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Updated with Dryas’ entry.
Note that ‘pettanko’ really just means ‘flat’.
Chapter 4 – “What a frail bunch. Looks like I’ll have to retrain them from scratch.”
Thanks to the vampire attack, the security in Arcudas has rapidly worsened. After all, the guards are the ones responsible for dealing with crime, and the majority of them were killed by demons. It can’t be helped that crime is on the rise.
Today as well, I heard about some scary things like some wealthy merchant house being robbed by burglars, or how somebody was stabbed to death by a knife. It really makes a chill run down your spine. Not only that, but apparently pickpockets and purse snatchers have been on the rise too. The public safety is on par with the slums in my old life.
The state is desperately working out countermeasures, but there just hasn’t been enough time or helpers. Thanks to that, the citizens can’t help but rely on themselves instead.
Milay-san, from the textiles store on West Road, is one of them. Apparently she sent out an emergency request to the Adventurers Guild to guard her store. There’s more than enough possibility of our restaurant being threatened too. After all, just looking at our furnishings is enough to tell you that they’re high class, and more importantly there’s treasure lying all about downstairs.
Hahhh~ Thinking about it, isn’t Or being too careless! Is he an idiot or something! How can you just leave all that treasure lying about without even using a safe or a lock! What’s wrong with that guy!
Or could it be that it only looks unguarded because it’s a hidden holiday villa? Without guards or safes around, you wouldn’t expect there to treasure after all…
Nono, even so, there’s a limit to these things. The way it is now is like screaming ‘please rob me’. I’ll never get it. I’ll never get how the rich think.
Anyway, thankfully our shop is at least known as “the favourite shop of the Guild’s rising star, Mühen”. I guess the effect is a bit like how in my old life you’d get those stickers that said “police may be patrolling in casual clothing”.
It does seem to be working because we haven’t had a burglar once yet. I guess they’re on guard because they know that an expert swordsman hangs around here.
But that doesn’t mean I can relax. It’s true that Myuu comes here a lot, but it’s not like he’s here every day. He’s got work at the Guild, after all. To put it frankly, when Myuu isn’t here, our shop is as good as defenceless. If it’s just numbers then we have a huge number of self-proclaimed “guards”, but apart from me they’re a bunch of quacks. If a burglar really invades, they’re all as good as dead.
I mean, we do still have our secret weapon, Edim, but Edim has school, and more importantly that anything, she can’t guard in the open. If people realised she was a vampire, she’d end up on a wanted list after all.
Fumu. This won’t do.
Thinking about it carefully, our security is on a tightrope. It would be great if we could hire some adventurers just like Milay-san, but…
We don’t have the money for that. I can’t borrow any more of Or’s money after all. I’ll think about that after I actually make some profit. Until then, I guess I have no choice except to rely on those weaklings[the “leaders” of the Evil God Army]…
Hmm, but it’s possible, or rather, extremely likely, that I’m actually stronger than all of them. Would they even be any use at all as guards? No, right? At best, they’d run off for help, or buy some time for us…
Huu~ Can’t be helped. Maybe they’d get a little stronger if I trained them.
The next day…
I’m in one of the rooms in the Evil God Army’s Underground Empire. Yesterday I went around looking for a room that was suitable for training. This one has enough room for dozens of people to move about, there’s no expensive furnishings, and nothing else to worry about. That’s why I called Timu and the others here.
“”We have arrived at your summon, Tilea-sama!””
“You’re all here, guys?”
“No, Mühen is presently undercover in the Guild so he is absent. Shall I call him here?”
“No, there’s no need.”
Unlike you lot, Myuu is actually working, okay. You’d better not get in his way. Also, Myuu doesn’t need to be here this time.
“So, the reason I called you guys out here. It’s been pretty crazy lately, hasn’t it. That’s why I’m going to teach you have to defend yourselves.”
“G-, Goodness, Tilea-sama herself is going to instruct us!?”
“Oneesama! How long I have waited for this moment! Please, please do guide me!”
Timu, Pervert(Nielsen), just everybody was brimming with excitement. You guys really do love this stuff, don’t you.
“Just so you know, we’re not playing around, okay? I’m serious here!”
“”Of course! We will risk our lives to learn!””
“Mn, I guess your enthusiasm is good enough.”
“Then, what kind of technique will you be instructing us in?”
“Oneesama, I hope it will be some kind of magic. Some ultimate magic of destruction and chaos.”
“I would very much like to learn a pugilistic skill.”
“I humbly ask you that you demonstrate your Seven Hundred and Seventy-Seven Techniques of the Evil God.”
You guys always get so excited for chuuni stuff.
“Ah~ Before all of that, I’d like to have a look at your physical abilities, so we’re going to do an endurance test.”
“An endurance test?”
“Mn, like pushups and stuff.”
“U-, Umm, Tilea-sama, by pushups, do you mean those pushups?”
“Or, what on earth are you saying? What other kinds of pushups are there?”
“No, um… Of course, you couldn’t mean normal pushups, could you? That is, regarding the way we do them and…”
“Of course she doesn’t, Ortissio! If we did normal pushups, we’d go on for hundreds of millions of them. It would never end.”
“M-, My sincere apologies. It is a test given by Tilea-sama. Magic will probably used to change things somehow.”
“Obviously. Considering it is Tilea-sama, there’s no doubt that it must be some unfathomable training method that none of us have ever thought of.”
Even though I just had normal pushups in mind, everyone started arguing about how it wasn’t this, or wasn’t that.
I see. How on earth could this lot ever want to do normal pushups. Well, they’re a bunch that hate actual work after all. Should I mix some chuuni into it? If I do, at least they’d be happy about it, and they’d probably try harder too.
“Huhu, well guessed. Normal pushups wouldn’t be interesting at all.”
“Oohh, I knew it!”
Everyone started looking at me expectantly. What should I do now…
Mn! It has to be that! If you’re a chuunibyou, then it has to be training under heavy gravity.
Yup, the gravity manipulation magic, Pettanko[Gravity Spell]. If I apply extra gravity to them, I’ll bet they’ll love it.
But I’ve only used elementary magic. Can I do it? It sounds like something that would be pretty tough. I mean, it’s gravity magic, right? Would something like that be more like advanced, or at least intermediate magic?
Hm~mm, thinking about it won’t help. I’ll just wing it!
I started to imagine the Pettanko[Gravity Spell].
“EEI! PETTANKO[Gravity Spell]!”
The moment I released my magic, the whole room seemed to thud with the weight.
Ooh, a success. I did it!
Well, as you’d expect, making it ten times gravity or something amazing was out of my league. All that happened was… Um, it feels like an extra kilo on me?
Haha, magic is really so fun.
Because I don’t have much mana, my spells are never really great, but it’s still really enjoyable seeing all the effects.
Now then, I wonder if everyone else is having fun too.
I looked at Timu and the others. From their expressions, they all seemed to be enduring something, just like they were in some 100x gravity room. As expected of chuunibyou. Guess they’re really loving it.
“How is it, everyone? I tried changing the gravity of the room, but…”
“I-, I am shocked. A magic to change gravity? I know the theory as well, but as expected of you, Oneesama. To think that you could really actualise it.”
“Magnificent, Tilea-sama. I can sense that the whole room has had its gravity magnified a hundredfold.”
Pervert(Nielsen) immediately got on board. I know how you feel. Isn’t there just something exciting about ‘a hundred times gravity’? Well, it barely feels like a kilo extra for me, but I’ll play along with you.
“As expected of you, Niel. That’s exactly right. Now then, we’re going to do pushups under a hundred times gravity. Well? Aren’t you all excited?”
“As expected of Tilea-sama! I never would have thought that there could be such a training method.”
“Huhu, looks like you’re plenty excited. That’s a good thing. Well then, get ready.”
All of them got down, ready to start.
“Well then. Begin!”
At my signal, everyone began doing pushups in sync.
With this, I can see how your endurance is.
I began looking around. The most excellent one was…
Timu! As expected of my little sister! Her arms were trembling a little, but she still managed proper pushups.
I think she’ll reach the fifteen mark that I set for everyone.
Dryas-kun I guess. A bit behind him was Pervert(Nielsen). I’d be happy if these two reach 7 or 8. After all, just a few pushups was enough to make their arms tremble, and their sweat was really wetting the floor.
I can’t say I didn’t expect it, but Dryas-kun was a real life example of “Beautiful guys have no money or strength.”
Since Dryas is an elf, I think I should train him up a little more. As for Pervert(Nielsen), well, he was just as expected. All enthusiasm and no power. I think he’ll be done after four or five, really.
The real problem was…
Or and Muram. They haven’t done even one the whole time. But well, Muram is kind of fat, so I guess it can’t really be helped. It’s tough just supporting that body, isn’t it.
But Or, you…
“Or, try your best to at least do one, okay?”
“Hahh, hahh… T-, Tile… hahh, hahh, sama, under… stoo… d…”
It’s no good. Or was at his limit. I could even see his muscles creaking. Just as I was feeling shocked by him,
“…Fifteen, hahh, hahh, sixtee…. c-, can’t.”
At sixteen pushups, Timu fell to the ground. Incidentally, Dryas-kun made it to seven, and Pervert(Nielsen) made it to five before falling to the ground.
“You really gave it your all, Timu.”
“Hahh, hahh, hahh, hahh, O-, Oneesama, tha――”
“Ahh, don’t force yourself to talk, okay? Just lay there and catch your breath,” I said, as I passed a towel to her.
Dryas-kun and Pervert(Nielsen) were wheezing as well. Should I give you guys some towels too? When I gave them their towels,
I suddenly heard a piercing scream. It was Or.
“Or, w-what’s wrong?”
“M-, MY ARM BROKEEE!”
Yeah, you have to be careful――I mean!
How one earth can you break your arm just doing pushupssss!? Is it even possible to be that weakkk!?
When I had a look, Or’s arm was completely snapped.
Your typical rich kid. Lacking in training, and lacking in calcium. I bet he just eats whatever he likes, and never does any exercise either. Looks like I’ll have to change his eating habits as well. What a long journey we have ahead of us.
But well, I’ll think up a regime for him late. First, we need to treat him.
I asked Timu to come over and heal Or’s arm. Thanks to that, his arm quickly recovered. Magic really is so convenient.
Huu, but even though we’ve only just done pushups, the only one who passed was Timu. Just how weak are these guys?
To think they’d even lose to a magician-type like Timu…
“You guys just listen to me as you rest.”
“You know, to be honest I wanted to teach you a little ‘Judo’ after our endurance test. It’s a technique from my old life, you see.”
“‘Juudoh’ is it! How very fascinating. Please do teach us.”
“Don’t be hasty. Before I can teach you anything, you need to train your bodies first. It’s the fundamentals. All of you are too weak. Right now the only one who passed was Timu.”
“Tilea-sama, does that mean that if we wish to learn the technique, we must reach Camilla-sama’s record of fifteen pushups?”
“Yeah, if you can’t even do that much, Judo is out of the question.”
“F-, Fifteen under this gravity!? I-, Impossible. Just standing here is taking everything I have,” muttered the pale Or.
Yeah. He couldn’t even do one, so of course he’d think like that. But it’s a matter of diet for him too.
“Or, the way you are now, I’m sure it would be. But leave it to me. I’ll come up with a training regime just for you.”
“Tilea-sama, t-, to guide the likes of me, you would actually go so far…?”
Or was so moved he began to tear up. Yeah. First we’ll get you some milk, huh.
“Also, Muram, you need to slim up. With your current weight, the rest of the training is impossible.”
“Also, I was thinking this as I watched you, but you can’t just focus on the number. Each one of your pushups has to be in correct form. Form is more important than the quantity.”
“Yeah, form. I’ll show you what I mean.”
I got down and began doing perfect pushups.
“A-, As expected of Oneesama! To move so effortlessly under such gravity.”
“Huhu, that’s natural. A mere hundred times gravity? I can’t feel a thing.”
Huhu, to be honest with you, in my old life I used to do correspondence karate, and from manga and novels I’ve read all there is to know about pushups. Since my physical abilities were too low in my old life I couldn’t do it, but right now I feel like I could go on forever.
Getting carried away, I started doing one-handed pushups too. After that, I switched to finger pushups.
They kept getting more and more shocked.
Yupyup, this is going surprisingly well. I’ve been training with my wok since I was a kid, after all. I’ve got quite a bit of strength. Actually, would I actually be like a 3rd Dan in karate or something? At the very least, I’m sure I could win at the Greater Tokyo Karate Tournament.