put the lid back on the bathtub. And the lid was stopped by Setsugen’s bulky hand.

“Please wait, Mystic-dono. This! Could you please give this to me!?”

Ahh, I knew it.
Izumi hung her head.

“Okay… What do you want to trade it for?”

“Trade? Ah, you’re right. It wouldn’t be any good to receive such a wonderful thing for free. But, I don’t have anything decent on me right now.”

Setsugen took down the bag from his back and peered inside, before sighing.

It was irritating to see him glance greedily at the fire stone.

“Hey, you’re somewhere cold, right? There won’t be fire stones, but what about ice stones or something?”

“Ice stones?”

“Right, right. I’d be pretty happy if I could chill this liquor.”

“You enjoy drinking, Mystic-dono?”

After falling into thought for a while, Setsugen struck his hand.

“Please wait here.”

After saying that and leaving his bag still opened, he hurriedly ran out of the cabin.

The moment that the door opened, the howling wind and snow vigorously blew into the room.

Unable to bear it, Izumi sank back into the bathtub.

Setsugen immediately returned. In his hand was a green grass that shone with a smooth lustre.

Seeing as the roots were still attached, he had apparently gone to uproot them just now.

“This is frostsnow grass. According to legend, when the God of Might and Wine Zauna had his treasured wine hidden by his wife, in his cries and grief, his tears fell to the earth and from that spot appeared the first frostsnow grass. It can be found growing on snowy mountainpeaks, but…”

Crying just because his wine was hidden? To think there was actually such a pathetic God of Might.
Hearing this shameful story that seemed to devalue it, Izumi lost her tension.
Setsugen cut off the stem of one of the leaves.

“Try putting this leaf into your wine bottle. No matter what kind of cheap wine it is, leaving this leaf in overnight will turn it into wine of the highest grade, you know.”

Is he telling the truth?
She couldn’t help but doubt his words. Realising this about herself, Izumi sighed. The fire stone was also something that she had originally gotten for water. Even if Setsugen was making up a lie to get it, wouldn’t that be fine?

“Well, that’s fine.”

Hearing Izumi consent, Setsugen almost danced for joy.

“Our trade is complete. I am in your debt! With this, Triht may yet be saved.”

Izumi was startled. Apparently she had once again gotten involved in something major. Wrapping the fire stone in a towel before handing it over, Izumi hurriedly placed her hand to the window.

“Well then, I’m going to leave. Take care on your journey back, okay?”

“Yes. You take care not to catch a cold, Mystic-dono.”

Waving a hand towards the grinning man who had once against become a yeti, Izumi shut the window. And when she did, she sneezed.

 


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Cthulu Average – Interlude Arc – Chapter 11

Side story 11 – A Certain Evil God’s Sneer

『Candidate “Anri” has exceeded the required faith and fear levels.』
『Race has been changed from “Human Race” to “Divine Race”.』
『Job has been changed from “Mage” to “Administrator”.』
『Title has upgraded from “Child of the Evil God” to “Evil God of Fearful Trembling”.』
『Gained title “Third Administrator”.』
『Gained skill “Administration”.』

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“Ohh? Never thought that she’d bud this quickly.”

As he saw through the screen that the thing he sent just the other day had already become a member of the Divine Race, he laughed.

It was originally just a way to kill time. No, even now, it was still basically the case.
It had all started when he had noticed by chance some faith that was floating around in a low-ranked world based on stories. It was faith towards his type, so he had considered devouring it, but following an idea he came up with on a whim, he sent in a something that seemed suitable as a vessel, and decided to watch and see how things unfolded. If things went well, it would mean the birth of a new member of his kin, while if things failed, it wouldn’t be any real loss.

“It was pretty fun watching the process. Sending her in as a human was the right choice, huh.”

She might have gathered faith faster had she been sent in as an apostle, but he decided to just cram skills into her as a human and enjoy watching the show. Honestly speaking, he had crammed enough into her that it wouldn’t have been strange for her soul to collapse, but you could say it turned out well because she was good material.
When he had spotted that girl in a high ranking world, he had unconsciously sighed in wonder. It wasn’t often that you’d find a human with eyes close to his kind’s.

“Now that a new administrator has been born, the other divines probably won’t stay quiet. I’m really interested to see what happens next.”

There were originally two administrators in that world.
They would very soon know that a new administrator had been born. No, there was also the chance that they already knew. It was impossible to ignore a new administrator being born in the world they administrated, so it made sense that they would soon approach her somehow.
And because there were many cases where members of his type were hated by others, so to begin with there was definitely no way things would happen peacefully.
The world would probably be wrapped up in a power struggle between fellow divines.

“Aahh, I’m looking forward to it. So looking forward to it.”

Power struggle though it might be, in the end it was just something that would happen in a low-ranked world, so even if it was something that involved his kin, he didn’t plan on interfering.
Even if she was destroyed in defeat, that was just how it was. Just one favourite toy being broken.
It was all for his amusement, just simply killing time.
But it was also the truth that it seemed like things would be quite fun this time.
It was all thanks to the ‘beloved daughter'[thing] that he had sent in. It was just a random idea he had come up with, but once he gave it a go, it had turned out to be the right choice.

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“Aahh, I’m really glad that I created you.”

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As he saw through the screen his kin writhing around like a caterpillar as she had her legs poked by the people there, he laughed.

“If you manage to seize the power from the other two, maybe I’ll give you a reward.”


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TL: In Japanese, ‘laugh’ and one way of saying ‘sneer’ are the same. 笑う and 嗤う are both read as  ‘warau’, so in the second last line, I wrote ‘laughed’ to keep the repeat sounding good. In truth, it’s more like he laughed in ridicule. I made this decision because she obviously meant for the two lines to parallel each other. Had she wanted to strongly emphasise sneering, I think she would’ve used 嘲笑う(azawarau) or something.


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