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Chapter 25 – “Oh my god. I’m alone with Remilia-san.”
I-, I’ll just say it as it is… As if! You think I would, idiot!
Honestly, I think I’m about to go crazy. Thanks to Or&friends’ stupid actions, we’re as good as public enemy number one. Tying up a VIP like this isn’t something as simple as ‘obstruction of duty’ anymore. If this gets out, everybody involved is going to be sent to the gallows.
No, hang on, perhaps we’ll be lynched by the citizens of the Capital first. Teheh ♪
Considering what they did, even if the rest of us claim innocence, nobody will listen. They’re definitely going to think of us as allies. Or rather, if we’re looking for the ringleader, isn’t that me, as the Evil God?
Oh my god.
But even though we’re in such a crazy situation, Or doesn’t seem to realise it at all. Instead, his face is saying “I’m amazing, right? Praise me, praise me!”
Huu, is this guy an idiot? Is he a retard?
I want to hit him in the face this very instant, but this isn’t the time for that. I have to break through this situation somehow.
I stared hard at Remilia-san.
That gallant and noble Remilia-san was now lying on the floor, bound by rope.
Aaahh, how pitiful. I bet she would never have dreamed that she’d be taken hostage by a bunch of idiots like this. To have been caught by these guys, her fight with the demons must have been incredible. Her stamina is probably close to zero. After all, she’s wounded all over, and looked heavily injured.
You can tell from that alone, just how intense the fight must have been…
Mn!? Or rather, if we don’t hurry and treat her, won’t things turn bad?
She’s bleeding out even now. The puddle of blood under her is turning incredible.
T-, This is bad. Remilia-san is going to die!
Awawawa, what am I dawdling here for when my future girlfriend is going to die!
“Timu, please hurry and Heal her!”
“Heal this elf?”
“Fumu, I understand.”
“T-, That can’t be… Even though we spent so long to catch her…”
“You idiot! Oneesama clearly has some plan behind this. Ortissio, you have no standing to butt in!”
“M-, My deepest apologies for the shallowness of my thoughts.”
Timu rebuked Or for saying something stupid. Yeah. Just like Timu says. What is he still going about after all this time. Timu’s right to be angry.
But you know, before scolding him, could you heal Remilia-san first? If you don’t hurry, she’s going to die.
“Timu, leave the scolding for later. Heal her first!”
Timu raised her hand over Remilia-san.
Oohh, her wounds were visibly closing. Timu’s forte really is holy magic. I wonder if she’ll end up working as a priest class in the future.
“It is finished, Oneesama. She should awaken soon.”
“Thanks, Timu. You’ve saved me.”
Phew~ Safe for the moment. We’ve saved Remilia-san from death. My future lover is safe, and we’ve also escaped a trip to the gallows.
All that’s left is the follow up after she’s awoken, but…
What should I do?
I wonder if everything would work out if I just told her that we found her and saved her.
…No, hang on a moment. There’s something I need to check first. When Or tied her up, was she conscious? Even if she was hazy from the injuries, it’ll be terrible if she’s seen Or’s face.
“Or~ There’s a veeeeery important question I’ve got to ask you, but…”
“Yes, Milady. Ask me anything.”
“Well then. I’m just asking, but when you tied her up, did she see your face?”
Well? That’s seriously the most important thing here.
…At worst, he might even end up on the wanted list.
“Of course she saw my face. After all, the one that defeated Remilia was none other than ourselves.”
Kuh-, I knew he’d say that. Of course, right? That’s the kind of people these guys are. This is why chuunibyou is dangerous when it gets out of hand.
But I wonder what exactly the truth is.
From what I hear, rather than tying her up after finding her unconscious, it’s more likely that they ambushed her as she was unsteady on her feet, and about to faint.
But in that case, isn’t this quite bad?
At this rate, we’ll end up in a crazy misunderstanding when she wakes up. Well, he did attack her, so it’s not exactly a misunderstanding but…
Anyway, if she remembers what happened before she collapsed, we’re definitely going to be arrested. Far from just that, since we basically assisted the demons, we might even be confused as having something to do with them.
Aah aahh, what do I do? Neither Timu, nor Or, nor Pervert(Nielsen) seem to understand how serious this is. Far from it, are these guys actually happy?
“This is bad. It appears that members of the Public Safety Force are en route. Likely to be reinforcements for Remilia.”
Oohh, that’s right, Myuu. Exactly right! You’re like the oasis of my heart. You’re the only one who understands the situation.
“Mühen, if you are concerned with information disclosure, then we should simply take care of this elf. The blame will simply fall to the vampires.”
“That’s true. If we do not want the humans to know of our existence, then that would be best.”
“No, more importantly, shall we not take care of the reinforcements as well?”
What scary things you guys are saying. It’s true, it’s true that that would be the most surefire way to destroy the evidence but…
Please stop that. What if Timu seriously does it? More importantly, why are you guys all acting so arrogant. Myuu aside, the rest of us are goners the moment Remilia-san wakes up, okay?
Or rather, what the hell are you saying about my future girlfriend!? Pervert(Nielsen), Or, see if I don’t strangle you later.
“Everyone, it looks like you realise just how bad this situation is.”
“Yes, milady. How should we move? Shall we intercept them? Or shall we eliminate Remilia and then conceal ourselves?”
“You knoww~ Please stop saying silly things already. Or rather, Timu’s really about to do it!”
“I see. Tilea-sama, so you had some use for that elf.”
“T-, That’s right. Anyway, just leave this place to me. You guys hurry up and disperse, and take a good rest tonight to restore your energy.”
After everyone dispersed, I carried Remilia-san and then began heading to Headquarters myself. This is the best choice. With everyone here, who knows what they’ll tell the Public Safety Force. And also, if Remilia-san really does remember their faces, this time it’ll be our turn to be tied up.
My plan is to bring Remilia-san to the Headquarters, and then lie a little. First, the best situation would be one where she doesn’t remember Or beating and tying her up. In that case, I could just say that we found her and saved her.
In the case that she does remember, I’ll lie about the criminal. I think her memory should be hazy, and as long as I insist on it, she should believe me. Giving a false testimony really isn’t something anyone should do, but if Timu’s… I guess I could call him companion, ended up being hanged, I really wouldn’t sleep well. I’ll just make up something about seeing her attacked by demons.
I continued walking as I simulated conversations in my head.
I kept walking, walking, walk… I-, It’s no good. I can’t concentrate.
After all, Remilia-san is sooo soft!
The voluptuousness against my back was so stimulating. Ooh, ohhhh, each time I took a step, it hit against my back. I-, I’m starting to feel weird.
A-, And what’s with this scent!?
Aahh, it smells so good. S-, So this is the scent of elf? W-, What a complex fragrance! I might get addicted to it. I’ve hugged her from the front a few times, but this time she’s even closer to me, so I was getting a full blast of it.
Aahh, no good. Even though I knew it was no good, I kept sniffing and sniffing.
What a great smell.
I-, I’m recalling my last life for some reason. Inoue, the scent of elf really does exist. Apparently it’s your win.
In the past, we once had a passionate debate about what elves smelt like. We went through all sorts of possibilities in our imaginations. Did they smell like rose flowers? Did they smell like rose hip? Did they smell like hop? In the end, we used various perfumes and created the scent of elf.
And amongst the perfumes created by all the members… It’s Inoue’s who was the closest. As expected of him. As expected of “greatest elf-lover” President Inoue. It really is amazing. You really did a great job with your imagination. At the time, I argued stubbornly, didn’t I. I too loved elves, which is why I didn’t want to lose to you.
But, the answer is here now. I’ve been shown the proof.
Inoue, you were number one!
As I was basking in nostalgia, I continued to sniff Remilia-san.
Wai-, whoaa! What the hell are you doing, me!?
How can I say anything about Or if I’m acting like such a pervert. Seriously, what the hell am I doing. If Timu found out about this, she’d be disgusted.
Huu, honestly, why does this always happen? Whenever it comes to elves or Remilia-san, my ego always seems to fly away. Is it because I’m in love with Remilia-san? Or could this be the karmic bonds as the former “We Super-Love Elves Society” Vice-President?
I have to calm down. Calm down…
Right. Didn’t the Society already discuss at length what we would do in this situation? Yeah. We already exhausted the topic of what we would do if we ever ended up alone with an elf. After all, we never knew when we might suddenly be sent into another world, and meet an elf. If we weren’t able to cope with it calmly, we would never be able to find an elf lover.
President Inoue often said it…
When you meet an elf…
“YOU STRIP THE ELFFFFFFFFFF!”
In an instant, I stripped Remilia-san of all her clothes.
…Wai-, that’s wrong, Inoue!
I stood dumbfounded for a while.
I was just trying to use my past-life knowledge to calm myself down. But it looks like I was more hysteric than expected. Right in front of me was Remilia-san in her birthday suit.
W-, What an outrageous appearance. O-, Oh no. What am I thinking!
Why is it that as I tried to calm down, I ended up stripping her instead? Have I been possessed by something? Well, at least I didn’t rip her clothing off, so I guess I still had some reason left behind.
A-, Anyway, I have to quickly dress her!
I moved to put her clothing back on. But despite how hurried I was feeling, my hands wouldn’t move.
W-, What incredible proportions…
S-, So dazzling. T-, Truly the goddess of beauty, Venus. Remilia-san’s perfect proportions, and completely flawless skin…
Aahh, Remilia-san, why must you bewitch me so!
I-, I gulped.
Y-, Yeah. Timu healed her, but maybe there’s still an injury somewhere. T-, That’s right. Before I dress her again, I’d better check to make sure, right? It’d be terrible if she was still injured somewhere.
I began to examine every nook and cranny of her body.
Oohhh, so beautiful.
As Remilia-san lay there with her perfect proportions, I looked! Touched! Sniffed! And then… licked!! I enjoyed her with all five senses.
And then, after continuing that for how long, I don’t know…
My eyes, which had beheld her every corner, met with Remilia’s as they opened. Remilia-san looked at me in confusion, before quickly standing up. She’s glaring at me suspiciously now.
Oh crap! OH CRAP!
Aren’t I in even deeper trouble than Or now?
Idiot! I’m an idiot! What shameless things have I done. It’s too late to even regret it now. A cold sweat dripped down my skin.
“Tilea, wasn’t it. I have a sudden question for you.”
“Why, am I naked?”
“W-, Who knows~ Perhaps you were on stand-by naked?”
“Tilea. I hate jokes.”
“Y-, Yes. I-, I’m sorry, I stripped you.”
“Even if you ask me why, you know~? Just why I wonder. I actually wanna ask that myself.”
“In other words… you had no reason?”
“N-, No no, of course that’s not… C-, Can’t be helped, huh~ G-, Guess I’ll strip too, to make it even.”
I was about to take off the clothes on my body, but Remilia-san silently gripped the hilt of her sword.
Abababababababa! I’m in really big trouble this time! Somebody save me!