Tilea

Turf War – Chapter 0

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Everybody, please check the FAQ first before asking me questions.
If it’s not on there, please feel free and ask. I only get annoyed at questions when the same one has been asked 10+ times, and by then I’ll have updated the FAQ.
Thank you for your consideration, guys!

First chapter of Arc 1! Enjoy guys!

Chapter 0 – Reunion (April Fools 2016)

The sound of footsteps on stone rang out at even intervals.

In the cold marble temple, each step echoed against the walls.

Before the staircase, those feet stopped.

The blonde girl looked up.

“Camilla. I’ve crawled back from Hell just to meet you.”

Her eyes flared with murderous hatred.

“Oneesama. How long it has been.”

The silver-haired girl, Camilla, mocked her from the dais above.

There was no change in the blonde girl’s expression.

“Where is Milia?”

“Heh,” Camilla sneered, “What if you looked for yourself?”

Wordlessly, the girl ascended the staircase. When she saw what awaited up top, her frozen form betrayed a faint but violent tremble.

“Milia…”

The cold glare, filled with malice, gave way to a helpless and heartbroken gaze.

Sitting quietly on a stone throne was a blonde woman, with dignified features, and slender, pointed ears.

For a moment, the blonde girl seemed to be a lost lamb, powerless before the unchangeable past.

But before half a beat had passed, Camilla had stepped to the side to block her view.

“Remilia has already long forgotten about you.”

Hatred, disbelief, despair, and then a precarious gratitude. In an instant, various emotions flashed through the girl’s blue eyes.

“It’s fine if you’ve forgotten me…”

The girl squeezed out the words.

“Just being alive… is enough for me…”

But Camilla laughed at the girl’s heartfelt words.

“Hahaha! Tilea,” Camilla’s eyes narrowed in mocking, “You are a woman who has already once lost to me. No matter how many times we repeat this, the result will remain the same.”

Tilea thought back to the past. Back to the words that Camilla had thrown at her after their brief exchange, as she lay dying on the ground.

『Oneesama. There is a fatal diffence between the two of us. SHOE-NEN(obsession). You lack SHOE-NEN(obsession).
The SHOE-NEN(obsession) to conquer the world.
The SHOE-NEN(obsession) to pick a side.
The SHOE-NEN(obsession) to keep the woman you love.』

Today was the first time she had seen Camilla again. Not even a little respect for her, remained in Camilla’s eyes.

As the two stared at each other silently, Camilla was the first to break the silence.

“Still,” her eyes narrowing in amusement, “It may yet be fun to crush you in front of your beloved woman again. AYAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAA!”

The silver-haired Camilla tore off her cape, and leapt into the air with a beautiful cry like a singing nightingale.

“WOOOOOOOOOOOR!”

Unwilling to lose, Tilea let out a cry no less beautiful, as she flipped backwards into the air to retreat.

The two landed gracefully in sync.

“Haha, only your skills at running away have improved. But the likes of you can never defeat my techniques.”

“…”

Tilea cracked her knuckles silently in response to Camilla’s mocking.

Camilla now stood in a fighting pose, her flattened hands moving in graceful but threatening undulations. Under the veil of darkness in the temple, it almost seemed like her hands phased from position to position.

Her beautiful pink lips curved yet further upwards.

“Huhuhu, Tilea, I will once again thrust you into hell.”

Before anybody could possibly reply, those dainty fingers shot out at near imperceptible speeds. Over and over, like countless rays of moonlight.

“WAYOWAHOYAWAHHHHHHHH!”

With a graceful cry, she brought those deadly strikes towards the stock still Tilea.

-DOSSHU-

But with a sound, those seemingly countless hands became just the two again, as Camilla’s left wrist was caught in the immovable vice-grip of Tilea’s right hand.

“Nuh-! Wha-!”

Touki(Fighting Spirit) visibly radiated off Tilea’s snow white skin, as she glared at Camilla like a crazed dragon.

“Y-, You truly are different to the old Tilea… Why?”

“SHOE-NEN(obsession). What changed me was the SHOE-NEN(obsession) that you taught me…”

The two of them stared off again in challenge, but under Tilea’s crushing grip, Camilla was the first to retreat.

Like a swan taking flight, she leapt back as though nothing could impede her movements.

“With the way I am now, someone like you isn’t a match for me. Give it up.”

Tilea spoke blandly.

“Hmph! HEHEHAHAHAH! WAATTAAA!”

Camilla’s beautiful face contorted with madness, as she suddenly attacked again.

But to no avail, as Tilea once again leapt back in an instant, as though she had never been there from the start.

Or so it seemed.

-GISHI-

A sickening sound rang out. It was the sound of something overcoming the adhesive bonds of blood and lymph, and new wounds opening up on Tilea’s chest. Horrid gash opened up on her soft, ample bosom, that now threatened to erupt from her tight, damaged blouse.

“Hehehe!” Camilla laughed in glee upon seeing this. “Your SHOE-NEN(obsession) does not amount to much.”

With fast, yet flowing footwork, Camilla circled about the wounded Tilea.

-lick-

Yet Tilea seemed to pay no heed to her mocking, and after touching her wound with her fingertips, she brought her fingers to her luscious lips.

For the first time, she took a stance. Unlike Camilla’s straight, but soft hands, her fingers were curved and spread apart, tensed into claws.

“Camilla. I have seen through all your movements. This is your loss.”

Tilea warned darkly.

“NUU! DO NOT LOOK DOWN ON MEEE!”

A flurry of non-linear slashes and thrusts assaulted Tilea. And yet, shockingly, she dodged every one of them with ease. Even when the arcs of Camilla’s unpredictable attacks seemed to form a cage, Tilea simply avoided them like a leaf in the wind.

-SLAP-

“WATTOOHHHH!”

Tilea landed a backhand slap on Camilla’s face, but before her sliding side kick could connect, Camilla had gracefully backflipped away several times with a cry, before leaping straight into the air.

Spreading her arms, Tilea shot up to follow.

“WAATAOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!”

“ATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!!”

“WAAAACHAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!”

“WASHAASHAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!”

“WAAOOHAAOOHAAOOHHHHHH!!

“HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUWWWWW!!”

Graceful cries, like bells in the night air, echoed past the stone pillars, as each girl exchanged technique after technique in the air.

“YADAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”

“WATAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”

After a final volley of blows, both girls were sent flying back in mid-air. Landing against the vertical surface of two respective pillars, each girl thrust off like hunting hawks, to meet each other for one final airborne confrontation.

“”WAAAARHHHHHHHGHHHHH!!””

[MASHOU: GOKU-SATSU-KEN!]
(DEMON GENERAL: INFERNAL KILLING FIST!)

[JASHIN: HI-EH-KEN!]
(EVIL GOD: FLYING GUARDS’ FIST!)

-PUSHAAAAAAAAA!!!-

Camilla’s spotless clothing inexplicably exploded, leaving her nude, nubile body exposed to the dank temple air.

“Relax. I missed your pressure points on purpose.”

Tilea glared dismissively from above the prone Camilla.

“Return Milia to me.”

“I-
$%^$%^$%^$%^$~

#@$@$@!#$@!#$!@#!@

『What’s that?』

『Sounds like the garbage man.』

『Oh. On Tuesday?』

The sounds of static filled the room for a moment, before transitioning into a completely different scene.

“Wha-!?” screamed Mystic, in shock and disbelief.

“Tony…! YOU DARE TAPE COMMANDO OVER MY… JA’AKUTO SHINKENNNNNN(EVIL DIPPER GOD FIST)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????”

<Previous Chapter | Imouto | Next Chapter> 

If you can’t get into the real chapter, it’s because you’re lacking something. That something is the psswrd.

The solution was,

ss+(2016-04-02+at+09.43.13)

ss+(2016-04-02+at+09.44.10)

The password was  “SHOE-NEN(obsession)”

54 thoughts on “Turf War – Chapter 0”

  1. Pingback: Raid on the Capital – Chapter 32 | お兄ちゃん、やめてぇ！

      1. YOU!! QQ made me so happy when i saw the “Turf War chapter 1” then when i began to read it my heart sank. I HOPE YOUR HAPPY!

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      2. You had me going right until the reveal, man! It’s cruel to make fun of your readers on april fool’s, you know?

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      3. I didn’t understand what was happening… at all.
        Completely clueless.
        Its like those anime series or manga that start up a chapter in the middle of a fight.
        And you have no idea what was going on, who was who, and what was even happening or why.
        And after reading/watching it, you still wonder.
        I really had no idea. Where they fighting? Playing a game? Doing some bumping and grinding?
        Make it clear man. All I read was “Chuunibyou~~~” repeated over and over again without any context.

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          1. ….
            watch? what watch? caveman here watch wall? caveman wall look …wally. Ah, caveman now do splat splat on wall with plant and blood so wall no look wally any more.

            He’s not the only one who is lost lol.

            Liked by 1 person

            Reply

          1. Oh, thanks man, I’m really-

            “This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:”

            why u do this

            But wait! On the character data page, certain letters have been underlined in people’s names! I’ve cracked your-

            *password doesn’t work*

            …well, for some reason Nielsen didn’t have anything underlined in his name, so maybe they just missed that.

            *still doesn’t work*

            why tho

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      2. While trying to look for the real chapter (which i still don’t know where it is Q_Q) i found so many April fool stuff 0-0;; you guys put a lot of effort into this! xD

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          1. lol I see, umm whats the password please? ^^;; since i typed “brain, imagination, vision, intelligence, IQ, eyes, a,o,ao, and variations of the word password didn’t work. Q_Q heeeeelp?

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              1. AHHH that makes sense. >.< as soon as i realized this was April fools chapter i stopped (becuz my heart hurt) xD my mistake

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  8. If you want to make a good joke, you need to make it more believable. If you throw something like that at the start, no one will believe it

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  14. I love how every is getting exited about the revolution on the other post and Grand Arbiter, Estelion Sharlulu Asheel

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  15. I wonder would you guys even remember the actual name of the link once this is over? XD (getting remembered cleaning after up party)

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  17. Oh ?
    So april fool strike twice in Australia ?

    Still trying to decide between two jokes complementary comments, one about boomerangs, and another about inverted toilet flush rotation .. :o/ .. Choices are hard without shoe-nen…

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

      1. SHOE-NEN bring brigthness and colors in your life, it also help relaxing your bowel movements, relieve sore shoulders, increase your endurance, allow you to use a secret technique after you lost 125 pints of blood (because there is no mesure for blood aside pint !), and give you Friendship, Effort, Victory !

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  18. Pingback: Turf War – Chapter 1 | お兄ちゃん、やめてぇ！

  20. err… I get this is a joke, but as if timu would ever get enough mana to kill tilea… after 2000+ years she has a bit over 200k, while tilea from the beginning have 100000k mana… yeah… I guess it was your intention to make a parody out of the shounen genré?

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