April Fools 2016 – Part 1 (Evil God Average)

Chapter 8 – A Certain Great Plan

“Hahh…”

On the fifth floor of the Evil God Temple, the divine Anri sighed.
She then ran her finger along the window frame. There was dust. In a sense, you could call it the obvious result, but it didn’t used to be dusty.
The reason it was now, was because the human Anri had left with Tena.

“This is a grave situation.”

Among the necessities of life, “clothing” was still okay. Because her Black Rose Dress would automatically clean itself at certain times, far from washing her clothing, she didn’t even need to change it.
But “food” and “shelter” were different stories.

If you didn’t make the food, you wouldn’t have any. Unfortunately, Anri’s cooking skills were not that great. Her food wasn’t bad, but neither was it particularly good.
There was no need to even mention the other two gods here.
To begin with, members of the Divine Race sustained itself on faith, and did not need to eat like other beings. And because they neither needed to eat, nor were they capricious enough to learn on a whim, they had no cooking skills to speak of. There had to be some sort of drive or compulsion to obtain the skills to create something you didn’t even need.
Which meant that there was no reason for them to eat, except for pleasure.
Naturally they wanted to eat delicious things for their enjoyment, but Tena who used to prepare it was now gone, so their meals had become heartbreaking. Of course, there was still the option of simply not eating, but now that they had tasted the joys of eating, it was a little hard to go back.

Not only that, Evil God Temple or not, if nobody cleaned it it would naturally become dusty. After Anri became a divine, she could use brooms again now that she was free from her curse, but that didn’t mean that she wouldn’t stealthily escape when it came to cleaning the huge temple.
The living area of the Evil God Temple could only be said to comprise the 5th surface floor, and the 31st subterranean floor, but even those two alone formed quite a large area. Even Tena would have found it impossible to manage. So then how did they used to manage…? The answer was that it was because the place was still a dungeon. With the dungeon master skill, “Dungeon Create”, it was possible to restore the place at the expensive of mana. Although you couldn’t say it was impossible to replicate this with a divine Authority, the Authorities had the disadvantage of being too powerful and difficult to moderate. After all, they were essentially abilities used to govern the world.

“The agenda of today’s meeting is to address our falling living standards.”

“Well, I do not mind, but…”

“I shouldn’t be talkin’, but dincha pick the wrong gods for this?”

Three gods sat around a circular table, beginning a ridiculous meeting.

“We need to make the Evil God Temple great again.”

Anri stated blandly.

“Well, gotta say, can’t argue with improving the food ‘ere. Your food ain’t bad but, it ain’t particularly good either.”

“I agree with him.”

“NO!”

Anbaal and Sophia had begun talking about the foods, only to find Anri shouting sternly at them.

“The problem we need to address goes deeper than that.”

“Deeper?”

“Hmm…”

Sophia and Anbaal turned strange looks to her.

“To tell you the truth,” Anri began. “Last night, I had a mysterious dream about a man with sharp hawk eyes, and a shining golden mane.”

“But you do not sleep.”

Argued Sophia.

“He was a great, great man.”

Unfortunately, Anri simply ignored her.

“A man who was known for building great, great walls, for great, great deals, and great, great steaks.”

“Hahh…”

“Ummm…”

Anbaal and Sophia both gave her quizzical looks.

“And he told me something.”

Anri stood up from her chair, eyes gazing into the distance, before clambering onto the table and raising her voice.

“He told me why we’re living in squalor like a bunch of losers. Why we’re not winning anymore!”

By now, Anri was waving her arms about animatedly in various hand gestures.

“The Forterans! The Forterans are illegally immigrating into the Holy Anri Thearchy! They’re bringing drugs! They’re bringing crime! They’re rapists!”

Her meagre chest held outwards in an imposing(?) manner, Anri delivered her speech, before adding as an afterthought, “And some, I assume, are good people.”

“I’ve been consulting with myself,” she continued in a grave tone, “I’ve been consulting with myself on foreign policy, and speaking with myself because I have a very good brain and I’ve said a lot of good things. I speak to a lot of people, but my primary consultant on this stuff is myself.”

“”…………””

By now, the two gods were speechless. They had no idea what their younger colleague was talking about.

“What we need is a great wall! A great, great wall! I’m going to build a great, great wall, and I’m going to do it very cheaply. Everybody knows me for my walls. I’m going to build it, and I’m going to make Fortera pay for it!”

Suddenly, Anri clambered back down the table, and picked up a mysterious sack. From the neck, strange red hats were visible inside. She began to pass them out.

Sophia had a look at hers. There were words on the front.

‘Make the Thearchy great again.’

Turning it around, she found the words,

‘Made in Fortera’

“We need to expel the Forterans!”

Anri’s words brought Sophia’s attention back to her.

“The Forteran Royalty, they’re not like us. They’re smarter than you can imagine. When they’re sending people, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending me, they’re not sending you two.”

Naturally. There were only three or four gods in this world.

“We can’t be losers like that other Evil God! The Kingdom of Fortera, the Luxiria Theocracy, they’re killing us! They’re smarter, more cunning, and sharper than our leaders. Look at that Pope! That Pope is a strong leader. He’s making mincemeat out of our Pope. He’s winning the people over. He’s attacking and he is doing so economically. After all, he knows he can’t beat us in terms of dogma, or legends, or enthusiasm amongst proselytisers.”

Anri paused for a moment, and her expression turned thoughtful. She added,

“And as for gods, it is very hard for them to beat me on looks, because I am so good looking.”
password: “madein(?)” no upper case no spaces
Sophia furrowed her brows.

“It hasn’t been long since the Thearchy was born, but we need to set things straight, now. We have to have a border. We have to have a wall. And in that wall, we’re going to have a big fat door where people can come into the country, but they have to come in legally. So that’s what I’m going to do. That’s how I’m going to make the place great again.”

With that, before either of them could stop her, Anri disappeared.

*壁*
It was that day that the third symbol of the Holy Anri Thearchy, the Great Wall of Anri, came into creation.

*壁*

*壁*

*壁*

*壁*

*壁*

*壁*

*壁*

*壁*

*壁*

*壁*

*壁*

*壁*

*壁*

*壁*

*壁*

*壁*

*壁*The Mysterious Dream Man. Rumoured to have made many countries great again.

The Mysterious Man. Rumoured to have made many countries great again.


The solution was,

ss+(2016-04-01+at+01.31.33)ss+(2016-04-01+at+01.32.45)

The password was “madeinfortera”

36 thoughts on “April Fools 2016 – Part 1 (Evil God Average)”

    1. Thaks for the chapter, before I forget.

      Also, it seems that some tags don’t work in the comments. Too bad that WP has deleted the list of accepted tags from the comment section.

      Liked by 1 person

        1. That I know. I just wanted to ask about the context. No little sister has made an appearance in all the chapter, and it’s being used the same way “wall” was in the joke chapter.

          Also, “imouto” is already in Japanese.

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            1. That I also knew. Also the “should be white” thing (hence the thing about “accepted tags”).

              The point of the question was why was that exact character used as spacing placeholder, given that it was out of context. After a calmer thinking and taking it as differented from the joke chapter, the answer I arrive at is that GA, ESAVCdeF’L XXXV simply likes (at least fictional) little sisters a whole lot.

              Like

  1. So at the end Anri got herself a buttler…~ Poor last boss.. must be lonely…. he doesn’t get any oponnents either to play with… xD
    At least he got something to do now too… keke I hope there is a side story where he…. greets the pope of the other faction… it would be fun xD

    (Finally made it to the real chapter… xD I think I still mispelled the “big and small” letters several times…. I am ashamed^^)

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      1. Anyway, my (totally planned for) delay aside. Thanks for the chapters! Yes, both of them. The April Fool’s joke was hilarious and when I reached the line which went, “We need to make the Evil God Temple great again.”, I burst out laughing as I realised the joke.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks to your comment on Midoriha comment (which I usually enjoy reading—-don’t tell anybody!!!!), I found my way here, and succeed in becoming the first likers (I think?)

    I have claimed first comment and first like in this site, how joyful.

    Oh, and, WOW SKELETON BUTLER. WOOOOOOOW. I want skeleton butler moore than Sebastian.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. April fools! Or rather, this is the real thing isn’t it?! I have to say Butlers are truly bad ass jack of all trades. Just look at say, Hayate, or Jakob, or that Black Butler! I can just imagine Imperial Death smoothly handling everything, like a BOSS.

    Thanks for the chapter Est!

    Like

    1. Yeah buttler are always powerfull, wise and stylish in japanese works…
      Meanwhile, in a lot of american and english works, they are the killer.

      Like

  4. “It may be best that you refrain from that. It may become a problem to have new humans and demons here.”

    Anri did well to keep those immigrants out and create new jobs for the local populace.

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  5. The only buttler with summoning undead skill put up to good work. And thanks for the good April Fools joke, ESAVCdeF’L XXXV

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  6. Thanks for the chapter.

    Are you planning on translating the special chapters too? I need more Anri in my life, I don’t want this to end soon ;_;

    Like

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