I’m not sure if it still happens these days, but in the past, there used to be children’s events and other stuff on the rooftops of Japanese department store buildings. In general, Japanese department stores were a bit better than equivalents around the world. I’m pretty sure many of them had elevator girls too. Ah! I know! It’s like the ones in Pokémon!
Chapter 37 – “It’s Tilea’s kenjutsu dojo!” (Opening)
Hmmm, what good weather. The clear blue sky is perfect for a picnic.
Timu and I are at the Beruga Plains today. Normally I only ever talk to those I’m more familiar with like Pervert(Nielsen) or Bel, but this time almost 500 members of Timu’s Praetorian Guard are gathered. It’s pretty amazing.
This is the first time I’m formally meeting with Timu’s Praetorian Guard. There are some I’ve seen before, and some I haven’t. Their ages range from their twenties to their fifties…
As expected of Timu. She’s popular across the board.
While I was admiring Timu, I heard a few people running towards me.
“Tilea-sama, I am thrilled to meet you!”
“Tilea-sama, please observe our gallantry.”
“Tilea-sama, I shall follow you to the ends of the earth.”
“Haha… I wanted to try meeting you guys again too.”
“”Milady, we are not worthy of your words!””
This kind of exchange has been repeating for a while now.
These guys are way too excited!
Every single one of them, the moment they see me, they excitedly come over to talk to me.
And each and every one of them speaks like a chuunibyou. Honestly, they should feel embarrassed at their age. I thought Pervert(Nielsen) was just a special case, but I was wrong. Apparently birds of a feather flock together. All of them are the same damn type.
“Huhu, everybody’s morale is rising because they were able to meet you, Oneesama.”
“Looks like it. It seems they’re really interested in my techniques.”
“Oneesama, by all means, I too wish to see you cut apart the air.”
“Uu-, I-, I’ll try it, but…”
“Both I and the Household Guard are looking forward to it.”
Right. the reason everybody was gathered on Beruga Plains was because I was unveiling the Evil God Techniques. All the members of the Praetorian Guard were apparently really interested in my techniques, in particular my Evil God Style, Killing Katana Method “Baban Stresh”. The dark history that I talked about during tea time was disclosed to them by Timu…
And look what happened!
Apparently the requests to see my techniques kept piling up. They said they really wanted to see me demonstrate!
I was thinking that I didn’t want to let other people know about the dark history from my previous life. But Timu begged me and wanted to see it no matter what, so I agreed. I was moved by her enthusiasm. Honestly, I really am too soft on Timu, aren’t I.
“Oneesama, how about this area?”
“Yeah. If it’s this place, then I won’t be spotted by other people, right?”
I’ll be showing my embarrassing dark history. I don’t want to be seen by anybody who isn’t a chuunibyou. That’s why I left town, and came all the way to Beruga Plains.
“Milady. We have finished scouting the surroundings. There will be no leak of information. Please use your power as much as you wish, Tilea-sama.”
Bel gave the stamp of approval for this place. It’s true that we’re hidden by the trees around us, and there isn’t a single person out here. If I do it here, I think I’ll get by without anybody else seeing.
“Right. Let’s go with this place.”
Timu, Pervert(Nielsen), and all the other members looked at me with sparkling eyes.
They want to see my chuuni techniques that badly? You guys really do like this stuff, don’t you!
It was like a bunch of children looking forward to a Hero Show on the roof of a department building. From what I hear, apparently the Praetorian Guard have been so excited that they couldn’t sleep these last few days.
Hahh~ You guys sure are carefree. I’ve been feeling so much dread recently that it felt like I was half-dead, you know? After all, our store was about to fall into a hell of debts. If it wasn’t for Remilia-san, our family would’ve broken apart. Had things gone badly, Timu and I might have even been sold to a slave merchant…
But well, I did tell them that the debt issue was resolved, so I guess you could say it’s quite natural that they aren’t paying it any attention. Only, I didn’t tell them specifically how we resolved it.
I mean, I can’t exactly say that we charged into a den of villains, beat them blue, and then tore the contract up, can I. It’s something in the past. There’s no need for me to pointlessly say it and scare them.
And so I’ll be locking the truth up in my heart. Although Timu said she would blow up the store and all that time, I’ll bet she was scared inside. Thanks to Remilia-san handing them over to the guards, they probably won’t be returning to the free world any time soon. They aren’t a threat to our shop anymore.
Ah-! I’d better let Timu know that. What if she’s actually still scared that they’ll come back.
“Timu, I forgot to mention, but those guys won’t be coming back to the store anymore. You can relax, okay?”
“Oneesama, by ‘those guys’, who do you mean?”
“Come on, those debt collectors that came to our store the other day.”
“Ahh, if you are speaking of those fellows who were rude to you, Oneesama, they have already been given to Gargan as food. We did not leave any of them behind.”
“I-, I see… Gargan’s food, huh. W-, Well, as long as you aren’t worried, then let’s just call this an end.”
“No, there is one thing that worries me.”
“I knew it! Timu, it’s all right, okay?”
“Even if you forgive this, Oneesama, I cannot. I ended up letting off their leader with an easy death.”
“O-, Ohh~? What was it like?”
“Camilla-sama’s magic bullets blew them away without a trace.”
Pervert(Nielsen) joined the conversation to get onboard on Timu’s chuunibyou. In a way, I respect him for being able to so quickly follow up chuuni fantasies.
“Without a trace, huh~”
“Yes, Oneesama. I had intended on thinking up the cruelest possible way of killing him, but because he was too sneaky, I accidentally ended him.”
“Truly a rude fellow even to his death.”
“Umu. I am unsatisfied even after killing him.”
“R-, Right. It’s not a problem, Timu.”
Timu and Pervert(Nielsen) had begun speaking frustratedly. I see. If she can act tough like that, then there probably isn’t any trauma, right?
Thank goodness, thank goodness. It ended well… right?
Mn, right. Her chuunibyou is a different issue.
“Well then, I’ll start.”
“Oneesama, there is a certain guard who would like to clash swords with you by all means. Will that be all right?”
Aahh, speaking of which, they did mention something about the Praetorian Guard having a talented swordsman, didn’t they.
Is that the guy?
If I remember correctly, Pervert(Nielsen) said that his name was Mühen, and he was an honest warrior.
“Mühen, you have permission!”
A man came out from the queue of guards. He looked to be in his sixties I guess. With all the wrinkles on his face, he looked like he had been through a lot. He doesn’t seem like a chuunibyou.
“Tilea-sama, it is an honour to meet you. This one is named Mühen.”
“So you’re Myuu. Apparently you’re the best swordsman in the Praetorian Guard or something?”
“No, this one is nothing so special.”
Oh! A humble one. I thought that the Praetorian Guard was nothing but chuuni braggarts. It’s a sudden development that surprised me in a good way. I’ve got a good impression of him now.
“Well then, shall we spar a little?”
“Milady. Please allow this one to humbly try his best.”
Mn, he’s behaving like a proper, sensible adult. Maybe he isn’t a chuunibyou, and really is a sword expert?
N-, No way, right…?
After all, he’s still just Pervert(Nielsen)’s playmate. I’ll have lost just by having any expectations. It would be better just to think of him as a chuunibyou as well.
If he’s a chuunibyou patient, then naturally he’s a fake swordsman. Since we’re both amateurs, I suppose it’ll be fine as long as we collide some branches together for a bit. And once in a while shout out technique names for flavour too, right?
“Well then, Tilea-sama, please use this weapon.”
Pervert(Nielsen) handed me a splendid and bewitching blade.
Haha, so it really is easy to get a hold on these without a swords and firearms law.
Honestly, I didn’t think that this world would have shinai, but YOU OBVIOUSLY WOULDN’T USE REAL SWORDS, RIGHTTT!?
I can’t, I can’t, I can’t! This isn’t a joke, you know. I’ll die, you know! Seriously! This is why I hate out-of-control chuunibyou!
“Hey! Niel, If (we) use something like this, (we’ll) die!”
“M-, My deepest apologies for my lack of thought.”
Pervert(Nielsen) apologised in shame. Even if he’s a chuunibyou, it’ll be a problem if he fucks around too much. But thankfully it seems that he understood. It looks like Pervert(Nielsen) matured a little as well.
“Well then, please use this.”
Pervert(Nielsen) casually handed me a wooden sword. You can tell it’s hard just by looking at it.
Is this oak wood?
I’m pretty sure it would break your head like a pomegranate.
“Due to my error in handing over a live blade, Tilea-sama almost killed a precious subordinate.”
“S-, Seriously, are you still joking around?”
“N-, No, by no means am I…”
“No, you still are!”
Oi, if you get in a clean strike with a wooden sword, you can even kill people, you know!
Or rather, isn’t Myuu still using a real oneeee!?
Why am I the only one getting downgrades!?
You’re definitely making fun of me. Could this be your revenge for when I scold you normally?
“Huhu, Oneesama is saying that even with a wooden sword, she would end up killing Mühen.”
“I see. Tilea-sama was simply that powerful.”
Whoa, whoa, what are you saying, Timu? Are you trying to kill Oneechan? Myuu is holding a real sword, you know.
“Hmm, would something of this level be acceptable?”
Timu handed me some random twig.
This… looks like it would snap in an instant.
EH!? What are you telling me to do with this?
I looked at Timu in protest, but she returned a look of unceasing trust and respect.
E-, Expectations. Timu was looking at me expectantly. Oneechan can’t betray her look of respect.
“Hmph. Even with this, I’ll still need to hold back.”
“As expect of Oneesama. Mühen is the greatest swordsman in the Household Guard. His sword skills would not lose to even Demon General Zanza. My heart dances with excitement!”
“KUAHAHAHAHA. As expected of this one’s master. Now that you have taken such a handicap, he by all means wishes to get a strike in.”
Aaahhh, I really haven’t grown at all! Why the hell did I get on board with this? And I can’t betray Timu’s expectations. In that case, I’ll place my hopes on Myuu’s good sense. Even if he’s a chuunibyou, you normally wouldn’t slice for real at a person with a twig, right? No, seriously, my life depends on this, so please cut me some slack.