Turf War – Chapter 5

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Chapter 5 – “Forgetting what you’ve learnt is a big nono.”

“Thirteen… Fourteen… Fifteeen…”

I stopped counting and came down from my handstand.

In the end I got carried away by everyone, and did all sorts of things, ending with single-finger handstand pushups. Honestly, I’m too susceptible to the flow. No matter how carried away I get, as a chef I’m supposed to treasure my fingers. What am I doing by endangering them like this!

Yeah. I’ll stop here. It went well this time, but I might break a finger the next. I’m planning on creating God-tier cuisine one day, so there wouldn’t be anything stupider if I hurt myself over something idiotic like this. I’d be disqualified as a chef.

Well, I guess there’s no use crying over spilt milk. Since I already went and performed, let’s see how my audience liked it.

“Well? How was it?”

“A-, Amazing, Oneesama!”

“Truly… That amazing power, and what’s more the finesse and fluidity of movement beneath, and more than anything, that exquisite sense of balance where you didn’t move a hair… I, Nielsen, feel even greater worship towards you, Tilea-sama.”

“I, Dryas, am shaking from the emotion! Even if you scoured the entire world, there would be no greater beauty than yours, Tilea-sama.”

When I asked them, I was met with a storm of praise. Everyone transitioned into a standing ovation with glittering eyes.

Geez, it’s because you guys act like this that I got carried away as well.

Anyway, that’s the end of my performance. Let’s go back to endurance testing.

“Well then, next is situps.”


Their voices filled with enthusiasm filled the room. The earlier pushups probably exhausted them. I could see that their legs were shaking. But despite that, they were oddly fired up.

Geez, it’s only your enthusiasm that’s worthy of praise. Your body isn’t keeping up at all. You’re not going to suddenly collapse, right?

I’m still nervous, but I’ll continue the test.

Situps, jumping from side to side, vertical jumps, fifty metre dashes, grip strength… I tested everything. Along the way, Or broke his bones again, but we somehow managed to finish the exam.

The result…?

Timu got a passing grade. She reached the goal I set in every exam. As for her strength, I estimated her to be a little better than your average middle or high schooler. Even though she’s small, she’s so great.

Next, Dryas-kun, Pervert(Nielsen), please try a little harder. Both Dryas-kun and Pervert(Nielsen) were elementary to middle school at best. I’ll have to remodel their bodies on a fundamental level.

Last, Or and Muram were no good on all fronts. To speak frankly, they were out of the question. I’ll have to really take care of their diets. I won’t let you two be picky eaters.

Phew~ I expected this, but to think these guys were such beansprouts… Well, no use complaining about it. All I can do is improve them one step at a time. Anyway, time to announce the results.

I moved over to Timu, who was resting after the test.

“Timu, you must be tired.”

“Y-, Yes. I never thought that it would be such harsh training.”

“Yeah. But you’ve got real promise, Timu. You had the best score of all the members here. I’ll teach you self defence the next time we have time, okay?”

“Thank you very much, Oneesama. I look forward to it!” she replied, beaming as she wiped her sweat.

If she’s going to be so happy about it, I’ll really need to teach her properly. Time to show off the results of my correspondence Judo lessons.

Next, I called out to Pervert(Nielsen) and the others, who were sitting around exhausted.

“You guys need to build up your strength first, okay?”

“Milady. We understand. We will show you that we have what it takes to conquer this harsh gravity.”

“Y-, Yeah. Anyway, just make sure to moderate yourselves with the pushups and situps. Ah, and it’d be great if we had some dumbbells, but…”

“Oneesama, whatever are these ‘dumm belz’?”

Timu grew interested in my conversation with Pervert(Nielsen). She’s always incredibly curious whenever I talk about my old life. She always listens so intently to me. Well, each time I get embarrassed about my dark history I speak vaguely, but since it’s just dumbbells this time there’s no problem.

“Dumbbells are a tool used for strength training. They’re weights that you hold in your hand and lift up and down like this. It helps you build muscle.”

“Oneesama, if it pleases you, shall I create these ‘dumm belz’ or whatever?”

“Eh-!? You can do something like that?”

“Yes. It should be possible with creation magic.”

Ooh, as expected of the Magic Academy’s genius student. To think she could even create matter… Maybe Timu could have a future in blacksmithing too.

I told her the properties and dimensions to Timu the Dwarf. After I finished talking, she started chanting some kind of spell.

A few minutes after…

“Oneesama, I have created the ‘dumm belz’. How are they?”

I looked at Timu’s creations. Two metallic lumps on either side, and a handle in the middle.

Mn. Just like what I imagined. As expected of Timu.

Timu wrote down its weight on the side. But instead of kilos she wrote tons.

Quite a chuunibyou thing to do. With a knowing smile, I tried picking it up.

“Mn!? Isn’t this pretty light?”

“As expected of Oneesana. To treat a 5 ton weight so lightly.”

“5 tons? ――Well, whatever. Timu, if we’re doing this anyway, could you try making a bunch from light to heavy?”

“I understand.”

Timu continued to chant.

And then…

1 ton, 3 ton, 5 ton, 10 ton, and 20 ton dumbbells appeared. Well, they’re actually kilos though.

I gave the ’20 ton’ dumbbell a lift.

Fumu. This is pretty heavy. I can really feel it pull down on my arm. Well, it is a whole 20 kilos after all. But I found that my arm could still move without a problem. You really can’t look down on the strength you gain from tossing a wok. This weight would be impossible for those weaklings. Or rather, if they force themselves they might even get injured.

“Everyone, you’ll get injured if you try, so don’t touch the twenty ki-, I mean, twenty ton dumbbells, okay!”

“”Understood. It would be impossible for us!””

A bunch of grown men valiantly declaring something so pathetic. Well, I guess it’s fine if they get it…

“You guys should with the 1 ton first.”


“Timu, do you want to try the 5 ton one?”

“Hmmm. I also think that much would be appropriate.”

“Mn, then that’s all for today. Timu, you’ve really worked up a sweat, huh. Shall we go find somewhere to have a bath?”

When I invited Timu, suddenly,

“Ah-, Tilea-sama. Please wait a moment.”

Or called out to me from the side.

“What’s wrong, Or?”

“Milady. The room at the end of this hallway has a bath installed. If you wish to bathe, please feel free to use that one!”

“My! Seriously!? There’s really a bath in this place!?”

“Yes. It is only a small one, but please use it to refresh yourselves.”

Oi oi oi, as expected of Or’s family, you even have a bath in your villa!? In this land, it’s impossible to own a private bath unless you’re a noble. Commoners have no choice but to use the river you know.

“Timu, since he insisted, shall we take him up on his offer?”

“Yes. I am somewhat anxious because it was something prepared by damned Ortissio, but let us go.”

“Haha… You have a point.”

The two of us headed to the bathroom that Or told us about.

“Let’s go in together, Timu ♪”


Yupyup, time to enjoy our first skinship in a whil――wha-, why the hell is Pervert(Nielsen) coming too!

“Niel, what the heck are you doing?”

“Milady. I am here to assist you and Camilla-sama in your――”


The retort just flew out of my mouth. You really can’t let your guard down around this guy. God, even casually carrying in some bath towels? Why is this guy so cunning!

“Oneesama, I have stated before, but Nielsen serves as my butler as well. I believe that there should be no problem in allowing him to assist us.”

“HAH!? HAH!? HAH!? Timu, is there something wrong with your head? There’s a huge problem. Are you going to let Niel see your maidenly skin? What are you going to do if he gets improper desires by seeing you!”

“T-, Tilea-sama, I have no ulterior motives. I only earnestly wish to――HEBURAH!”

I ended the Pervert(Nielsen) with a straight punch.

That’s right. I’d forgotten, but this guy was a pervert, wasn’t he. A super pervert who tried to use the confusion to enter the bath with us. As they say, you mustn’t forget the lessons you’ve learnt.

“O-, Oneesama…”

“Now then, let’s forget about the pervert and go inside.”


■ ◇ ■ ◇


The Evil God Army leaders doing their training.


<Previous Chapter | Imouto | Next Chapter>

48 thoughts on “Turf War – Chapter 5”

  1. Hahaha, Muram is just a circle. But seriously though, how can Tilea see someone as ripped as Pervert and think “beansprout”.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Now that you mention it, do these numbers add up?

      In a pushup you lift ~70% of your bodyweight. Ors is presumably pretty fit, so let’s say he weighs about 200 pounds. That means he normally is pushing 140 pounds. Multiply that by 100, you get 14000lbs. Distribute that to each arm, that’s 7000lbs. This is enough weight to break his arm. A 1 (metric) ton weight is 2204.62lbs; multiplied by 100 it’s 220,462lbs. That’s 31.5 times more weight.

      Timu said the 5 ton weight was fine for her, so I gotta think the 1 ton weight is also appropriate for Ors, but that seems impossible with these numbers. Either Tilea turned off the gravity, or the author did not keep track of numbers.

      Liked by 2 people

        1. Yes? You can’t tell a story without logic. Expecting consistent rules in the same universe is normal, unless it’s supposed to be some weird abstract piece, which this definitely isn’t.

          Liked by 1 person

      1. It was never mentioned that any of them aside from Tilia herself tried lifting any of those weights though. Also… a thing like that can be fixed by creating different rooms with different gravities.


    2. The problem here though isn’t whether or not Tilia can lift 2000 tons with one hand, but that the dumbbell needs to be strong enough not to collapse and break under it’s own weight. Then again, maybe they are made from Orachilum and wrapped in several layers of protective magic?


  2. -Timu being able to create about 100 tons in one sitting, isn’t that a bit dangerous in an astronomical sense?
    -Try again Tilea! You’re off in the magnitude of about 1000!
    -You’re the real pervert here Tilea!
    -I’m a bit worried if Timu actually has simillar muscles.
    -That face while using 2 1-ton-dumbells, it’s like he’s saying “you lift?”

    Liked by 2 people

      1. The real question is… can he read what Tillea is thinking? or does he simply see what she’s doing?


    1. Wouldn’t surprise me a bit if he’s constantly laughing his ass off and told luxembourg to keep watch for annoyances that could end this funny time. Even a demon god(king) can get bored you know.


  3. wait… is she turning the demon lord army into a bishonen army(minus the old looking one. they are more like super-ojisan) while the younger may sweep clean the lady, the ojisan can sweep clean the married woman.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. What the hell are you talking about, bishounen? they’re pussies! what Tillea wants is a harem of sweatshop full of burly men!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I mean they have the facility(an underground base) now all they need is the manpower, that is the sweaty musclebound men who shall work for Tillea in mass producing her signature packed goodies!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Heyy, so there’s a bath scene next chapter?!
    Also, I don’t think the picture at the bottom is quite right lol. In my head, Nielson is dignified-seeming yet pathetic. He definitely does not have better muscles than me.


  5. “Timu wrote down its weight on the side. But instead of kilos she wrote tons.

    Quite a chuunibyou thing to do.”

    I’m fucking dying

    Liked by 3 people

  6. My only thought is she is going to keep thinking it is a game untill she sits on a throne made with bones, wearing a cliche demon king clothes and have milions of people bowing before her. So fking hilarious


  7. Ah, casually treating 20 ton weights as barely a 20 kg weight… yeah, I don’t even know… She’s basically lifting giant trucks and stating they’re just barely enough to give her arms a little strain…


  8. To think that you could now lift a loaded ten-wheeler truck

    Truck-kun would be proud of you…


    its jun 1, and im 11 days earlier than first comment(including release [2020])


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