All posts by Estelulu

President of the Shitposting and Sometimes Translation Club, and twice-convicted Suzuhara Lulu shill.
Kenkyo Kenjitsu

Reika-sama – 091

78 Comments

Everybody, please check the FAQ first before asking me questions.
If it’s not on there, please feel free and ask. I only get annoyed at questions when the same one has been asked 10+ times, and by then I’ll have updated the FAQ. Thank you for your consideration, guys!

Join the Evil God Army on discord!
https://discord.gg/0uufyDAsTZXQaMz1

Four days later I was suddenly rushed by Gaudy Piercings, right as I returned to cram school for the first time in a while.

“Kisshouin-saan! I’m so sorry!”

Uwah!? What’s with this guy!?

It creeped me out so I had taken a step back in reflex, but the guy didn’t mind and continued to rant.

“Since that happened, you haven’t been coming to cram school at all! I’ve been feeling so bad about it. I’m really sorry!”

Can somebody tell me what this guy is on about?

Then, who knows why, but he suddenly slumped in depression all on his own.

“You rushed out of the classroom right after, and you only came back when lunch ended. I was so worried that you were off crying somewhere.”

…Hmm? Oh! That time with the chakinzuchi!?
That’s right! I forget not the enmity you sowed on that day, scoundrel!

“And then you stopped coming as well. Was it because you didn’t wanna see me? Have you been crying at home every day?”

Oh yeah. Come to think of it, the day after the chakinzushi incident I skipped cram school to do that fasting course, didn’t I. Wow, it feels like so long ago. Aah, that course was hell~
Thanks to that though, apparently Gaudy Piercings came up with the idea that my feelings had been hurt, and had been arbitrarily wallowing in guilt for the last three days. My condolences.
I’m not going to tell him though. He stole my precious chakinzushi, so this is his punishment. Kekeke!
The enmity sowed due to food is a terrifying thing.

“I never thought you’d be hit with so much shock. I should have realised though. You’re a real ojousama. You’re more delicate than guys like us. You even look like you’ve lost weight over it.”

Eh!? What was that!? Did he just say what I thought he did? Did he just say I look like I’d lost weight!?
…Gaudy Piercings, I’ll make an exception just this once!

“Please do not trouble yourself over it. I was simply feeling under the weather, and had been resting at home,” I smiled as I forgave him. Just this once I’d let go of the grudge. It could disappear along with the fat I’d lost.

“Really!? Thank goodness! If you’re still feeling bad, then don’t overdo it, okay? Come on, sit down.”

Originally I had planned on sitting away from them, but before I knew it he had brought me over to his group. Ununu, what a crafty one.

“‘ been a while, Kisshouin-saan. Soorry about this idiot.”

“He’s such a jerk for stealing your food like that.”

“Ojousama suuure are delicate~ After all, Kisshouin-san stayed at home just for something like that.”

Bobcut was really casually being caustic.

“Kisshouin-san said she was ill. Hey, if you don’t feel well then you have to speak up, okay?”

“Thank you for your concern.”

Gaudy Piercings was oddly gentlemanly. I guess it’s because he came up with this image of me being some dainty, sheltered rich girl. Naive. While Gaudy Piercings was feeling guilty, I was living it up in a high class Chinese restaurant, stealing shark fin soup from Otousama.

But he said I’d lost weight… My last checkup said that I’d lost two kilos, certainly, but I knew the weight would return the moment I started eating again.

I decided that I would put in the effort to keep my midriff like this though.

Gaudy Piercings, thank you for the motivation.

Also, Gaudy Piercings, what was your real name again?

*

Break time came, and Gaudy Piercings’ group went out for lunch. As usual I had my bentou. After having a relaxing lunch, I had a skim through my textbook. I had already planned to have Marin-sensei help me catch up, but it wouldn’t hurt to try a bit on my own.
Coming back from his own lunch, Gaudy Piercings passed me a bag from a coffee shop. Confused, I looked inside and found a proscuitto and vegetable panino.

“This is for last time. I’m not sure if food like this would taste good to an ojousama like you, but if you’re okay with it then please take it.”

Ehhh!? Thank you! I love this stuff! What the heck! You’re actually a pretty good guy, Gaudy Piercings.

“Thank you. I will definitely enjoy it later,” I smiled brightly.

Smiles are cheap for people who give me panini. Gaudy Piercings seemed happy as well.

“Umewaka~ Lend me your electronic dictionary~” called Bobcut.

Oh, that’s right. Umewaka. Thanks for reminding me, Bobcut.
Umewaka-kun, who gave me a panino, went to give Bobcut his e-dictionary, and then happily played around with his phone.

*

Since that day, I started talking to Umewaka-kun a little more. He was oddly overprotective. Like, he’d ask if my bag was too heavy, or mention that it was hot today and ask me if I was okay.
And each and every time, Bobcut’s eyes would be lit up in jealousy. She was really easy to read. Sometimes she’d drop in a comment like,

“It must be nice, being a pampered ojousama~”

Really, really easy to read.

Umewaka-kun’s group of friends was made up of three guys and two girls. The other girl was the one who sat next to me on the first day, and it seemed like she was close with the brown-haired guy. Thanks to that, she didn’t seem to mind me as much as Bobcut did.

One day Bobcut caught me in the bathroom.

“You’re really girly, Kisshouin-san. Me, I’m more frank and chill, and kind of like a guy, so all the boys treat me like one.”

“I see.”

It’s also common-sense to girls that on the inside, the self-proclaimed frank, chill, and kind-of-like-a-guy women are actually the most frighteningly jealous women of all.
It was honestly a bother, so I just left.

*

Umewaka-kun continued to worry about me, telling me to be careful about the heat, or asking if it was hard keeping my hair tidy.
Once I was curious enough to ask him why he bothered with me so much. His eyes lit up and he said to me,

“Because my beloved Beatrice is just like you, Kisshouin-san!”

So I asked him who Beatrice was, and he pulled out his phone to show me.

It was a dog.

“See? Isn’t she cute? She’s an American Cocker Spaniel and she’s got the roundest, cutest eyes. And your hair is just like my Beatrice’s, Kisshouin-san. The first time I saw you from behind, I thought, oh my god! It’s my Beatrice! My Bea-tan is such an angel.”

Umewaka-kun’s beloved dog was one of the types with wavy long hair, and she was wearing a ribbon on her head too.
After that, even though I never asked for it, Umewaka-kun started showing me pictures of his adorable Bea-tan, one after another. Bea-tan running happily. Bea-tan rolling on the floor. Bea-tan asleep. One after another, he continued animatedly showing them off to me.
Umewaka-kun was a hardcore dog lover.

“Beatrice’s hair is really long and it’s so hard to get the kinks out. I make sure to brush her hair everyday, too. How do you take care of your hair, Kisshouin-san? It’s really hard maintaining Bea-tan’s sausage curls.”

The former Umewaka-kun, now revised to Dog Lover-kun, apparently wanted my advice on long hair.
Dog Lover-kun, I might look like this but I’m still technically a human.

“…You truly love dogs, Umewaka-kun.”

“Yeah. Oh, look at this!” he said as he pointed proudly to his earring.

Looking carefully, it was a silver earring of a dog paw.

He was an honest-to-god dog lover.

“This is my favourite one, but I’ve also got a bone earring too. Wanna see? I’ll show you next time, okay?”

He was an honest-to-god, maniac dog lover.

“I might not be a dog, but perhaps it would help to know that I use a brush that a salon recommended me. The teeth are very fine to avoid tangles.”

“Oh, my Bea-tan has an exclusive brush too.”

“I might not be a dog, but perhaps it would help to know that I visit a salon at least once a month for hair treatment.”

“My Bea-tan also gets a trimming once a month!”

…Really, can you just give up on this comparison already, Dog Lover-kun?

“Also American Cocker Spaniels get fat really easily, so I have to take care about her food and exercise.”

We’re the same species!

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<Previous Chapter | Imouto | Next Chapter>

Evil God Average

Chapter 2 – Evil God Statue – Part 3

22 Comments

Part 3 – The Trampled World

Three days had passed since the Evil God Statue had begun its rampage.

In that time a great many nations had fallen into pandemonium about it. After all, the thing was the size of the damned temple, and it was running about doing whatever it liked.
If you think about it from the perspective of civilians without context, it’s little wonder they’d be frightened out of their minds.
Actually I’m pretty sure you’d be frightened even with the context.

『It just trampled down the castle ramparts in a kingdom to the east!』

The Pope was coordinating in the third floor of the Evil God Temple, receiving information from countless subordinates.
Sitting in the same room, each time a bit of info came in I shrank further into my seat.

In the centre of the large room was a fittingly large table. On top of it was a map of the world, centred on the Thearchy. We actually were kind of in the centre of the world though.

Various notes about the movements of the Evil God Statue were filled in on top of it. According to the information, the Statue was heading north-east from our country.
As for the report I heard earlier, thankfully it had just grazed the castle. The only serious damage was to the ramparts.
I let out a sigh of relief for the lack of casualties.

『It just passed through the mountains to the north!』

Apparently it had changed directions, and had made some sort of arc, mowing down all of the mountain towns in its wake, but again there weren’t casualties. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to feel thankful or not. At the very least though, I was feeling relieved that it was moving away from population centres.
It wasn’t clear if the lack of casualties was intentional on its part or if it was simply all a big coincidence, but what was clear was that we had to stop it before anything serious did happen.

『The Holy Statue is moving towards the Demon Territory!』

…Oh boy.

If you ignored the size, the statue was the spitting image of me. Meaning that if you knew who I was, and then you saw that damned statue, even an idiot would realise that I was somehow involved.
And the Demon Territory had plenty of people who knew me. If they were to see the statue…

Then, just as I expected, a black light suddenly flashed before my eyes, with a visual in the middle.
Somebody had contacted me through a communications magic channel.
Expecting what was to come next, I immediately clamped my hands on both my ears.

“Anri-sama?”

Tena and the other people in the room looked at me in confusion. Privately, I thought that if they had the time to look at me then it would be better spent blocking their ears as well.

『OOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIII!』

roared the voice from the transmission.

A number of people crouched down with their ears covered as the voice seemed to shake the room. Thankfully I had the sense to minimise the damage.
The blurry visual began to come into focus. Sitting there was just who I expected. A friend who had once lived in this country with us, and was now living in the Demon Territory, Leonora.
Who would have thought we’d be seeing each other so soon after she left.

『I bet that statue was your doing, wasn’t it! What the hell are you even doing!?』

It couldn’t be helped that she realised. She had already known we were building a bronze statue, and that one in her country right now was obviously a statue of me, so.
And well, the one who enchanted the statue was obviously me too, so she had pretty much nailed it.
Still, I didn’t want her to think this was a weird plot or anything.

“Yes, I am the cause, but I didn’t mean it. Nobody could have seen this coming,” I made sure to emphasise, and then looked her straight in the eyes.

It felt like it had been a while since we had last looked at each other like this. It was only possible this time because my eyes didn’t have an affect on her through the screen.

We continued to stare at each other for a while, but she seemed to believe me after a while. She knew the kind of person I was, after all, and that it wasn’t my intention.
Having said that though, not being my intention meant that it wasn’t moving according to my intentions.
Asking me to stop it was pointless.

Leonora let out a sigh as she considered the trouble her future held.

“How bad is it over there?”

『Thankfully, no damage to the castle and towns. It trampled some nests which sent monsters beyond their habitats, but things calmed down. The problem is…』

Problem?
I unconsciously held my breath as I waited for her to continue.

『With a statue of that size loitering around, it’s sure to catch attention. My entire country has been sent into a panic.』

I’m really sorry about that.

『They came to wake me just as I was going to bed. Since then I’ve been putting out fires all over.』

Looking carefully, she had bags under her eyes.
If they had gone to get her just as she was about to head to sleep, then she hadn’t slept at all.
I was sorry about that.
Worse yet, I had actually been sleeping just fine these days, reasoning to myself that I needed to be at my best to respond to emergencies.

『Well? Are you going to tell me how this happened?』

I began to tell her about the events leading up to it.

The Evil God Statue had just been completed, and the Pope showed it to me.
I realised that if you looked up from the foot of the statue, something family-unfriendly could be seen, which is why I panicked and quickly ordered them to build a fence at the base.
Since I was the one who ordered this, I decided to sit around and supervise, which is when I accidentally blessed it with divine protection. And that’s when it began to walk.

As I was telling the story, I had this odd feeling that Leonora was completely unimpressed with me, but surely it was just my imagination.
Looking back after recounting it, I once again reaffirmed that there was absolutely no way I could have seen this coming. Nobody could have.

“Nobody could have seen this coming.”

『Just… what… part!』

She got mad at me.

『All well and good if you just want to build a fence, but how exactly was enchanting a giant statue completely unavoidable!』

My excuse didn’t work on Leonora. She knew me too well.
In my defence though, the sunlight was just so nice and warm, so in a sense falling asleep there was unavoidable.
I actually blamed the sun for all this.

『You’re thinking something stupid again.』

Awfully sharp for the meathead of our group.

“What are you talking about? Also if you know which way it’s heading, tell me.”

Maybe the change in topic wasn’t as natural as it could have been, but I honestly did need to know.
Where the Evil God Statue was heading next was a very serious concern.

I guess she agreed because her expression turned serious.

『The Statue was coming in from our north-east. It changed directions to cut right through the middle of our territory. We haven’t received news on its latest location, but I suspect that it’s a little north of the Demon Territory’s centre. If I’m right, then by this time tomorrow it will have reached the Human Territories. Actually, it’ll probably be back in your Thearchy.』

So basically it’s been cutting an oval in an anti-clockwise direction in the northern part of the continent.
I was a little amazed at how fast it was going, but then I remembered how big it was. At that size, it could have been dawdling and it still would have been fast. It had really long legs.
In any case, if it was really coming back here then that would be my chance. I had to think of a way to stop it.

『Hanging up for now, if that’s all.』

I guess that was all she wanted to talk about.
Leonora scolded me but she also gave me valuable information.

“Yeah, got it. Thanks for contacting me. I’d appreciate it if you passed along any new info. I’ll do the same.”

『Got it.』

With that, she cut the line.

Now then, it was time to sort out what I knew.
And then, just as I was about to stand up to update the map, everything turned dark.

◆　　◆　　◆

A moment later my vision came back, and I found myself in a completely different room.
This room was smaller than the previous one, but the ceiling was higher as well.
More importantly, there were three desks in front of me, reminding me uncomfortably of a courtroom.
I was standing on a dais right in the middle.

Sitting at each of the three desks was a different person; to my right was a blonde woman in full-plate armour, to my left was a red-cloaked man with long green hair, and to the front of me was a black-haired girl wearing a dress with the same black rose motif as mine.
Thanks to the heights of the desks, I ended up looking up at them.
Surrounded by the three of them looking down at me, I have to admit, it was not a place I’d like to be.

“………………”

“………………”

“………………”

“………………”

The four of us maintained a tense silence as we stared.

After a while, it was the girl who spoke first.

“We now begin the internal investigation.”

<Previous Chapter | Imouto | Next Chapter>

Kenkyo Kenjitsu

Reika-sama – 090

91 Comments

Everybody, please check the FAQ first before asking me questions.
If it’s not on there, please feel free and ask. I only get annoyed at questions when the same one has been asked 10+ times, and by then I’ll have updated the FAQ. Thank you for your consideration, guys!

Join the Evil God Army on discord!
https://discord.gg/0uufyDAsTZXQaMz1

I was led to a twin bedroom suite filled with amenities. I wouldn’t have expected less from a hotel owned by the Kaburagi group.
Unfortunately the fridge had nothing except water and ice thanks to the nature of our visit. It really hit me that I wasn’t going to be eating for a while.
I decided to relax on the sofa for a bit with herbal tea. We were going to meet up with the others later for a walk in the park.

“Say, Okaasama, would Otousama not have been a better choice to bring to a fasting? I do believe that he needs it the most in our family.”

“Your father has work. And fasting would not make him skinnier.”

Ruthless.

“More importantly, it seems that Kaburagi-sama is very fond of you, Reika-san,” she commented happily.

…I suppose it might have seemed that way to others.

“As expected of my daughter! You are so terribly cute after all. Of course she thought you were a match for Masaya-san!”

Whoa, whoa, stop that, Okaasama. You just made a leap across the Grand Canyon of logic.

After spending some time getting Okaasama back under control, we went and met up with the others.
The staff led us on a stroll through the huge garden, and the older ladies were apparently still talking about what happened earlier.

“Even Kaburagi-sama approves of Reika-san. Your daughter certainly has a different kind of quality to her.”

“My, ohoho! Ladies, please don’t flatter her so.”

Okaasama sounds arrogant even when she’s turning down praise. I could tell she was in a fantastic mood. As the women continued to pay my mother lip service, suddenly, I remembered that there was one other person here my age. I started feeling a bit bad for Akimi-san.

After that we all headed to the same room and had drinks for dinner. I was still completely hungry… Couldn’t we have at least had seconds? I wasn’t looking forward to repeating that on the next two days.

Next on the itinerary was a massage as the beauty salon. It was actually kind of focused on my midsection. A stomach massage? Uhyahyahyahyahya! It tickles! Gueh!

I woke up the next morning with a sad-looking stomach. Breakfast was in drinkable form again. I want to eat something solid…

There was a pool and gym available for us to use, but I could muster up the energy for a walk at best. How do you expect people to move without food…

As for Okaasama, after our lunchtime drinks she immediately headed back to our room to sleep. I guess she was basically giving up. In her place I went with the madams to do some yoga.

It was easy yoga; simple poses designed around a class to help us relax. I was so hungry though that my stomach kept making embarrassing gurgling sounds.

The housewives around me were happily chatting away. They sure had energy~ Where on earth were they getting that stamina from.

Actually they were so energetic that they started asking me questions like,

“Reika-san, do you have anybody you like?”

“Masaya-san from the Kaburagi family is in your school year, isn’t he?”

“What about Shuusuke-san from the Enjou family?”

“Has your Oniisama decided on a lady yet?”

They sure loved gossipping about the lovelives of the young…

Dinner was in drinkable form yet again. I was sick of this…

Sure, they changed the flavours each time but still…

Okaasama was whining on the phone to Otousama.

*

Since it was night time I had time to study from a textbook, but my empty stomach had completely removed the will to do a thing.

I decided to go for a walk to help my mood. Just as I stepped out, I came across Akimi-san.

…Oh, that’s…

Hidden behind her back was a bag from the hotel patisserie.

Awkward…

Just as I had decided to pretend that I didn’t see anything, Akimi-san hesitantly brought it forward.

“The drinks just wouldn’t fill me up…” she said with a self-depreciating smile.

“Yes, I understand. I certainly feel famished,” I smiled politely in return.

Ah, come on now. Don’t look like that. It’s not like we’re hospitalised or anything, so if you want to eat, just eat.

“Reika-san, could we chat a little?”

The two of us went for a walk in the garden.

The lighting had made it incredibly beautiful. The two of us made our way over to one of the benches and sat down.

“After meeting you, Reika-san, I’ve been thinking… I really am a cowardly waste of space, aren’t I.”

“Eh?! Not at all!”

On the contrary, I don’t think you’ll ever meet a bigger coward than me. The Japanese have a saying, you know? ‘A Three-Day Priest’; basically somebody who gives up at the drop of the hat. If I didn’t know any better I’d say they created that phrase just for me.

“The more they tell me that I can’t eat, the more and more I want to.”

“…I understand how you feel,” I nodded vigorously.

Why does my stomach always growl the moment I decide to diet?

“I’ve been fat since I was little. I’ve tried losing weight a few times, but I always give up… The name Akimi(refulgent beauty) is wasted on me.”

Whoa, whoa, you think the name Reika(resplendent flower) fits me any better? It means that I’m supposedly as lovely as a flower, you know? So lovely that all I do is eat all day, a lay-about tanuki pup who even got mistaken for a pregnant woman once.
So there’s really no need for you to smile so sadly with your bag of pastries, okay?

“It must be nice being you, Reika-san. You’re so beautiful. I often hear rumours about Takateru-sama taking his younger sister out. He must be so proud of you. I’m envious.”

“Umm, I am not quite sure what you mean…”

“…I have an older brother too. But he hates me because I’m fat and ugly, no doubt. Not once has he invited me anywhere.”

Uhhh, yeaah, I think that’s less Oniisama bringing me out, and more me tagging along, but…?

“Even Kaburagi-sama has her eye on you. You’re really so amazing, Reika-san. Your father, Chairman Kisshouin, brags about you everywhere too, you know? Gosh, it’s amazing how proud of you he is.”

What the heck are you doing, damned tanuki! Just wait ’til I get home!

“My father is too doting with me. Goodness, this is embarrassing. I must warn him the next time I see him. And I will have you know that I am simply fat in places that others cannot see. My midsection for instance. Something that I seem to have inherited from my father, unfortunately. My stomach is a veritable marshmallow at the moment.”

“A veritable marshmallow? Goodness, you do say hilarious things,” she laughed with a kind smile. She was definitely on the chubby side, but that just made her cuter and more relaxing to be around. Really, there wasn’t any reason for her to look down on herself so much. I suppose she kind of reminded me of Hanachirusato from the Tale of Genji?

I decided on cheering her up. That’s why I started telling her all kinds of stories where I was the butt of the joke. Stuff like,

“Actually, once while wearing my school uniform the hook on my skirt popped when I sat down,”

or “So the moment I put it on in the changing room I heard a rip, so I bought it and never wore it again,”

or “This one day I ate a whole cake by myself and was bedridden from the stomach ache.”

Akimi-san listened to me as she laughed, but I had an inkling that she thought I was just exaggerating.

Naive.

Far from exaggerating, these stories were just the tip of the iceberg.

Unfortunately I still had plenty of embarrassing stories like “that time I was swinging from a rope and nearly stacked it,” or “that one time I crashed into the class rubbish bin,” and other such unmentionable tales.

Still, it looked like it worked a little. Akimi-san offered me a butter cookie in the shape of a leaf from her bag.

Butter cookie! I wanna eat! But I’m fasting right now! Why must you tempt me so!

Sensing my inner turmoil, Akimi-san smiled and told me,

“You know, it isn’t just me that’s sneaking out at night to eat, you know? Pretty much every single participant has been doing the same thing.”

“Ehhhh!?”

“I think it might only be your mother and you that’s actually fasting properly. The hotel staff keep quiet even if they see you. If they didn’t, how would I have bought these?”

Okaasamaaaa, we’ve been deceiveeed!
I’d wondered how everyone else was so energetic.

“…And here I was, so hungry that all I could think about was food…”

“Huhu, then shall we eat?”

“No, I think I shall hold on for a little longer. It would feel somewhat frustrating otherwise.”

“I suppose it would for you, Reika-san. Do your best.”

Since the air was beginning to get a bit chilly, the two of us decided to return to our rooms. Just to keep appearances up, I lent her my scarf to hide the bag of pastries with. She thanked me with a smile.

Do you think we’ve gotten a little closer?

Our final meal consisted of rice congee. Haaah~ Yummy…

Next to me, Okaasama seemed to be in total bliss. I get how you feel. I really do.

“The fasting course is now complete,” announced the staff.

And with that, we all prepared to leave.

Time to go home. Please let me go home.

The two of us went through our goodbyes before climbing into the awaiting car. Akimi-san even waved me goodbye as I left.

*

I’m hoooome~!

Otousama and Oniisama were waiting with warm food prepared.
Obviously due to her weakened spirit, Okaasama was overcome with emotion and clung to Otousama in an embrace. Truly the Beauty and the Tanuki.
I tried the same thing with Oniisama as well, but when I did it he dodged. Why!

<Previous Chapter | Imouto | Next Chapter>

Tilea

Turf War – Chapter 17

20 Comments

Everybody, please check the FAQ first before asking me questions.
If it’s not on there, please feel free and ask. I only get annoyed at questions when the same one has been asked 10+ times, and by then I’ll have updated the FAQ.
Thank you for your consideration, guys!

Join the Evil God Army on discord!

https://discord.gg/0uufyDAsTZXQaMz1

Chapter 17 – Working towards an amiable conclusion (Opening)

Mum was trying to stab Or. Her face was ghastly pale. Even the hand holding the knife was trembling. Everything pointed to something being really wrong.

“Mum, what on earth happened…?”

“I knew it. You were being tricked, Tilea. He might pretend to be kind but behind the mask is a terrifying villain!” she rambled.

Speaking of which… wasn’t she speaking just like this that time when she thought Timu was a demon?

Mum likes to over-think things, and has this terrible habit of fixating on an idea once it gets into her head.

I was pretty sure it was another case of chuunibyou putting weird ideas into her mind. That and the fact that Or was a noble. A terrifying villain, though? I honestly didn’t think she could be any further from the mark.

“Calm down, Mum. You’re being ridiculous.”

“Tilea, you’re naive and earnest so you can’t understand, but I do.”

“Mum, it’s a misunderstanding. Or’s like the complete opposite of the Fiend. You honestly can’t even compare them.”

“Gods, why must my daughter be so…!” Mum exclaimed, as she massaged her temples.

I was starting to worry she’d get wrinkles from being so angry.

“Mum, let’s just calm down first. Or is just――”

“Enough! He’s hiding his power! Open your eyes! He’s completely calm even though I’m brandishing a knife!”

Calm…?

That couldn’t be. Or was as frail as they came. It was unthinkable that he could remain calm. To begin with, how did things come to this? I always thought of Mum as mild and gentle. What could have led to her drawing a knife?

Or! Just what the heck did you do to anger Mum so much! We spent so much damned time teaching you to be respectful and then you go and send her crazy instead!?

I cursed him in my mind. Repaying kindness with enmity! I covered for him all this time because I pitied him and this was how he repaid me!

My head shot in his direction and I sent him a death glare.

“Hiie! T-Tilea-sama!”

“Orrrr… So you have betrayed me…”

“U-U-Unthinkable!”

“Then explain why my mother is so angry that she’s threatening you with a knife. It looks like you’ve already forgotten what Niel and I said to you downstairs.”

“O-, Of course not. I have taken great care around Sera-sama.”

“Then… explain this.”

“Hiee! M-My deepest apologies!” he said as he trembled with a cold sweat.

Geez, if you’re going to get this scared then be more careful to begin with. Who told you to turn my life into a damned soap opera.

Hahhh… To be honest I already knew what was going on. Since Mum has always been even-tempered, this idiot probably saw an inch and took a mile. And since Mum was already thinking about the Fiend, she came into the situation with a prejudice against nobles.

No wonder he enraged her so.

“Isn’t that enough, Mum? Just put the knife down.”

“Eh-!? B-, But…”

“Mum, what part of this looks like a fiend to you?”

I pointed at Or who was now crying and trembling on the ground. Honestly he looked like nothing else except some kid who ran home crying after being picked on by the neighbourhood bully. I hoped she would just forgive him already.

“T-, That can’t be. He-, just before he was… I-I know! You have to listen, Tilea. Just now when it was the two of us I felt this incredible bloodlust!”

“Bloodlust? From Or?”

“Right. I thought I was going to be killed!”

“Or! You’ve finally made me angry.”

“I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-, I-I would not dare! K-Killing!? I just glared at her a lit――”

“Or! You dare glare at my Mum!?”

“H-Hiie! P-Please forgive me!”

“Hahh… Or, who should you be apologising to right now?”

“O-, Of course!”

He turned to Mum with a serious expression. It looked like he was going to apologise in earnest to her.

“Sera-sama. For the many trespasses against your honour that I have committed, I sincerely apologise. Please, please find it in your merciful heart to forgive me.”

“Wha-! So shameless! Quit with the acting, and show us the real you!”

Mum started making thrusting motions with the knife.

Oi, oi, stop that, Mum! You’re seriously on the verge of becoming a criminal here!

“Wait-! Mum! Let’s all calmly――”

“Hiiiiie――! P-Please stop this! Sera-sama, p-please stop stabbing. Please. Hiie, stop!” Or began to beg in tears.

Mum was having none of it though.

“T-This should be nothing to you. What are you begging for!”

Please stop, Mum. This is the real him. Look, he’s completely frightened. Wow, you’ve totally made a grown man cry…

You’re so ruthless, Mum!

“Mum, just stop that already. I’m really feeling sorry for him now.”

“Wait, Tilea. You’re getting it wrong. There must be some kind of misunderstanding here. This can’t be his true nature. I definitely sensed something even more terrifying than the Fiend, you know.”

“You’re just tired, Mum. A lot has happened, right? It’s natural that you misunderstood. Let’s have a break, okay?”

“Ahh, geez! Are you still convinced that he’s a good person? Tilea, I’m not just tired. This man is definitely some kind of villain!”

It-, It’s impossible.

She wasn’t listening at all. Mum was refusing to accept that she was wrong here. But how could I convince her…?

Suddenly,

“Oneesama, have you finished speaking to Esteemed Mother? I was hoping to get on with Ortissio’s execution, actually…” Timu said in anticipation.

Magical Bullets were already floating by her hands.

Oh. Right. There was the issue of Timu as well. Honestly, I wished that things could just be simple for once.

Timu looked like a predator that had cornered her prey, which was just making things even worse for Or.

“We’re not going to execute him, Timu. Be a good girl and settle down, okay?”

“However, Ortissio’s rebelliousness is plain as day. Of all things, he cursed at our Esteemed Mother. If that is not a clear sign of his lack of loyalty then I do not know what is.”

“No, no, please wait, Camilla-sama! There are very, very complex reasons behind all of this!”

“Making excuses, Ortissio? How unsightly. Accept your punishment with some dignity.”

Oh dear. The angrier she was getting, the larger the bullets were growing. The things had gone from the size of a tennis ball to easily fifty centimetres across.

I had no doubts that if Or was hit by those…

His death warrant was close to signed. I had to stop this.

“G-, Girls! Stop aggravating him! You’ll be killed!”

And of course the thing with Mum was still going on in the sides as well.

Killed(lol) by Or…?

If Or was really that powerful I’m pretty sure the whole Evil God Army would be dead right now.

Back to Timu though, she was still verbally abusing him as she brandished her magic. And of course Mum was in a panic, trying to stop Timu from “being killed!”.

What on earth had my life turned into.

And on that note, Mum was still holding that bloody knife! Just put it down already!

I decided to just try and stop Mum first. I would get Timu to leave for now. With her here, things were uncontrollable.

“Timu, you head downstairs and wait for me.”

“B-, But Oneesama. I must purge this mistake of a kin.”

I guess she was dead-set on terminating him.

Geez. I supposed it was time to get forceful.

I grabbed Timu by the scruff of the neck.

“W-, What is it, Oneesama…? I was just about to execute damned Ortissi――”

“Yes, yes, come on now, stop making things even more complicated.”

“O-, Oneesama, wa-, wait-”

“Mum, Or, I’ll be right back.”

With Timu still hanging from my hand, I left the room when suddenly I bumped into Pervert(Nielsen). Who knows why he was even here. Actually a number of the Praetorian Guard were here as well.

W-, What on earth was this lot doing?

Well, whatever.

“Niel, good timing. Take Timu downstairs for me.”

Pervert(Nielsen) graciously complied. With that, Pervert(Nielsen) respectfully led Timu underground.

■　◇　■　◇

Ortissio was deep in thought.

Why was this happening to me?

Tilea-sama had been discussing things with that human(Sera) for a while now. I don’t know if that human(Sera) had some grudge against me but she was doing everything in her power to tear Tilea-sama and I apart. Each time Tilea-sama looked at me with suspicion I could feel myself physically shrinking in on myself.

Why had things come to this!?

Not only was the venerable Tilea-sama suspicious of me but my beloved and respected Camilla-sama was glaring at me murderously. I wouldn’t have been surprised if she shot me. I could see myself dying at any moment. It was the definition of sitting on a powder keg.

My legs were trembling despite myself, and I could hear my teeth chatter. I had no doubts that I looked like an utter clown at this moment, terrified of his death.

But I implore you not to misunderstand. What I feared was not mere death. It was the thought of dying in dishonour that terrified me to the bone. The thought of death as a rebel because of some ridiculous misunderstanding was unbearable!

Unheeding of my wishes, however, reality continued to progress in ever more unfavourable directions. At this rate a traitor’s execution was just around the corner.

Things were looking extremely bad.

Why. Why did everybody doubt me so! To be perfectly frank, my loyalty to the Evil God Army was as deep as it came. For Tilea-sama and Camilla-sama, I could discard my life at the drop of a pin.

But why.

Why did things always backfire!

That human(Sera) was going too far so I just lost my temper a little. Why did they have to doubt my loyalty like this?

What should I have done instead, then?

As a loyal retainer, what should I have done? Should I have ignored the words of that petty human(Sera)?

Out of the question! Should I have stayed silent while she debased the mighty Tilea-sama!?

I felt an urge to shout exactly that. But I knew that it was unlikely they would listen to me. I understood. As tragic as it was, the reality was that the dependability scale in the Evil God Army looked something like this:

Camilla-sama > Evil God Army’s Officers > Edim and other vampires > That Human(Sera) > … > Insurmountable Wall > The Underground Empire’s Terranean Restaurant > Ortissio

I finally understood just what Tilea-sama meant when she used that term, “Insurmountable Wall”. There was no better phrase to describe my current situation. I was even less trusted than That Human(Sera).

So, so frustrating!

Still, there was no time to waste on bemoaning my misfortunes. If I didn’t do something soon I was going to meet my end as a rebel.

I was frantically running options through my head when suddenly…

“T-, That can’t be. He-, just before he was… I-I know! You have to listen, Tilea. Just now when it was the two of us I felt this incredible bloodlust!”

That Human(Sera) dropped a bombshell.

Holy fuck! Can That Human(Sera) not go three minutes without making life harder for me!

By now I could tell that Tilea-sama was apparently very fond of That Human(Sera). And Tilea-sama just found out that I had threatened her favourite toy.

O-, Oh dear…

“Or! You’ve finally made me angry.”

Ohhhhhh dear, oh shit, this was bad.

Just as I predicted, Tilea-sama’s looks of distrust had turned into a look of murder. Every cell in my body was now dedicated to looking for some excuse to survive this.

“I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-, I-I would not dare! K-Killing!? I just glared at her a lit――”

“Or! You dare glare at my Mum!?”

“H-Hiie! P-Please forgive me!” I apologised as my whole body ran with a river of cold sweat. I was pretty sure that I didn’t have a drop of water left in me. I just prayed that I got through to her as I looked at Tilea-sama.

“Hahh… Or, who should you be apologising to right now?”

But Tilea-sama wanted me to apologise to That Human(Sera) instead.

Ugh, why did I have to apologise to the likes of a human. I couldn’t understand it. A member of the demon race, the strongest race, apologising to an inferior species like a human…

Oh!? Of course!

General Commander Nielsen had warned me about exactly this. Human or not, this Sera was Tilea-sama’s temporary parent.

Just as General Commander Nielsen had said…

“A truly loyal servant would show respect to even the shoes worn by their master.”

What a fool I had been. Tilea-sama had been birthed from none other than the womb of That Human. No, That Lady. Come to think of it, she was the temple in which the Evil God-sama had descended upon the land. That would make her Temple-sama then.

It was foolish of me to see Temple-sama as just some other human. Because of that my smiles were fake and I secretly looked down on her. With such preposterous thoughts in my heart how could anything have possible gone smoothly!

What a fool!

Temple-sama had little mana and her body was frail and weak. Thanks to that I made light of her but that was a huge mistake!

I immediately corrected my posture and turned to her.

“Sera-sama. For the many trespasses against your honour that I have committed, I sincerely apologise. Please, please find it in your merciful heart to forgive me,” I apologised, as I bowed deeply, body prostrated.

“Wha-! So shameless! Quit with the acting, and show us the real you!”

My apology was not accepted, however. Far from it, her stabbing motions renewed with more vigour.

This was serious. If she ever managed to hit me it was very likely that Temple-sama would be injured. Try as I might to repress my mana, the body of a demon was incredibly tough. If she stabbed too hard the force would rebound onto her hand.

This was bad. This was incredibly bad. What was I to do?

Remove the knife…?

But Temple-sama had too little mana. What if the impact broke her bones. I wasn’t even entirely sure how tough a normal human was so trying to adjust my strength would be hell.

Then was I to avoid the knife…?

But I had already lost the timing to do that.

Kuh! There was no other way. If Temple-sama was to be injured then I was as good as gone. Tilea-sama would abandon me.

Everything would be over.

“Hiiiiie――! P-Please stop this! Sera-sama, p-please stop stabbing. Please. Hiie, stop!” Or began to beg in tears.

So I abandoned my pride and self-respect, and started begging Temple-sama to stop.

 

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Kenkyo Kenjitsu

Reika-sama – 089

104 Comments

Everybody, please check the FAQ first before asking me questions.
If it’s not on there, please feel free and ask. I only get annoyed at questions when the same one has been asked 10+ times, and by then I’ll have updated the FAQ. Thank you for your consideration, guys!

Join the Evil God Army on discord!
https://discord.gg/0uufyDAsTZXQaMz1

A ryoutei (料亭) is a type of luxurious traditional Japanese restaurant. Often used in important dinners or high-class banquets for important business meetings, or in low-key meetings between VIPs, celebrities or statesmen, traditionally ryoutei only accept new customers by referral.

Also a reminder that “Japanese food” in America is not necessarily actual Japanese cuisine. In the same way, “Chinese food” in America isn’t necessarily actual Chinese cuisine either, nor is “Chinese food” in Japan.

Ever since that first day, Gaudy Piercings continued to sit near me. Apparently his real name was Umewaka. “Gaudy Piercings” is enough for the likes of him.

“Hey, hey, Kisshouin-san! Say, you guys at Zui’ran are all like, ‘Gokigen’yoh’ right? Say it to me too! ‘Gokigen’yoh’~”

Annoying.
Starting the next day I made sure to bring questions and textbooks to read during the breaks. Hopefully if I looked busy enough he wouldn’t talk to me.
Sure, my secondary goal in coming here was to make some friends but it definitely wasn’t going to be those guys.
I continued to concentrate on my questions.

“Woooow. You’re so serious about studying, Kisshouin-san. Oh, you got that one wrong.”

Tsk!

Soon enough it was lunch. The cram school had one after each morning lecture. Almost all of the students went out to buy something to eat. Apparently Gaudy Piercings and his buddies were going outside as well.
I had my own lunch though, prepared by a chef hired by my family.

“Whooooaaa! Kisshouin-san, did your bentou come from a ryoutei or something!?”

…I should have waited for them to leave before opening this. Today’s lunch was a well-balanced square bentou.

“Looks yuuum! Lemme have one?”

Hey cretin, do you really think I would? Let me tell you now that I’m stingy when it comes to food. Especially today. I actually wanted a little bit more than this but because of the diet thing I tried to cut down. You really think there’s enough for you as well?

“Umewaka~ It’s time for us to gooo!” pressed the girl with the short hair.

You hear that? It’s time for you to go.

“Ohh! Bye then, Kisshouin-san!”

Yes, yes, go, go. And don’t come back, either.

I immediately got started on enjoying my tiny, but delicious lunch. The boiled fish was delicious.

It went perfectly with my chilled gyokuro tea.

Gyokuro (Japanese: 玉露?, “jade dew”) is a type of shaded green tea from Japan. It differs from the standard sencha (a classic unshaded green tea) in being grown under the shade rather than the full sun.  Gyokuro is one of the most expensive types of sencha available in Japan.

Anyhow, once the break was over, it was back to concentrating on my studies.

My days at cram school were pretty much a repeat of that.

Until one day, disaster struck.

That Gaudy Piercings stole one of my chakinzushi!

“Whoooooooooooooa! This is suuuuper good! Kisshouin-san, don’t tell me your family actually owns a ryoutei!?”

Chakinzushi… Fresh ingredients mixed with vinegared rice, wrapped in a delicate layer of egg… and something that I only had two of… My chakinzushi…

“Mm? How come you’ve gone all still, Kisshouin-san? Did that maybe give you a shock? Don’t worry, I’ll treat you to lunch as an apology so come eat with us?”

I silently packed my things away, left my chair, and then left the classroom to make a call. My favourite man was busy right now, so I dialled my doormat backup.

“Take me to some good food right now!”

I jumped into a taxi and sped to my destination. Waiting excitedly for me at the company headquarters was my doormat tanuki.

“It makes me really happy that you’ve come to visit me. Come in, sit down!”

“Otousama, I only have an hour and a half. Let us hurry up and go somewhere!” I replied before dragging him by the arm.

“Ooh! Got it!”

After getting some quick directions from the secretary, we were exiting into the hallway when I bumped into my real man instead.

“Oh, Reika. Why are you here?” asked Oniisama.

“It seems Reika here wanted to have lunch with me. She came all the way here,” my father replied smugly.

I notice that he particularly emphasised “with me”.

Unfortunately for you, Otousama, you’re just a man of convenience. A foody call, if you will.

Regardless, Oniisama saw us out with a smile. But the whole time that doormat tanuki kept emphasising to all the employees we passed that I was a massive fathercon and saying, “My daughter just wouldn’t stop asking me to go out with her somewhere so I’ll be back after lunch.”

It felt a bit like a public execution. Damn tanuki.

Anyhow, Otousama took me to a high-class Chinese restaurant close by. It was multi-storied, had a nice view, and had private rooms as well, so you could eat in peace. Thanks to that it was popular.
I’m impressed that we even managed to get a reservation on such short notice. Impressed by Otousama’s secretary, that is.

“Don’t wait up, Reika. Eat as much as you want.”

So first I started with my favourites.

Chilli-fried prawns,

Ebi Chili (えびちり ebi chiri?) is a Japanese dish derived from Shanghai-style Szechuan cuisine. It consists of stir-fried shrimp in chilli sauce. It has a history in Japan.

shark-fin soup,

Shark fin soup (or shark’s fin soup) is a traditional soup or stewed item of Chinese cuisine and Vietnamese cuisine served at special occasions such as weddings and banquets, or as a luxury item in Chinese culture.

and scorched-rice with seafood.

Guoba is a Chinese food ingredient consisting of scorched rice. Guoba is also served in soups and stews and prominently featured in Szechuan cuisine. It is known as okoge in Japan.

Otousama had whole-boiled shark fin and Shanghai Mitten Crab fried rice.

Pretty extravagant for just a lunch, Otousama.

In the end we ordered some sides like dim sum as well, and it all became a little too much in terms of volume.
Today was special though. After all, tomorrow I was stuck fasting with Okaasama. It felt like I was having my last meal.

“How’s cram school, Reika?”

“I am giving my all.”

And I had better hurry up and finish this all before my lessons began again.
Speaking of which, I wonder if Otousama leaving so suddenly was a problem. It was worrying to think about. Then again, everybody we passed looked like super-elite professionals, so.

“Are you doing your job properly, Otousama?”

“What are you saying, Reika. Of course I am. Right, Sasajima?”

Incidentally, his secretary Sasajima-san was sitting at the table with us. At first they tried to decline because it was just lunch between father and daughter, but we ordered so much and I had to go soon too, so I asked them to help eat as a favour.

“Yes. The President is extremely busy each day.”

Well of course you’d say that, you’re his secretary. And also I note that “extremely busy” doesn’t necessarily mean “actually getting work done”.

“I hear that you have been training my brother since his days in school?”

“Yes. Takateru-san is truly outstanding. He is presently working with the sales department as well.”

I see. Oniisama did look busy. I wonder if he’s making sure to take lunch breaks.
We continued to talk about Oniisama for a while so Otousama began to sulk a bit. Wow, your immaturity is showing, Otousama.

Now stuffed with food, I thanked Sasajima-san for keeping the time for us and then left my seat. Otousama wanted me to stay a bit longer but I was going to run late for class at this rate.
Speaking of which, shouldn’t he be hurrying back to the company?
Farewell, Otousama! Even if you try to lure me with dessert it won’t work!

I just barely made it back in time for class so all the seats were pretty much taken. I ended up on one of the last chairs in the corner. Which happened to be far away from Gaudy Piercing & co. so I wasn’t unhappy about it. My stomach was unhappy though. I had to use my bag and scarf to hide my tummy from view.

*

The next day was fasting with Okaasama.
I imagined that we would be training on some dojo deep in the mountains or something but she brought me to a first-class hotel instead.
Apparently we were going to spend the next two days getting into jacuzzis, going to beauty salons, and taking walks in the hotel’s famed garden. “Fasting in style” in other words.

The other people were pretty much all Okaasama’s acquaintances; married women from the upper class. According to her she couldn’t turn down the invitation so she dragged me with her instead. Well yeah, I mean, Okaasama was completely skinny so I don’t suppose she would need to fast.
To think that maintaining a social life would even call on you to fast. Terrible.

After getting a private medical check, the hotel staff explained our itinerary to us. Apparently the hotel would provide water, tea, and rice congee, but we were free to eat out, and they had a pool and gym too.

The women all immediately chose to go to the beauty salon. I ended up going with them as Okaasama’s extra. One rotund older woman brought along a round ojousama. Her name was Narutomi Akimi, and she was 20. We were the only two young participants. Madam Narutomi said that she really hoped we would get along when she introduced us. Akimi-san kind of hid behind her mother with her head hanging.
Wow, kind of shy for somebody older than me. Come on, I won’t bite~

At that moment, Madam Kaburagi gallantly strode in. It was like the whole room started sparkling with her entrance.
That’s right. Apparently this hotel was owned by the Kaburagi group. Apparently she heard that we were participating so she came here to say hello.

Of all things, a Kaburagi hotel…

That was my first thought.

But then I realised that just by being here it was like broadcasting that I was in need of a diet…

Kaburagi couldn’t know. And I didn’t want that dandy Kaburagi Papa to know either.
I guess this is what you call a maiden’s heart.

After Mrs. Kaburagi finished her greetings she spotted me hiding away, so she walked over with a smile.

“Reika-san, I’m glad you’ve come! It’s going to be a difficult two days, but hang in there! I’m cheering for you.”

“Yes, thank you very much…”

Embarrassing. So embarrassing. It was like admitting that I was fat. I’m still in the skinny zone for BMI measurements, okay!
Also after she mentioned cheering for me all the other madams started paying more attention to me. I endured with a forced smile.

After that, Mrs. Kaburagi flashed everybody one last smile before leaving like the wind.

*

I suppose it’s time to check out our accommodations.

Even if you try to lure me with dessert it won’t work!

Incidentally it was a type of almond jelly called annin tofu.

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Evil God Average

Chapter 2 – Evil God Statue – Part 2

31 Comments

I have a bad habit of forgetting I’m meant to do something the moment the relevant Firefox tab closes.

Part 2 – The Evil God Statue Has Activated!

-clang clang clang-

The sound of nails being hammered, rang out through the vicinity.
Horizontal poles were being affixed atop stakes that stood at even intervals.
It was the fence being built around the Evil God Statue.

“Heeey! Bring that stake to your right a bit more.”

“Here?”

“That’s left.”

“So you mean your right!?”

I’m watching over the construction of the fence from where I’m sitting at the feet of the Evil God Statue.
I just thought that I should make sure everything goes right.

At first I was sitting on the pedestal it stood on, but it was a little bit too high for my feet to reach the ground, so I moved here instead.
Sitting on its toes brings me to just the right height for my feet to touch the pedestal.
To be honest, I think I should be helping out with something, but I would just be underestimating it and getting in the way. Not only that, the Pope told me to just sit and watch too, so that’s why I’m contenting myself to observation.

Yup. Observation.
I’m definitely not just spacing out, okay?
Although I’m really just sitting here, not even saying anything.

Anyway, with this fence in place, at least people won’t be able to look up its skirt. Since that’s the case, I’ll just bear with people praying to it.
To be honest, it’s still really embarrassing, which is why I didn’t want it built in the first place, but there’s not much I can do about it now short of destroying it.

“Phew. I guess we’re about ninety percent done?”

“Sounds about right. Just a little more to go.”

“Alright. Let’s finish the last bit in one go.”

“Yeah.”

But man. What great weather.
The sunlight is warm. There’s a gentle breeze. It’s just all so nice that I’m getting kinda sleep-… Whoa, not good, not good. I almost dozed off.
Even if I’m not doing anything, it’d still be rude to sleep in front of people labouring away.
But telling me not to take an afternoon nap on such a nice day feels basically like torture.

Listening to the rhythmic hammering made me sleepy again.
And a voice began to whisper in my head that nobody would know even if I slept with this mask on.

A vicious battle between willpower and sleepiness unfolded in my mind.

*–…*

*–…*

*–…*

*–…*

*–…*

『Evil God Statue has been granted divine protection.』

*–…*

*–…*

*–…*

*–…*

*–…*

*–…*

!?

The sudden voice caused me to awaken with a start.

…Oh crap… I’ve really done it now…
Because of the time that passed as I slept, apparently I went and invoked my divine enchantment skill.

When I looked up, I found a dark cloud enveloping the giant statue.
I decided to evacuate from my position before the darkness reached its feet too.

“? Oi, what the heck is…?”

“Mn? Wha-, oi, oi.”

“There’s something black around the statue of Anri-sama…”

“What the heck is…?”

Perhaps they noticed something was wrong because the labourers all stopped their work to look up.
And while all of them gazed at the statue, the shadow began to fade away.
And when it vanished, what remained was the same Evil God Statue as before. The only difference was that it was now jet black.
And also, looking carefully, there was now an “S” shape carved into its forehead, just like on Tena’s head.
But well, there didn’t seem to be anything too different?

No, no, I can’t let my guard down.

Considering my past experiences with this skill, it wouldn’t be strange even if it had some new effect of spreading miasma, or scaring people witless just by looking at it.

After I came to that conclusion, I turned to look at the workers.
But although they were all standing still, there didn’t seem to be anything wrong with them.

Was it just a needless worry? …Just as I breathed a sigh of relief, my vision suddenly went dark.

“………?”

But when I looked more carefully, the area a bit further away was sunny as usual.

“………???”

Wondering what was up, I looked up again to find a giant clump of metal slowly… SWINGING TOWARDS ME!? UWAH!?

Diving to the side in panic, I managed to escape the clump by a hair’s breadth.
No sooner had I done so, that metal lump… or rather, the Evil God Statue’s right foot, came rumbling down on the pedestal. It happened so violently that cracks ran through it like a spiderweb.

Oh crap, oh crap. I almost got turned into a pancake.

But the situation didn’t end there.
This time it was the left leg that rose up, and stepped down onto the ground itself. The whole thing was so heavy that even the metal pedestal was cracked, so this time the foot sank into the ground and caused a tremor to spread beneath our feet.

“………You’re kidding.”

With my butt still on the pedestal, I looked up in a daze at the giant me statue and finally understood what was going on.

That massive Evil God Statue (E.G.S.) had started to walk.

The situation had far exceeded just a statue that caused fear or miasma. What was happening was just way too insane.
But unfortunately it didn’t stop at just two steps, and continued walking ahead.

“R-, RUN FOR IT!”

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?”

“JUST RUN! YOU’LL GET SQUASHED!”

“UWAAHHHHHHHH!?”

I’m not sure if they understood what was happening, but the frozen workers all dashed away madly.
Only a few seconds later, one corner of the fence had been crushed flat by the E.G.S..
Having said that though, it didn’t seem to be doing it on purpose, and all this was probably just a result of it trying to move forward.
The reason I almost got crushed earlier was probably just because I was standing on the pedestal.

As for how on earth it was moving, I still had no idea. The only visible change was its colour, so it shouldn’t have had any joints.
But that wasn’t even my biggest concern.
The biggest concern was obviously that a massive statue the height of a five story temple was walking about.

And walking without stopping at all.

At this rate, this thing was going to walk right out of the country. And I couldn’t even imagine much trouble I’d be in if that happened.
But I didn’t have any way to stop it either.

“OOH!? Anri-sama! Where are you going!?”

Nowhere, okay?
To begin with, that’s not even me.

I wanted to hit this idiot Pope over the head after he started screaming nonsense at the statue, but I endured the urge and walked up to him to tug at his sleeve.

“Anri-sama?”

He turned around and then tilted his head in confusion.
But this wasn’t the time to nitpick at details.
I cut straight to the point.

“Please have somebody chase after that statue.”

“Understood.”

In order to form a plan to stop it later, I need to know where it’s going, and what it’s going to do.
If we lose track of where it is, it’s going to become far harder to deal with it.
Although the Pope had been excited by the moving E.G.S., my serious tone caused him to gasp and change his attitude.
It seems that he understood that I was panicked.
And in order to determine its destination, he quickly had the people around prepare to chase after it.

“I have sent a number of people to chase after the Divine Statue, so I expect a report will come to us shortly. Please stay in the Temple, Anri-sama.”

“Thanks.”

But although I thanked him, I continued to stare anxiously at the E.G.S., which had now gotten so far away that only the head remained visible.

What’s going to happen…

And although I wanted to hold my head in terror at how dark my future was looking, all I could do was continue to watch as it left.

 

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Evil God Average

Chapter 2 – Evil God Statue – Part 1

20 Comments

You can thank Xiaoxiao Novels for reminding me that I still had work to do… and stuff to publish.

Whoops.

Part 1 – A Dangerous Evil God Statue

This is a story that takes place while the Black Rose Mansion was still being built.

*妹*

◆　　◆　　◆

*妹*

One day, the Pope called me out to the side of the Evil God Temple.
In other words… where a certain massive statue was being built. A massive statue that boasted the same five-story height as the temple, and that happened to look just like me.
Right now it was being completely covered in cloth so you couldn’t see inside, but once you removed the cloth, there’s a good chance its dignity could even be seen from town.

…This guy just stirs up trouble.

“Well then, Anri-sama. Please have a look at the completed statue,” said the Pope in gorgeous priests clothes, as he gripped the corner of the cloth with one hand.
The reason I was called out here today was because he wanted me to be the first to see it finished.
To be honest, I get the feeling that it should be the divine “me” that was called out here, but I guess I’m here as the representative since it would be insane to call out a god.
Really, I wanted to run, but since I owed him a favour for helping me with the house, I really couldn’t refuse. That’s why, unwilling though I was, I forced myself to come.

“Now then, I shall unveil the cloth! This is the moment that the world will fall on its knees to the glory of our god’s divine form!”

Nobody is kneeling to anything.
I couldn’t help but comment in my mind, but the Pope proudly unveiled it all the same. The white cloth fluttered in the air and exposed the giant statue to the light of day.

On a pedestal of about a metre tall stood a collossal bronze figure.
The form of the deity worshipped in this nation――in other words, me――stood as a massive bronze statue, reproduced so faithfully that an observer could see glimpses of the obsession that went into its creation.
The figure was wearing the same black death rose dress that I was still wearing, and it was so realistic to behold that it seemed like not even a crease had been overlooked.

…And it was extremely embarrassing. Thank goodness I wore a mask.

“How is it, Anri-sama?”

I found the Pope staring my way with sparkling eyes.
I know that he really wants to know. After all, he’s the one who came up with the thing. But his enthusiasm is really troubling.
I could feel my face cramping up, but at the very least I couldn’t find fault with the statue itself.
It was actually so flawless that I found myself wishing he would direct his talents somewhere less useless.
What’s worse was that he was managing the country properly, so it made it all the harder to complain about this.

But well, since it really was well done, I decided to give him a reply… or so I was thinking, when I suddenly noticed one problem.

“? Anri-sama? Is something the matter?”

“There’s something I wanna check.”

“?”

The Pope stared at me in confusion, but I ignored him and approached the statue.

What I wanted to check was none other than the dress that this statue, this Evil God Statue, was wearing. Ah, but I don’t mean that the dress itself looked wrong.
The problem went the other way.
I was worried because it was so similar to my real one.

The black death rose dress that I was wearing was sleeveless and jet black, with a rose pattern at its breast.
It was originally a normal dress, but my divine protection dyed it black.
Naturally its defensive power and resistances increased by shocking amounts too, but there was one last thing that changed about it.

What was dangerous about it, was the design.

There was a pretty deep slit cut into the skirt portion of the dress, and you could see my legs peeping through it. If I wasn’t careful, you’d get a shot of my panties too.
And because of that same divine protection, even my underwear had changed to something dangerous.
So dangerous that parts underwear were made to cover were laid bare instead. Definitely not something I could ever let people see.

And so, you can see what I was worried about.
The dress was perfectly replicated, and the slit was alive and well.
Since it’s a statue I’m not really sure if it counts as showing skin, but the point was that you could definitely see its legs.

Well, that much could still be considered tame.
I mean, it’s not as tame as I’d like, but let’s leave that for now.

The real problem was what lay above it.
It can’t be that he actually replicated even my underwear, right? If he did, the problem would change to how on earth he saw it, but anyway, the point is, looking at the way the statue was made, you would expect the underwear to be done too.

Feeling equal parts anxiety and curiosity, I walked up to its feet and looked right up.
Looking up at it like this really drove in how huge it was.
Because of how big just everything about it was, you could even climb in through the slit.

Uh, no? I won’t though.

Only, even if you didn’t climb in, as long as you stood right next to it, it was a simply matter to peer in.

…Uwah.

What filled my vision as I looked upwards was a completely realistic upskirt. And although they were different to what I had on, the panties were still incredibly risqué.
What on earth was he thinking when he decided to have the Evil God Statue wear these? I honestly wanted to question “Why! Why! Why!” at him for an hour.
But well, it was obvious that whatever answer he gave would just confuse me more, so I decided I didn’t want to ask after all.

But wow, there weren’t any people here right now, so it was all well and good, but did this mean heaps of people were going to see this?
That was a bit of a… or rather, a huge embarrassment.
I mean, it was just a statue so it wasn’t like they were actually looking up my skirt.
I knew that.
I knew that, but it was just so realistic that it felt like my upskirt was being displayed to the world.

“Is there anything wrong with it?”

“…………”

I couldn’t help but stare when he asked me that again.
But as usual, he showed no signs of flinching from my mystic eyes. Not only that, he didn’t even seem to question my resentful gaze, and simply tilted his head in confusion.

Damned pervert.

But well, even if I call him that, he didn’t see me as a woman at all.
It’s kinda rough to say this about myself, but I already knew that I had turned into a being way beyond that to him.
You could say that the way he saw me was as safe as things got.
But that just made it completely puzzling that he would choose such a thing. It was a bit scary to ask, but I couldn’t help myself.

“Why, did you choose this kind of underwear?”

“Huh? Underwear… you ask?”

I asked him without beating around the bush, and after giving me a blank look, he replied,

“Naturally I could not ask you to model for it yourself, Anri-sama…”

Well yeah. Modelling is a pain, and even if I did do it, there’s no way I’d let you peek up my skirt.

“And so because it could not be helped, I consulted your esteemed friend, Leonora-sama, on what kind of design would be best.”

LEONORAAAAAAAAAAAAA!?

What on earth have you done.
No, I mean, it’s true that my underwear is outrageous, and she knows that too. So well, maybe you could say that she was already picking a modest design for me, but to begin with it’s not like I wear these types of things because I want to, and she should know that too!
Could it be that this is revenge because I forgot to dispel the cursed Tena doll…?
Ah, I mean, well, I do feel sorry about that, but…

“Is there some problem about the design of the underwear?”

“…It’s embarrassing to have people see.”

“Hah…”

I meant to object, but considering his half-hearted reply, I wasn’t sure if I got the point across.

“It is my humble opinion that there is nothing to be embarrassed about at all, but may I ask what the problem is?”

Considering his serious expression, apparently he wasn’t kidding.
I guess he really didn’t see me as a woman.
But if I didn’t make myself extremely clear, statue or not, there was a good chance that I was going to suffer the torture of having a giant upskirt view of me displayed to the masses.
But it was already completed, so it would probably be difficult to close up the slit, or build a more modest statue.
So at the very least, I wanted to avoid people peeking in from up close.

“I don’t want people too close to it.”

“!? I see. You certainly are an esteemed personage. It would not do to have people come too close.”

That wasn’t exactly what I meant, but well, good enough.

“Build a fence around the thing, and please don’t let people near its feet.”

“I understand. I shall immediately set out to do so.”

“Please.”

With that, the Pope bowed reverently to me, before hurriedly running off somewhere.
Anyway, with a fence in place, at least they wouldn’t be looking straight up at it. I guess that’s good enough.
But hm, since I may as well, perhaps I should make sure he builds it right.

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Kenkyo Kenjitsu

Reika-sama – 088

79 Comments

Everybody, please check the FAQ first before asking me questions.
If it’s not on there, please feel free and ask. I only get annoyed at questions when the same one has been asked 10+ times, and by then I’ll have updated the FAQ. Thank you for your consideration, guys!

Join the Evil God Army on discord!
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The joke is that it took me over a month to release this because I finished it two weeks ago but then went to sleep and forgot I ever did it! HA HA HA!

Are you guys laughing too?

The results for the finals were out. Naturally my name was nowhere to be seen.
The top-three were the same as ever. Kaburagi, Enjou, and Wakaba-chan in that order. Wakaba-chan really is such a smart cookie. You’re amazing, Wakaba-chan~ This is going to make some people really unhappy though…
Oh! And Fellow Stalking-Horse dropped to 7th! Are you being a little careless about your studies, my comrade?! I’m not that smart so it’s up to you to drag up the Stalking Horses, okay? You’re the hope of our village. As candidate for next village head, you need to make us proud.
Anyhow, I ended up at rank 86. Uguh, it’s so bad that I can’t even talk about it! At this rate I might actually end up in the triple digits. Better take the summer studies seriously. Studying, dieting, spiritual training… This summer is going to be busy.

“Hey,” Kikuno suddenly said. “How about we all go somewhere together this summer?”

Ehhhh! An outing with friends! That sounds wonderful!

“Do you think we’ll be able to book anything in time?”

“My, what if you simply came to my family’s villa?”

The girls began kicking up an excited fuss.
Since we basically all have villas, they started discussing which one we were going to use. I’d better ask my family as well.
I mean, I’m assuming that I’m included of course. I am, right? Right? I mean, I’ve got a villa too, so let me into the conversation?

***

On the last Sunday before the summer break officially began, Sakura-chan and I went to do that Zazen meditation I mentioned.
First the Zen Master taught us how to sit and meditate properly, and then had us enter the temple. I was happy to find that it was cool inside. I don’t think I would have been able to meditate if it was humid.
I couldn’t manage the full lotus position so I sat down in the half-lotus instead, and half-closed my eyes. Focus. Control your breathing. Control your heart.
I mean the breathing part is fine and all but controlling my mind~? Weird thoughts kinda keep popping up.
Or so I thought, but with the room so quiet my mind started to calm down. My heart quieted down, and my eyes began to close.
Ah-, Zen Master-san suddenly stood behind me. Could he tell I was falling asleep? I leant to the left so that he could tap my shoulder with his stick. It hurt less than I’d expected. Was he holding back because I was a frail girl? But thanks to that I was getting sleepy again…

-smack-

By the end of it I was so drowsy that my body was swaying all over the place. I can’t even remember if he hit me again.

After a thirty minute session of that, we had some tea and then the Zen Master gave us a sermon. Then it was onto rewriting sutras. Wow, I thought it was just going to be the meditation.
I placed the paper on top of the original and then began to trace it. Oh. This was easier than I thought. I used to do the same thing for writing practice as a child.
Turns out it wasn’t that easy. Zen Master-san told us that by tracing this our hearts would be revealed. I looked at Sakura-chan’s perfect kanji, and then looked at some of the weird squiggles on mine. I’ll bet this one over here happened while I was thinking about the Japanese-style café we’d be going to after. My mind really is filled to the brim with worldly desires, isn’t it.
After submitting our copies to the temple, our day at the temple was brought to a close.

“Reika. You didn’t learn a thing, did you,” said Sakura-chan, the very moment we reached the café. Oh. I had originally planned to reflect during the training, hadn’t I.

“Seriously, because of all the smacking sounds coming from the side I could barely concentrate myself. And I swear you started rocking back and forth near the end too…”

“That was a test of your heart and spirit, Sakura-chan. If something so little can sway you from the Path then I don’t know what to say to you.”

“…He should have smacked you with a real cane instead.”

I was just reciting what the Zen Master had said. And a real cane would have actually hurt.

“And today was so easy because I deliberately chose a mellow place for you, okay. Had we gone to one of the hardcore places you’d be tenderised steak right now.”

“Ehh~ But you got hit too.”

“I asked him to.”

Wow, you’re amazing.

“Well? Did you reflect at all…?”

She sighed as I stared at the sweets menu.

“Guess not, huh.”

You’re wrong. I was just looking, that’s all. I wasn’t planning on eating at all, I swear.

“Ahh~ Nirvana isn’t such an easy place to get into, you know~”

“I hope you fall onto the path of the chubster.”

Stop that. Don’t you remember what Mr. Zen Master said? Words have power so you shouldn’t say cruel things to others, remember? How are you going to take responsibility if I really turn into a fatty?

“Look, you really need to start exercising, Reika. How about that hot yoga stuff, or maybe aerial yoga?”

“You sure do love yoga, Sakura-chan.”

I’ve been doing my best with sit-ups and hula hoops, and I can just do yoga at home. If I’m going to go out of my way then maybe some other sport would be better.
Anyhow, I somehow managed to restrain myself from ordering one of the Japanese-styled sweets and forced myself to settle with a cold matcha drink instead.
When I don’t eat my tummy shrinks. But it swells again the moment I do. Geez, this is why it’s so easy to get careless~ It feels like I’ll lose weight as soon as I start eating less.
But I was determined to stick to my guns this time. That time with the pregnancy misunderstanding was a huge shock. I was actually still pretty depressed about it.
I sealed away the dress from that day too. It had to be part of the problem.
And when I sit down my flab comes out, so I was sitting with my stomach clenched at all times.

“Say, Sakura-chan? Do I look too old?”

“Huh? No? Your face has been getting rounder these days so if anything you look awfully young. Don’t worry about it.”

So my face has been getting rounder…

***

Today was the first day of my summer cram school.
And wow, was this on a different scale to my middle school one.
We were allowed to sit wherever so I picked a middle seat, a bit further back than average.
I wonder if there are any Zui’ran kids. Hmmm. Everybody looks so smart.

While I was looking around, a group of boys and girls took the seats next to me. They all seemed to be friends. Whoaa… What is this feeling unbelievable sense of isolation.
The bag of the boy next to me steadily encroached on my territory. But he had his back to me and was completely focused on the conversation with his friends. Why am I feeling so ignored.
Oh no. The trauma from my remedials…
Just as I was moping, the boy suddenly laughed like crazy and smacked me with his hand. Ow…

“Ah, soz.”

“…It is fine.”

More importantly, I’d appreciate it if you noticed your bag as well.

“Whoa! This chick is like a total rich girl ojousama!”

“And her hair is done up so neatly~”

Urgh.

“Hey, hey, what school you go to?” asked the boy behind me.

And he had a bunch of earrings too. So gaudy.

“…I attend Zui’ran.”

“Whooooooooa! Suiraaan! Total rich girlll!”

I don’t know what was so interesting about it but they all seemed really intrigued.
And although the girls had smiles on their faces, I could see them secretly appraising me. Scary…

“Hey, so what’s your name?”

“…My name is Kisshouin Reika.”

“Even your name sounds rich! Dooope!”

…What the hell.
…I picked completely the wrong seat.
No, I picked completely the wrong cram school.
This has got to be the first time I’ve ever been treated so carelessly in all my time as Kisshouin Reika.
This has got to be the worst treatment I’ve had short of that pregnancy incident. I have complete confidence that if I drew a fortune right now it would say “Huge Curse”.

“C’mon, cut that out. You’re troubling the poor girl. The ojousama of Zui’ran are just totally different from us, you know?” said one of the guys next to Gaudy Piercings.

The girls started staying stuff like “Yeah, guys~ Cut it out~” as well.

Hmph! As if anybody thinks you mean it!

I played up my indifference and began looking through my coursework. It was time to make use of the mindset I cultivated at the temple!
But despite my best efforts, the idiot behind me wouldn’t stop pulling and playing with my hair! My hair of all things! Had we been born an era earlier I’d imprison you in the goddamned Bastille for that!
And who the heck pulls on a girl’s hair! Are you actually a high schooler? Are you actually?
The final straw was the fact that when class actually started all of the idiots around me turned out to be way smarter than I was.

***

That’s it. The moment I get home I’m performing a salt-exorcism on all four sides of my room.

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Tilea

Turf War – Chapter 16

38 Comments

Everybody, please check the FAQ first before asking me questions.
If it’s not on there, please feel free and ask. I only get annoyed at questions when the same one has been asked 10+ times, and by then I’ll have updated the FAQ.
Thank you for your consideration, guys!

Join the Evil God Army on discord!
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Chapter 16 – The Fiend’s True Colours – “Wow, I’m feeling so worn out.”

“Tiiiiimu!”

I ran through the streets shouting my beloved sister’s name.

The Fiend was coming!

I sprinted with all my might to save Timu from being a meat slave.

I was heading straight for the Academy. My surroundings turned into a blur as I ran.

Yaaah! I’ll break Mach 1 if I have to!

I arrived at the Academy in no time. It felt incredibly fast even for myself. Did I just teleport? I think I might have broken a record. I could probably make nationals.

Now that I was here, I had a look around. The other students seemed to be on the way home. I found myself in the midst of cheerful students.

But where was Timu?

I continued searching the academy grounds but I couldn’t find her anywhere. Could she already have gone home? Did I pass her on the way here…?

I decided to ask somebody about it.

“U-Um, excuse me?” I called out to a sweet-looking girl in a ponytail.

“Is something the matter?”

“I’m looking for my sister. Do you know a girl called Timu?”

“Hmmm. I wish I could help you but with just a name… There are thousands of other students…”

“Ah, then I’ll describe her. She’s a cute girl about this tall, with red eyes and silver hair――”

“Hiie! S-Silver hair!? D-Don’t tell me, C-Camilla-sama…?”

Hu-, Huuuh? How did silver hair turn into “Camilla”?

Wai-! D-, Don’t tell me!

“S-Saaay, is that silver-haired girl forcing people to call her Camilla?”

“Y-, Yes. By now everybody at school knows. At first people thought she was an oddball for trying to use the name of that legendary demon. But gradually the students, and even the teachers began to acknowledge Camilla-sama…”

“O-, Oh my god…”

“Ah!? P-Please don’t misunderstand! I-I’m not trying to talk bad about C-Camilla-sama at all! F-Forgive meeeeee!” screamed the girl as she dashed off.

“Ah-, wai-, hey-, aah geez…”

Well, I already pretty much knew what was going on.

Timu, you…

You’ve really done it now…

Timu was going around introducing herself as Demon Camilla. She’s a chuunibyou so of course she was. Normally nobody with a lick of common sense would let that pass.

But right now Timu’s homeroom teacher was Edim’s kin(Jayjay). I can see it now. Timu ⇒ Edim ⇒ Jayjay

Ah, god, that idiot! At this rate your graduation certificate is going to say Camilla as well, you know!

You might be happy with that now but you’ll regret it in the future! You’ll regret it so badly that you can’t help but squirm on your bed, okay!

Oh goodness, another thing to worry about. But I could deal with that later. Right now I had to deal with the Fiend first.

I continued searching the campus for a while but there was still no sign of Timu. Her bag wasn’t in her classroom either, so I was starting to think she wasn’t here.

Did we really pass each other by?

I decided to try searching the way home, this time taking shortcuts and detours into account as well…

Before long I spotted two girls walking down a narrow lane. One of them had glittering silver hair! Timu!

T-Thank goodness. I made it in time before she bumped into the Fiend.

I approached the pair with a smile on my face.

Timu seemed to be getting along with the brown-haired girl next to her. Looking carefully, the brown-haired girl was Edim, and she was carrying Timu’s bag――――wai-, Timu! You’re making your friend carry your stuff?

Speaking of which, it feels like Edim is always carrying her bag. Ah, geez. Edim is a nice girl so I don’t think she cares but if you stay so overbearing you’ll lose all your friends, Timu. I’d better have a long talk about this as well.

But first…

“Timu.”

“Why if it isn’t Oneesama!” she said with a bright smile.

My sister really is adorable. I can’t let the Fiend hurt this smile.

“Timu, it’s a bit sudden but you can’t go home. The Fiend might attack you.”

“Oneesama, what might this “fiend” be…?”

“It’s Or. He’s been playing the nice guy all while planning to trap us!”

“Wha-!? Damned Ortissio again!?”

Timu seemed shocked. Yeah. I was shocked too. Ortissio, the scion of a major noble family. A bourgeois just like the Fiend. A wolf in lamb’s skin just waiting to turns us sisters into meat slaves.

“It’s hard to believe, right?”

“Unforgivable! Damned Ortissio! Give him an inch and he takes a mile!” shouted Timu.

“O-Ortissio-sama was planning a rebellion…?”

Edim seemed to have trouble believing it as well. Yeah. If Mum hadn’t told me I’d have never noticed either. Oh no! Mum! I left her with the Fiend! Oh no. I told her not to talk to him but what if in her worry for us she tries to do it anyway. I have to get back!

“That’s how it is, so you need to find somewhere to hide, Timu. I’ll head back now and――”

“No, dealing with my failure of a kin is my responsibility. Damned Ortissio’s head is mine.”

“You can’t, Timu. What if he attacks you!”

“O-Oneesama, that is too much! Are you saying I would lose to the likes of Ortissio?”

“No, no, I mean――”

He’s a Fiend, right? He’s a noble just like the Fiend!

Just because he can’t do push-ups doesn’t mean…

And just because he comes sobbing to me when everyone picks on him doesn’t mean…

And just because he’s calcium deficient and he tearfully drinks the milk I force on him every day doesn’t mean…

……

…………

………………

Huh? Why the hell was I so scared of Ortissio again? Ortissio as the Fiend? Whoawhoawhoa, hold your horses!

The actual Fiend that Mum talked about might be a terrifying guy but that has nothing to do with Or, right? The Fiend wasn’t just some noble. He was also a terrifying magician and he used that to terrorise others as well. The only thing he has in common with Or is being a noble. Wow, I’ve been a massive idiot.

Hiding from Or?

Being afraid of Or?

Wow, what the hell. I could take Or down with one punch. Plus, I’ve even got Edim and Myuu if it comes down to a fight. Plus, Edim has her happy(?) group of kin as well. They could probably even hold off a whole army for five minutes.

Wow. Thanks to Mum I got a bit too panicked there.

“Oneesama, let us immediately bring down the iron hammer of justice upon that traitor!”

Uh oh. Timu looks really serious. Or already has a prior history of rebellion. Timu might really murder Or with her Magical Bullets at this rate. Now that she’s improved her skills at the Academy I can really see it happening.

“Ah~ Calm down, Timu. If you use all your power you might really kill Or.”

“Oneesama, even three tenths of my power would be enough to slay the likes of Ortissio.”

“R-, Right… With how powerful you are these days, I’ll bet you could even kill him with a tenth of your power.”

“A tenth… Hmmm, that might be difficult even for me. Even with all his flaws Ortissio is still my kin. If you wish for me to kill him with a tenth of my power then I must formulate a strategy.”

“U-, Ummm, Timu, that’s not what I――”

“Huhu, please leave it to me. Since you asked, Oneesama, I shall not disappoint. I shall show you how I slay Ortissio with just one tenth of my power.”

Oh boy. Why are chuunibyou so hard to talk to. She’s really going to fire magical bullets at Or now. Oh geez, I might not be worried for her safety now but I’ve got a possible murder to deal with instead.

“Timu! Listen to me!”

“Understood.”

“You know, your Oneechan just kind of made a mistake. Looks like Or wasn’t actually planning anything too bad.”

“In other words, Ortissio has done no wrong?”

“Right, right! Exactly. So let’s not do anything violent, okay?”

“You are mistaken, Oneesama.”

“Eh!? How come?”

“Even if Ortissio was truly not planning anything, the moment you suspected him of treachery was enough to show how shallow his loyalty was. He must be punished.”

“Um, isn’t that a little too strict on him?”

“Huhu, Oneesama, that cur already has a previous conviction. Even if you forgive him, I cannot accept any mongrels that defy my beloved sister.”

Whoa, Timu seems really angry. I might have made a mess of things. Let’s try and reverse the positions. Somebody tried to attack Timu. Since Timu forgave him, I somehow held back my anger. Then Timu told me that the bastard was thinking of trying something again. Yep. I’d kill him too. Actually, I’d have killed him on his first try.

Well, I can understand where she’s coming from now. Still, I can’t just let her be a criminal. Also I’m feeling really sorry for Or again. Even though he always follows her around, going “Camilla-sama, Camilla-sama”…

Although recently there’s been a lot of “Tilea-sama, Tilea-sama” as well…

It’d be too pitiful to let Timu beat him up. What the!? Could this be my maternal instincts surfacing!? Anyway, maybe I’ll try getting Edim to help.

“Or hasn’t even done anything and we’re going to punish him. Edim, don’t you think it’s a bit much as well?”

“I shall abide by Camilla-sama.”

“I know that you like Timu but please abide by me this time.”

“Eh-!? B-But, but I…”

“Edim, you can’t always just be following Timu. What do you think this time?” I continued.

“Edim, Oneesama has given an order. I will allow it. Speak your mind,” added Timu.

“I-, I understand. Let me see. I have not personally seen any signs of Ortissio-sama plotting rebellion. However, it is a fact that Tilea-sama has suspected him of it. I believe that he must be punished, but perhaps the death sentence is going too far.”

“Edim, are you saying you want to forgive that Ortissio!”

“H-Hiie! M-My deepest apologies. I-I was simply…”

“Simply what! It’s unthinkable that you would feel that way if you had any loyalty towards Oneesama!”

“That’s enough, Timu. Edim was just speaking her mind.”

“H-, However, Oneesama…”

“Anyway, just leave Ortissio to me. This is an executive order.”

“An executive order!? I-, I understand. If that is the case then I have nothing left to say. However, when you execute him, please allow me to be the executioner.”

Haha, wow, this ‘executive order’ thing is convenient as always. Why are chuunibyou so weak to words like this. It’s not like I use it all the time but it’s stopped a few of Timu’s rampages before. Anyway, I’ve forced Timu to accept. All that’s left is to solve the misunderstanding with Mum.

Along the way Edim headed off to her dorm, so it was just Timu and I when we arrived at the store.

“Mum, we really need to have a talk――”

“Tilea!?”

“Yup, it’s me, Tilea. What’s wrong, Mum? Is everything okay?”

“Don’t come inside!”

Heh!? How come?

I entered the restaurant to find chaos.

W-What the heck is going on!?

Mum was trying to stab Or.

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Tilea

Turf War – Chapter 15

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Everybody, please check the FAQ first before asking me questions.
If it’s not on there, please feel free and ask. I only get annoyed at questions when the same one has been asked 10+ times, and by then I’ll have updated the FAQ.
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Might want to have a read of Volume 1, Chapter 31 first: https://oniichanyamete.wordpress.com/2015/10/02/tileas-worries-chapter-31/

Chapter 15 – Sera vs Ortissio the Fiend!?

“Niel, stoppu! Y-You two, stand by outside!”

“”As you will!””

The two of them did as my daughter asked and left the room. Nielsen is one thing, but Ortissio the noble listened as well. Was he trying to play up his harmlessness? Or did he have some other scheme?

Wait, hang on. More importantly…

…Tilea, weren’t you supposed to let me meet him?

“Tilea, why did you tell the two of them to wait outside?”

“Be-, B-Because I’m not mentally prepared yet…”

I looked up to find my daughter shaking pitifully, pacing about the room.

“Calm down a little.”

“Mum, w-w-w-what do we do? We’re going to be turned into meat slaves!”

Oh dear. Did I scare her a little too much? Tilea was too trusting in Ortissio so I brought up the Fiend as a bit of a warning, but…

I suppose it was a little too effective. I could pick out “The Fiend is-! The Fiend is-!” and “Anything but a meat slave!” amongst my daughter’s ramblings in the background. I couldn’t exactly talk to Ortissio with Tilea like this.

Certainly, Ortissio isn’t trustworthy. It’s more than possible that he’s using all this money to deceive my daughter. Tilea is silly but cute, so perhaps he intends to bind her with debts to satiate his lust. I need to find out what he wants. And for that to happen I need Tilea to calm down.

Gosh, why did I not see this coming. My daughter has always had the terrible habit of fixating on an idea once it gets into her head. Once she’s afraid of something she’ll believe it until the end.

“Just calm down, Tilea.”

“Oh no, the Fiend. The Fiend is coming. The calcium deficient Fiend is cominggg!”

It’s no use. She’s not listening at all. Also what on earth does she mean by “kalsiyum deficient”?

Sometimes my daughter will mutter made-up words. When she was young my husband and I had suspected that it was some illness of the mind so we invited a physician to have a look at her. When his prognosis was, “She’s not ill. That’s just her personality,” I was relieved but also incredibly sad for some reason. Well, these days I’ve come to find her silliness quite endearing though.

At any rate, I need to calm her down!

I held Tilea firmly by the shoulders and looked straight into her eyes.

“Tilea!”

Oh, that seemed to work. Tilea stopped muttering and grasped onto my hands.

“Ah… M-, Mum… W-What do we do…?”

“Leave the talking to your Mum. There’s nothing for you to worry about,” I said as I gripped her trembling hands back.

“B-But, he’s a powerful noble just like that Fiend that eats women.”

“It’s going to be okay. Your mother is actually quite good at negotiating these days. I won’t let him push me around.”

“R-, Really?”

“Yeah. So you wait outside for a little while, okay?”

Having you here might cause all kinds of problems.

“B-But I can’t just leave you alone, Mum. I’ll stay.”

Tilea’s legs were still shaking. She must have been terrified. But she still managed to muster her bravery for her mother. She really is such a sweet child. I can’t let anything happen to her.

“I’ll be fine, Tilea. Besides, isn’t Timu coming home from school soon?”

“Oh no! At this rate she’ll bump into the Fiend(Or)!”

“Right? So I want you to pick her up for me.”

“B-But…”

“You’re an older sister, Tilea. Don’t cut corners and take care of your sister!”

“You’re right! I’ll find her and we’ll be back in no time. Mum, you can’t be alone with him.”

“Yes, yes.”

“I’ll be back really soon, okay?”

With that, Tilea rushed outside.

Sorry, Tilea. I really hate abusing your concern for Timu like this but I really need you away from here.

Alright then. Time to negotiate.

I clapped my cheeks to wake myself up, and then went to talk to the two men still standing outside.

“Ortissio-san, Nielsen-san, please come in.”

“However, Tilea-sama ordered us to stand by…”

“My daughter has left on an urgent errand.”

“I see. Then we shall stand by until she returns.”

Wai-, Nielsen-san, aren’t you taking this a little too seriously? If Tilea tells you to wait here will you stand here until the next morning!?

Goodness, Nielsen-san is the same as ever. Always following my daughter’s words to the letter. Even when those words are completely ridiculous. I don’t know if it’s because they help him at work but he never treats himself as their equal. Honestly, I don’t know if I should praise him for his earnestness or…

“Nielsen-san, Tilea said that you don’t need to stand by any more.”

“Then I shall stand by until Tilea-sama returns to confirm my orders.”

Oh my goodness, this man is too inflexible. What kind of adult are you if you’ll treat a child’s babble as law!

“Um, did my daughter not tell you about how I wanted to speak with Ortissio-san?”

“She did indeed tell me.”

“Then, if possible I’d like to have a chat with him while we wait for my daughter, but…”

“However, Tilea-sama ordered us to stand by…”

He’s still undecided. Sigh. When Nielsen-san is being stubborn like this nothing I say makes a difference. What do I usually do to get around this. Oh right, “A Secret Mission From Tilea”. I’m going to have to use that word again, aren’t I.

“Nielsen-san, my daughter wanted us to finish our discussion before she arrived home. She said that this was an… executive order.”

Silence reigned.

And then…

“I see. Then please excuse me.”

Finally.

Hahh, I’m starting to really see what Tilea means about this man. I’ll bet it’s this personality of his that kept him unemployed for so long.

I let out another sigh as he headed inside. Following behind him was a young man of perhaps thirty. His face was ordinary and unremarkable. I supposed that this was Ortissio.

Get your game face on, Sera. You’re used to dealing with these nobles. Make sure to protect your daughters!

Just as I was firing myself up…

“Greetings. My name is Ortissio Bo Bach. It is my humble pleasure to make your acquaintance, Sera-sama,” said the man, before immediately prostrating himself before me.

Eh!? Eh!? Do you have to go that far!?

This was beyond the scope of my expectations. An aristocrat getting on hands and knees to prostrate himself before a commoner? No matter what kind of plan he had I just couldn’t imagine a noble throwing away their pride like this.

Oh no. This was so unexpected that I couldn’t think straight.

U-Up! I had to get him up! A noble prostrating to a commoner like this could be the seed for all kinds of trouble…

“U-Um, Ortissio-san, please raise your head. I truly don’t know what to do!”

“Understood.”

“Is there any soldier who would just raise their heeeaaaad!?”

“Guhah-!”

Out of the blue, Nielsen-san started bellowing and then struck Ortissio in the back of his head, causing him to fall flat onto the ground.

“N-Nielsen-san!? What are you doing!”

“Oh? I was simply disciplining him. I am teaching Ortissio the appropriate bearing for a retainer.”

“Discipli-, p-please don’t just suddenly hit people!” I screamed in the chaos.

How could you treat a major noble this way…

No matter what kind of fault the noble had, striking them like this was grounds for being sentenced for treason.

Are you insane, Nielsen-san! You’re really just like Tilea said. And here I thought you had more sense than this.

Forget about attacking a noble, suddenly hitting anybody like that is insane! Wait, don’t tell me he’s actually going senile at his age…

“Ortissio. At Sera-sama’s request I will end your punishment here. Remember your respect next time.”

“Y-Yes.”

Ortissio shakily returned to his feet. He seemed to have been concussed.

“Ortissio, you dare command a division when you can be shaken with such a punch?”

“M-My deepest apologies.”

“Apologies are meaningless. More importantly…”

And thus began Nielsen-san’s merciless verbal attack on the unsteady Ortissio.

…………

……………………

………………………………

“N-Nielsen-san, isn’t that enough…? You could be arrested for treating a noble this way, you know?”

“Noble? Sera-sama, you were told that damned Ortissio was a noble?”

“Well, yes?”

“Impossible. How could Ortissio be a noble.”

“Eh-, is he not? My daughter told me he was so I was sure…”

Hahh, goodness, that ridiculous girl!

Ortissio-san wasn’t a noble. It looks like that girl has gotten into yet another incredible misunderstanding.

“…Actually, Ortissio is indeed a noble. Isn’t that right, Ortissio!”

“Y-Yes. I am a noble. My parents and their ancestors were of course nobles, making me also a noble.”

“H-Hold on. Nielsen-san? Didn’t you just say that he wasn’t a noble? Which one is it?”

“My sincere apologies, Sera-sama. At my age I seem to be forgetting things all the time. That was a mistake. Tilea-sama’s words are the correct ones. Damned Ortissio is most undeniably and unmistakably a noble.”

After that, the two of them began going on about how this ancestor was a count, or how this other ancestor was a duke…

What on earth is wrong with these two…

It’s way too fake! They’re acting like complete children! Even Ortissio being a noble is under doubt now!

Still, the truth remained that Ortissio was incredibly rich. At the very least the furnishings in this restaurant could attest to that. But I wasn’t sure if it was possible to have a proper chat about the debt. Nielsen-san in particular was acting especially strangely. Could it be he really was becoming senile…?

I levelled a careful gaze at him. His hair was silver-grey, and his moustache was trimmed frustratingly neatly. Mn. A total fop of a man. But he didn’t seem at all senile. Still, I could tell that his being here was only going to get in the way of things.

“S-Say, Nielsen-san, do you think you could leave the two of us to have a chat in private…?”

“Understood. Well then, I shall stand by outside.”

“Sorry about this. In the end I’m kicking you out.”

“Absolutely not. This much is natural for a retainer such as myself. Well then, Ortissio, do your best to remain respectful.”

“O-Of course I will.”

“Sera-sama, if damned Ortissio shows you any disrespect you need only call out for me. I shall acquaint him with the iron fist of the law,” said Nielsen-san as he clenched a fist in front of his chest. Not a shred of fear towards nobility could be seen in him. It was as though he was talking about some naughty neighbourhood kid.

“…Nielsen-san, Ortissio-san truly is a noble isn’t he?”

“Yes, that is exactly the case.”

“Could it be that you also hold a peerage, Nielsen-san?”

I could at least understand if he was also an aristocrat.

“Is that what Tilea-sama told you?”

“No, I haven’t heard anything like that. But you just seem so close with Ortissio-san.”

“Ha ha! I simply go back a long way with this idiot. But I myself am simply…”

“Simply…?”

“…Sera-sama, may I ask what Tilea-sama said about me?”

“Eh!? J-Just that… Well, she called you a ‘chuuneebyoh’ and a ‘niit’.”

“Ohh! That is exactly right. I am indeed a ‘chuuneebyoh’ and a ‘niit’.”

W-Why are you declaring that so proudly! Tilea told me that a ‘chuuneebyoh’ means somebody who can’t face reality and holds all kinds of embarrassing delusions, and a ‘niit’ is a useless human who won’t find a job.

I don’t understand. I’ve only known Nielsen-san for a little over a year. There are still too many things I don’t understand about this man. Anyway, I need to focus on Ortissio.

Once Nielsen-san left to ‘stand by’ outside, Ortissio sat down opposite me at the table.

“U-Um, Sera-sama,” he began meekly, “You said you had something to discuss with me?”

“Yes. I deeply apologise for the losses my daughter has incurred upon your store.”

I decided first to begin with apologising for Tilea’s mismanagement. Because of the earlier prostrating perhaps it wasn’t as effective as I would have liked, though. Unfortunately I couldn’t return the favour. The nobility will grasp at any weakness you show them.

Confusingly, Ortissio didn’t seem to understand because he stared blankly at me. His entire expression was screaming ‘Why am I being apologised to?’. Did he even know about the debt? Could it be that the restaurant was owned by somebody else?

And just as expected…

“U-Um, I do not understand what you are apologising about…”

So I voiced my doubts.

“My daughter owes you a great debt, does she not? You own this shop, right?”

“I certainly have handed money over to Tilea-sama. However, you say that I’m the owner of this shop?”

“Are you not? My daughter said that you were.”

“…T-, That’s exactly right. I am indeed the owner of this shop, who is Ortissio. I look forward to your continued patronage.”

An incredibly unnatural response… What on earth have these two been playing at…

“And what might the truth be?”

“As I said, I am the owner.”

“Y-, You must be joking, right?”

“No, no, I would not dare.”

“…Very well. In any case, I would like to talk about the debt. I sincerely apologise but at this point in time we have no means to pay it back. You could say that we can’t ever pay back the entirety. However, we will try our best in instalments to contri-”

“Debt? There is no need to pay it back. Actually, far from repayment I would be more than happy to continue providing money as long as Tilea-sama still desires.”

“W-What are you saying! The debt has already exceeded a hundred million gold, you know. Are you saying that you’re going to just forget about that!”

“Yes, quite so. Is there some problem…?”

“Hah!? There’s a huge problem! Three hundred million gold in debt. I can’t believe that you’d just forget about that. And you keep saying “Tilea-sama, Tilea-sama”… You’re a high-ranking noble, and the owner of this store, aren’t you? What are you planning by acting like a servant!”

“Ah, no, that’s because the Generalissimo of the Evil God Army is none other than… I mean, wait… S-Say, Sera-sama, I apologise for the sudden question but what do you know about the Evil God Army?”

“Evil God Army? What is that supposed to mean? An army of demons? Shouldn’t it be the Demon King Army then?”

“Hm. So if I mentioned the terms ‘Evil God-sama’ and the ‘Legendary Demon Camilla-sama’ you wouldn’t understand…”

“What are yo talking about! Are you planning on lecturing me on history now? Please do not avoid the subject.”

“I see… So Tilea-sama… is hiding it… Then I too.”

“W-Why are you just muttering to yourself! Are you saying that Tilea is involved in this Evil God Army?”

“No, no, I was simply talking to myself. It is nothing that you need to worry about. R-Right, I was simply thinking about some of the military investments I’ve made. As a noble.”

“I see. I wouldn’t understand investments in military expenses. But please do not get my daughter involved.”

“Of course. Tilea-sa…n, is simply an excellent cook that I employ.”

Suspicious. He’s clearly hiding something. This man might be smiling politely but it doesn’t reach his eyes. At a glance he might seem incredibly courteous but from his eyes I can tell that he thinks of me as an idiot. No, as a bug of some kind.

Because of this act, Tilea has probably mistaken him for a good person. This is bad. There’s something incredibly dangerous about this. I was right, Tilea. You’re being deceived.

“Do you think I’ll just accept that! Even if you’ve fooled my daughter, you haven’t fooled me.”

“Nobody is fooling anybody. Tilea-sa…n, is simply a talented cook with incredible prospects. That I have any ill-intentions towards her is unthinkable. And that debt you mentioned might be a lot to you, but as a major noble it simply isn’t much. Please be at ease.”

“A few hundred million isn’t much, you say!”

“Yes, exactly so.”

It didn’t feel as though he was lying. He really didn’t seem to think anything of that money. But no matter how he saw it, the debt was still a three hundred million.

In the end, why did Ortissio spend so much money on my daughter? It made no sense.

Whether for good or for ill, my daughter is incredibly beautiful. It wouldn’t be strange for some noble to want her. But a few hundred million was simply too much. I couldn’t read this man at all.

“Let’s just be honest with each other.”

“In other words…?”

“What are you planning?”

“Planning? I would never…”

“Please stop taking me for a fool!”

In my anger I pointed my self-defence dagger at his stomach.

“Please stop this, Sera-sama.”

Even with a dagger pointed at him, he was still completely composed. As I thought, he was somebody from the underworld. The man reeked of danger.

“Listen. My daughter might be an idiot, but she’s a good girl who loves her parents! I won’t allow you to hurt her.”

“Hmph. I’ve been keeping silent, but the likes of you making light of…”

“Oh? So you’re finally showing your true colours. I have to say, it suits you much better than that cheap smile you had plastered on.”

“Youuu!”

Ortissio’s expression warped with rage. I finally got him to discard his mask. It would have been impossible to find out what he wanted as long as he kept giving me evasive answers.

It’s dangerous, but like this I’ll be able to find out what he really wants.

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