Chapter 5 – “What’s with this chuunibyou jiisan!?”
For skills, I’m doing it opposite to Japanese. The readings are outside, while the meaning is in brackets for my tl.
Btw, I’m going to go back and change ‘pot’ from the earlier chapters to ‘pan’. I don’t cook, so it turns out that ‘pot’ means something a little more specific than what I thought it did.
Timu hit me. She raised her hand against her older sister. Probably using these Demon Army theatrics as an excuse, she hit me as revenge for the scolding earlier. As I thought, nothing good comes out of excessive chuunibyou.
I remember. I remember how in my past life, I was too much of a chuunibyou, and raised my hands against my parents. My parents were nagging because they were worried about my future, so I threw things at them, and rampaged. On top of that, I even spat out “I am the Evil God, Dark Matter. Future? Job? In the face of the crisis this world faces, they are meaningless. It is all foolishness!” in the end, and locked myself up in my room.
My parents couldn’t do a thing about me, and just looked sad…
I don’t want Timu to experience that too. I swore that this time I would treasure my family. Timu is probably in her rebellious phase right now. Since the year began, we’ve made Timu do nothing but help around the shop after all. I have fun helping with both the shop and the cooking so I just ended up assuming that Timu would feel the same.
Timu is still a kid, at an age where she wants to play. Because I’ve been too engaged with my cooking, I haven’t really played with Timu recently. There’s no mistake that Timu ended up participating in this sort of gathering because she was lonely.
Timu, I’m sorry.
――――But there are things that you should do, and things that you shouldn’t. Staying out until late at night. Raising your hand to your family when they scold you. For the sake of her future, as her older sister I need to make it clear what’s acceptable and what isn’t.
I’ll steel my heart!
In my old world, the world debatedly passionately about whether corporal punishment was right or wrong. I think that the key is whether or not there’s love behind it. I want Timu to grow up to be a fine adult. That’s why even if she ends up hating me, right now I need to swing the cane of lov- Oh wait, hang on, hang on. There are too many eyes here. Doing something like that in public will just have the opposite effect. On the contrary, there’s a chance that she’ll rebel and then deflate. People do often say not to scold children in public after all.
What should I do…
While I was agonising over how I should discipline Timu,
“Camilla, I’ll leave the disposal of that human to you. Everyone, let us depart!”
Suddenly, the armoured man said that, and brought everyone outside the cave.
Oooh! As expected of Armoured Man-San. Capable men really are different!
Without destroying the mood of the event, he basically said “The rest is up to your family to discuss, okay? ♪” and left us alone. With this, I can’t refer to him without -san anymore, huh.
After I conveyed my gratitude to Armoured Man-san through my eyes, I turned to Timu to scold her.
There’s still one person left. Amongst everyone around us leaving one by one, one man remains standing by Timu’s side.
He’s maybe 60 I guess?
His hair is silver-grey, he’s tall and has a stylish moustache. He’s wearing a suit with an emblem at the torso, and looks like somebody you’d find in a Hollywood film. I guess you could describe him as a stylish older gentleman.
…Why’s he still here? Even though Armoured Man-san went through all that trouble to be considerate, he’s ruining it all.
Even though everybody else understood Armoured Man-san’s true intentions and kindly went outside.
Jiisan, learn to read the atmosphere!
“Camilla-sama, please leave this to me.”
Saying that, the jiisan stepped out before Timu as though to protect her, and faced me in a fighting stance.
What the heck?
He plans on entering battle mode?
What the heck does he mean by glaring at me with an even more fearless expression?
“Nielsen, there’s no need for you to step forward. I have received my orders.”
“No, you have only just awakened, Camilla-sama. I do not believe you are at your full strength yet. This is a job for I, the captain of your household guard.”
“Umm… I need to have a chat with Timu…”
“Human, you have brought disgrace upon Camilla-sama. I shall have you compensate with your life!”
“――――I’m going to ask just in case but, could it be that you’re serious?”
He knows that everything that’s happened is just an event, right? The bloodthirst in his glares has been no joke for a while now, but…
“Am I serious, you ask? Hmph, consider it an honour. For I shall allow you to withness my ultimate secret technique!”
“‘Ultimate secret technique’? You can’t mean――”
The jiisan has his hands clenched into fists and looks incredibly fired up. It’s vigorous enough that his body is trembling, and it seems like his veins will pop.
“Secret Technique, Bomber Fire![Super Demonic Flame Burst Fist!]”
I have a bad feeling about this.
H-, He’s serious… He’s seriously become Camilla’s subordinate, and has freaking taken Armoured Man-san’s words at face value.
T-, This guy’s a chuunibyouuuuuuu!
While raising a roar, the jiisan charged forward and thrust out his fist at my head. His fist struck my temple dead on.
This guy seriously hit me. The jiisan is beating me up. His fist accurately hit my chin up, and then he drove it into my stomach.
Is this guy right in the head? I am technically a girl you know! And despite that, this guy is beating me up without hesitation. Thinking about it normally, this is assault, and would be a no-go, socially.
Shit, that was scary. From the very beginning he let out a war cry and came flying towards me to hit me, so I was shocked.
But… he’s weak. Way too weak.
How do I say this, his fists themselves don’t have any real power behind them.
Why…? It feels like a crying primary schooler hitting you in a tantrum. An elderly jiisan is frantically hitting a girl with all his might. The scene is way too surreal. Considering his cringeworthy actions, and the chuuni-esque lines he’s been spewing, and the fact that he can’t seperate reality from play, there’s probably no way this guy has a job. There’s no mistaking it. This jiisan is this world’s version of an “M.A.N. (middle-aged NEET)”.
――――Alright! This is a good chance to make Timu look at reality. I’ll show her just how hopeless a person suffering an acute case of chuunibyou is. It would be simple to just shake him free, but I decided to continue letting him hit me.
“HAAHHHH! EI! HAHP! YAH!”
The jiisan continued driving his fists into me, screaming kiai’s all the while.
See? Look Timu. Look at this disappointing jiisan. If you don’t get a job like an adult, avert your eyes from reality, and continue to immerse yourself in fantasy, this is how you’ll end up, you know!
…I wonder if Timu has understood.
When I chanced a glance at Timu, I found that she was gazing at the jiisan in worry. Her gaze looks worried for the jiisan.
But why? Why is she worried for this dangerous jiisan who’ll even attack girls?
――――I see! I’m sure that there’s a good chance that this jiisan is the reason for Timu becoming a chuunibyou. He kept going ‘Camilla-sama, Camilla-sama’, and made her feel important. And then he took advantage of her lonely heart to progressively worsen her chuunibyou!
I-, It’s definitely possible…
If you think about it like this, even if he’s a dangerous jiisan who’ll attack somebody who looks like a girl, from Timu’s point of view, he might seem like a knight who’s protecting her from the enemy.
Damn it! It seems that Timu’s chuunibyou is an even more advanced case than I had predicted.
Ah~ Thinking about it like that, this jiisan really pisses me off, huh. When all’s said and done, he’s the culprit behind pulling Timu onto the path of misfortune(chuunibyou). And moreover, I’m getting really sick of being punched by this guy. Even though the jiisan’s breathing has gotten rough, he’s continuing to hit me even now. Even though I’m getting hit, I wasn’t really sure about getting violent with a complete stranger, but I’ve had enough.
“You-, cut it out already! You damned chuuni bastard!”
I grabbed the hand that was hitting me, and thrust him back. Being shoved by me, he lost his balance. Jiisan’s body is completely open now.
I dashed forward towards the jiisan’s stomach and drove my fist in.
“Punishment! Punishment! Punishment!”
Like a boxer, I throw straights at Jiisan’s face, jaw, and solar plexus; all clean hits.
“Guha-, gahu-, gohah-! Hahh, hahhh――――w-, what terrifying speed and weight those punches have… I-, I’ll die.”
After suffering my fists, Jiisan slumped to the floor on the spot.
Even the words he gave when collapsing stank of chuuni.
“I’ll die” he says…
As if they had that much power!
But well, it was probably unexpected for this jiisan too. He probably didn’t think it was possible that he’d lose to a young girl like me, after all. But life doesn’t always go as you plan. Even if I look like this, I’m a cook; my muscled are trained from always shaking up the pan. If it’s somebody like a powerless NEET jiisan, I can take him down with ease.
tl: 初老ニート (middle aged (or above) NEET) is a set phrase in Japan. The meaning is as you can see. That’s why I put it as an abbreviation to make it look like a ‘set phrase’ that everybody uses.