Bastard! What ‘It’s time for you to grow up already’! What ‘Don’t you want a girlfriend?’!

Curse Naofumi! Curse him to death! Getting cocky just because he had a little sex? Up until a week ago you were a virgin just like me!

Just recalling that cocky face caused magma to course through my veins.

I channeled my rage into my right arm, as I began fapping more and more furiously.

CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU, NAOFUMI! MAY YOU BE RUN DOWN BY A TRUCK WITHOUT REINCARNATING!

Faster and faster. My right hand stroked back and forth, while my left hand clenched an Assna figurine. Naofumi had always loved Assna. She was in my collection because my Art Swords Online line-up wouldn’t be complete without her, but honestly I had always preferred Shion.

Even so, the exaltation from stealing Assna away from Naofumi was incredible.

Soon. I was close. I could feel it.

The Black Flame Dragon in my loins was about to be released.

“Mu!?”

But something was wrong.

“Masaka!”

A sudden pain shot through the arm gripping the doll, and followed through the left side of my body.

My vision grew hazy, and the world turned sideways.

No…

It was simply I that had fallen.

“B-, BAKA NAAAAA!”

I screamed, as my right arm reached vainly into the air.

C-, Curse you, Naofumi…

The last thing I saw as my mind sank into oblivion, was Assna’s smiling face.

---

White. Everything was white.

Where was this place?

“I-, I’m s-, sorry for c-c-calling you h-, here.”

A bell-like voice called out to me.

Standing behind me was a young girl. Was she around sixteen?

A shining white robe covered her body, and silky golden hair cascaded past her doll-like face. It cascaded past her doll-like face down onto her E-cup tits. Without any further explanation, I knew what this was.

“So you’re a Goddess, huh.”

“Wha-!?”

The girl’s pretty face was dyed with shock, as her lips trembled pitifully. Spot-on huh? Or rather, is the world going to be okay with a goddess like this?

“Umm, y-, yes. J-, Just as you say, I’m a G-, Goddess. I-, I’m r-, really sorry for c-, calling you here. I-, I mean, k-, killing you h-, here. I-, I mean, u-, um. The t-t-truth is that the world I’m in i-, is in quite a bit of trouble, and I n-n-needed a Hero n-, no matter what, you see, a-, and…”

FUCK YES! My time had come! Holding back the grin that threatened to spread across my face, I smoothed my hair back as I looked morosely to the side.

“Hohh. And so you picked me.”

“Y-, Yes. I understand that it’s a b-bother, but I don’t really have much choice in w-, who I p-pick. F-, F-, For some reason H-, Heroes can only be summoned from the l-, land of Japan, b-b-but with the a-, aging population and d-debt cost problems, Amaterasu-san won’t let us summon a-, anybody with a job.”

I-, I see…

“H-, Hmmm. A-, And so, your world is in trouble, you say?”

This Goddess was the one who killed me, but she was trembling so much that even I couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for her. To begin with, I was actually rather excited about all this, so this time I spoke a little more gently.

Apparently it worked a little, because she looked a little happier, but before even a few moments had passed, she lowered her eyes mournfully and continued.

“Y-, Yes. It shames me to say, but we’re f-, facing an enormous demon crisis at the moment.”

“I see. So basically you want to send me in to take down the Demon King, and save the world from the demons.”

“Eh? W-, Well, there’s no k-king or anything, but y-, yes. I w-would like to ask for your h-, help in p-purging the world of the d-, demons.”

“I see. A typical pattern. So what’s this world of yours?”

“U-, Umm. I-, I guess at the moment it’s a bit like those worlds you see in g-, games and m-, manga? O-, Oh, b-b-but the technology d-, developed a little different from y-, your world.”

FUCK YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Again, I had to stop a grin from erupting on my face. I quite like Dark Age-style fantasy novels, but when it comes down to it, a man’s romance has to be magitech!

“Let’s get down to business. What powers will I be given?”

“Y-, Yes. Because I’m selfishly summoning you into my w-, world, o-, of course I’ll do my u-utmost to cooperate! I-, I’ll be giving you a s-standard sub-space Inventory Bag to b-, begin with, and a HUD minimap and radar w-, which should show you the l-, locations of any hostiles.”

Hmmm~ Since I’m using my real body after all, I suppose it makes more sense to resemble an action game like Dinasti Warriors. She gave this some thought. Even if she’s like this, I suppose she’s still a Goddess.

“And f-, following that, I’ll also be enhancing your basic abilities to roughly twenty times the average man-”

Nice, nice.

“-using the latest in cybernetic technology,”

Huh?

“and for your weapons, a M505 Standard Issue Heavy Particle Rifle,”

Ehh!?

“an EA-Kepler Semi-Homing Higgs-Boson Lancer Portable-Arbalest,”

BOSON WHAT!?

“and a K5 Tachyonic 1-Dimensional Scythe. Well then, I’m afraid to cut our conversation short, but please do your best.”

EH!? Wai-, don’t just selfishly end the conversation! And what happened to your stutter!

“May the fortunes of war be with you.”

OIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

---

Mumu… This isn’t my bed…

That was the first thing that I noticed. I could feel concrete through the UNIQLQ shirt on my back. Am I still on Earth?

The second thing I noticed was that the wind was blowing against my face. Apparently I was outside.

Picking myself up sheepishly, I scanned the area.

Or so I was about to.

“HAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

WHOA!?

I rolled just in the nick of time as the power of folded steel embedded itself in the floor where my face had been.

“TELEPORTING ZOMBIEEEEEE!”

For some reason I was being attacked.

By who? This man in a trenchcoat?

Why? I didn’t have time to think.

“DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Again, the flash of steel.

I pulled my neck back through instinct.

I tried to backpedal to gain some distance but the man continued to press on in a frenzy.

A diagonal slash to the shoulder.

A thrust to the stomach.

A one-handed swing for my arm.

Again and again I escaped by the skin of my teeth, but my stance was becoming unstable, and the edge of the roof was at my back.

I couldn’t let this go on.

Gritting my teeth, I decided to risk everything.

“DIEEEEE!”

This was it. As the man swung the katana downwards, this time, I leapt past the arc of the swing.

His eyes widened.

If I couldn’t keep dodging, then I would simply stop him from attacking.

I had already left the danger zone of the blade. It was my win.

I reached up with my hand to grab him when,

-click-

-PSHUUUUUUUUUUUU-

My hand folded back at an unnatural angle, and a rocket shot out of my wrist.

OIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!?

-BOOOOOM-

The strangest thing happened in the next moment.

Even though I was glued to the floor, the man with the katana was sent flying by the blast of the explosion.

For some reason I was now looking down on the man. And the man was clinging for dear life to the edge of the roof.

And for some reason the streets below him were filled with zombies.

Zombies. Fucking, zombies.

Eh…?

Why…?

Eh…? It didn’t make sense…

I thought back to the E-cup Goddess.

《I-, I guess at the moment it’s a bit like those worlds you see in g-, games and m-, manga?》

I’d been had.

“I’LL KILLLLL YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! ZOMBIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

How rude. Just because I haven’t bathed in a while, doesn’t mean you can call me whatever you like!

“H-, Hey, listen, dude, I’m not a zombie-”

“ZOMBIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! YOU’RE INFECTED! ZOMBIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

But he wouldn’t listen. The man glared at me with bloodshot eyes as he frothed at the mouth.

And then I saw it. Because his arms were above his head, the sleeves of his coat had come down.

And he was bleeding from the forearm. A bite mark.

I’d seen it in the films before. This was the sign of turning into a zombie. First you’d get bitten. Then you’d lose your mind. Then finally you’d start trying to bite everybody else.

I looked down again at the man, this time with some pity.

The sword was lying a few steps away from me. The decent thing to do would be to let him end with dignity.

But I was Japanese. Could I take somebody else’s life? As a Japanese person, I had always been raised in a world of peace, and far from violence, I had never even――

“YAHHHHHHH!”

“OH SHIT!”

“GYAHHHHHHH―!”

JIIZASU! I thought my heart was going to fucking stop!

I looked down awkwardly at the corpse. T-, This isn’t my fault right? I mean if you cling to someone’s leg like that, it’s the same as asking to be kicked. It’s like biology or something.

I gulped, and looked down once more at the guy who I had kicked in the face.

Yep. Still dead. Oh Buddha.