Evil God Average

Side Story 8

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If it’s not on there, please feel free and ask. I only get annoyed at questions when the same one has been asked 10+ times, and by then I’ll have updated the FAQ.
Thank you for your consideration, guys!

Chapter 8 – A Certain Undying Butler

“…………Hahhh.”

On the fifth floor of the Evil God Temple, the divine Anri sighed.
She then ran her finger along the window frame. There was dust. In a sense, you could call it the obvious result, but it didn’t used to be dusty.
The reason it was now, was because the human Anri had left with Tena.

“This is a grave situation.”

Among the necessities of life, “clothing” was still okay. Because her Black Rose Dress would automatically clean itself at certain times, far from washing her clothing, she didn’t even need to change it.
But “food” and “shelter” were different stories.

If you didn’t make the food, you wouldn’t have any. Unfortunately, Anri’s cooking skills were not that great. Her food wasn’t bad, but neither was it particularly good.
There was no need to even mention the other two gods here.
To begin with, members of the Divine Race sustained itself on faith, and did not need to eat like other beings. And because they neither needed to eat, nor were they capricious enough to learn on a whim, they had no cooking skills to speak of. There had to be some sort of drive or compulsion to obtain the skills to create something you didn’t even need.
Which meant that there was no reason for them to eat, except for pleasure.
Naturally they wanted to eat delicious things for their enjoyment, but Tena who used to prepare it was now gone, so their meals had become heartbreaking. Of course, there was still the option of simply not eating, but now that they had tasted the joys of eating, it was a little hard to go back.

Not only that, Evil God Temple or not, if nobody cleaned it it would naturally become dusty. After Anri became a divine, she could use brooms again now that she was free from her curse, but that didn’t mean that she wouldn’t stealthily escape when it came to cleaning the huge temple.
The living area of the Evil God Temple could only be said to comprise the 5th surface floor, and the 31st subterranean floor, but even those two alone formed quite a large area. Even Tena would have found it impossible to manage. So then how did they used to manage…? The answer was that it was because the place was still a dungeon. With the dungeon master skill, “Dungeon Create”, it was possible to restore the place at the expense of mana. Although you couldn’t say it was impossible to replicate this with a divine Authority, the Authorities had the disadvantage of being too powerful and difficult to moderate. After all, they were essentially abilities used to govern the world.

“The agenda of today’s meeting is to address our falling living standards.”

“Well, I do not mind, but…”

“I shouldn’t be talkin’, but dincha pick the wrong gods for this?”

Three gods sat around a circular table, beginning a ridiculous meeting.

“Well, gotta say, can’t argue with improving the food ‘ere. Your food ain’t bad but, it ain’t particularly good either.”

“I agree with him.”

Anri knew this herself, of course, but she did not find it amusing to have it told right to her face.
So she argued back.

“Deadbeats can’t be choosers. Why don’t you two make something then.”

“Can’t.”

“It is impossible for me.”

Anbaal and Sophia immediately rejected it.
Even Anri didn’t think they had an atom of cooking skill. She just wanted to say it. Because of that, she backed down with a sigh.

“Well? What are we gunna do now? It ain’t like I can’t drag a few people who can do housework, back from the Demon Territory, but…”

“It may be best that you refrain from that. It may become a problem to have new humans and demons here.”

“Ya think?”

“Yeah. After all, there’s this strange situation where all three rulers of the world are bunking together here…”

Anri agreed with Sophia’s words.
Very few people knew that Sophia and Anbaal were living at the Evil God Temple. If it was leaked to the world, other countries might even invade to secure the Thearchy for themselves.

“Which means,” continued Anri, “that it’s a matter of which one of the people living here can do housework.”

Considering the purpose was to put a lid on inconvenient information, it naturally excluded the believers, foreigners, humans and demons from the third surface floor down, as well. Which naturally meant that their options were extremely limited. Once you excluded the trio who left the temple with the human Anri, the only candidates left were the dungeon bosses.

“Vnee.”

“No way.”

“With its large body… To begin with, it is quadrapedal.”

They didn’t even have staff to select from.
Of course there was no way the 20-metre long Black Dragon Vardneel could possibly do cooking and cleaning.

“The Anreal Armour.”

“Still impossible.”

“I must conclude the same way.”

It was the same for the 5-metre tall orichalcum living armour. It was a little better than Vardneel in that it was the right shape at least, but it really was too large for housework.
To begin with, it had no ego, so cooking and the like was impossible.

“…Imperial Death.”

“…Certainly, at least his size is of no complaint, but…”

“…Think he can do it?”

All that was left was the last boss of the dungeon.
Anri, Sophia and then Anbaal all thought of him in their minds.
There was no problem with his size because he was the same size as humans and demons.
His shape was fine too, since he was humanoid.
But then, as to whether they thought he could cook and clean, the three gods really had no idea.

“Anyway, let’s ask him.”

With those words, Anri decided to call Imperial Death there.

◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆

“Well then, please enjoy.”

“…Yeah.”

“…Yeh.”

“…I-, I shall partake.”

The three gods were overwhelmed by the sight before them.
Just looking at how carefully made the various dishes were, they already seemed delicious. That alone was a good thing, but it gave them a massive shock that all this was created by an undead who looked basically like a skeleton. Particularly shocked was Anri, whose heart was in shreds from realising that she lost to him.

“Yummy.”

“Pretty good.”

“Quite delicious, isn’t it.”

And the taste of the food did not betray its appearance.

“I am humbly overjoyed by your words.”

Imperial Death gave a bow, with refined movements that brought to mind a skilled butler.
Not only that, but from start to finish, all his attention focused on Anri. Although he served food to Sophia and Anbaal as well, that was nothing more than giving face to Anri. All of his loyalty belonged solely to Anri.
Considering his history, you could say it was admirable that he wasn’t simply attacking the God of Light.

“Please entrust the cleaning to me as well.”

With that, Imperial Death spread his arms towards an empty space in the room.

“Come forth, my kin.”

Responding to the summons of the Emperor of the Undead, numerous undead appeared on the spot.

“Now, my kin. Polish every nook and cranny of this corner. For the sake of Anri-sama.”

With those words, the undead produced brooms and dust cloths from who knows where, and paying no heed to the dumbfounded gods, immediately scattered to clean.
The large Evil God Temple was cleaned up at incredible speeds by the power of numbers.

Skeletons swept the floors with brooms. Wraiths cleaned the walls with cloths. The whole thing was just surreal to watch, but there was no problem with the results.
In less than a moment, the 5th surface floor and 31st subterranean floors were spotless, and now sparkled like they were newly built.

“How was it?” said Imperial Death proudly.

Anri could only nod up and down in a daze.

“Not only this. Allow me to also receive guests and pass messages along, manage your schedule, deal with the defence, deal with the finances, and all the other odd jobs.”

“I-, I see…”

Why was this lofty Undead Emperor showing off his housekeeping skills…? Or so she wondered in her heart, but Anri still nodded.
Incidentally, the reason he was so desperate was because there was nothing to do in his job as the last boss.

“Well then, please keep up the good work.”

“Understood! I will serve you with all my body and soul!”

Keeping back his trembles of emotion, Imperial Death lowered his head politely and neatly, into a perfect bow.

*妹*

*妹*

*妹*

*妹*

*妹*

*妹*

*妹*

This was the moment that Imperial Death, “31st Floor Boss” and “Butler”, was born.

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148 thoughts on “Side Story 8”

      3. i went to aprills foll 2016 and copy pasted the passworld several time (yes even the (?) but it didn’t work ) i tried multiple times but it didn’t work help me pls thx in advance

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  5. Is this chapter for real or just early April’s Fool?
    I reckon the second (or at least, the second half is the second).

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      4. And here I thought it meant Anri was on Nihon time.

        What is Trump’s position on making Australia great again?

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    1. Step 1. Look at the date
      Step 2. Facepalm.
      (Just incase you read it at the wrong time, I’ll just make it clear that this chapter was posted when April 1st started in Australia)

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  8. I am not sure if that’s a joke chapter or the real one… on one hand it’s no the first april yet by…. about nine hours from my point of few… on the other hand… this chapter seems fake… but it’s still somewhat close enough to the previous style… at least in terms of beeing ridicolous and funny…..
    Welp….. a great man made the Anri-Nation greater yet again! You did exceedingly well mysterious blond man who speaks about stakes! xD

    Welp… whatever thanks for the (fake?) chapter~ xD

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      1. Early first april huh?~

        Ah than you pretty much got me than~ I did suspect something after all the talk about food and all those repeated adjectives… but I wasn’t sure either so I guess it count’s as success…. yeah I think those are the words of a slightly salty loser trying to save face… I also think this slightly sore loser failed at his objective…~

        Will do~

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  15. t-this is…. april fools!!!
    in my place is still 4 hours before the april fools day… yet i already got dunked on….

    damn!!!…. but good and funny…. so its okay…..

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  16. Thanks a lot—!

    Ship Anbaal and Anri—! Kyaa—! He conceded that her food was average, ahaha! (Yes, I take what I can get!)

    -puts hand to forehead, shielding eyes, despairingly- I should have known…I had an inkling partway…
    but, so that was what the picture was about…

    (On a side note, the moment I saw that picture on my wordpress updates page, I went ‘Oh my goodness!’.
    A negative connotation, of course)

    Anyway…Trolled. I was totally trolled. It’s already the second time today, seriously!
    I should have known since the moment Anri talked about a man with blonde hair…
    -shakes head- Her thinking about cleanliness in the beginning threw me off! Gah—!

    I didn’t know what those other kingdoms parelleled to though, so i just took it at surface level, haha!

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          1. I’m a loser, and I accept it.
            …I see what you’re doing there, ok! Boo—-! Boo to that horrid guy—-! -shows one thumbs down, then after a few seconds pause, shows two thumbs down-

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    1. By the way, you said in other comments that the True Chapter was in the garage.
      But where?
      I searched, but I couldn’t find it…

      Is it under “April Fool 2016”?
      If yes, then it’s password protected.
      If not, then I couldn’t find it :'(

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  25. Yeah!!! And like Trump says, make the others pay for your own Great Wall !
    And if they don’t want to pay? Then stop all change with them and let all your OWN citizens die! So that once everyone is poor then the others will fell bad…

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  27. Where is that garage where you parked that white van along with the real chapter? Where is the key as well?

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  30. Hahaha good read, regardless if joke chapter or not.
    Got cheated though, only 10.14pm March 31st where I am.

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  34. 　　　＿＿＿＿
    　 ∧＿∧　∧＿∧＼
    ／( ･`ω´･ ) ( ･`ω´･ ) ＼
    |￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣|
    | THANKS!!　NEPU!! |
    |＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿|

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  39. It seems that your hint isn’t displayed properly when browsing through WordPress mobile app, I wasted quite a bit of time looking for it.
    I’m so dumb I wasted even more time solving it though

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  42. WE’LL MAKE THE THEARCHY GREAT AGAIN!

    Hahaha, had a good laugh. Thanks for this Este! Anri’s trump impression is great. Down to the illogical yet charismatically delivered speeches.

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. Yeah, each time I see him, I think it look like he has some kind of dead animal on his head (if there are animals that have this kind of color in nature…)

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  53. Anri-sama is a genius. When you have that kind of negative economic relationship with nearby countries, drastic measures must sometimes be taken in order to improve or even maintain living conditions. Here we see that an influx of foreigners is not only introducing thing like drugs and crime, but also disrupting the workforce. In the end, the relationship between the two contries will move from symbiotic to parasitic. I hope politicians and world leaders will learn from Anri-sama and hopefully make an actual effort to make America a better place for actual American citizens. Instead, there have been pushes to allow noncitizens to vote in the presidential elections. This is OUR country! Lets build a great wall, and keep out the Mongols!

    Liked by 1 person

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  57. “A man who was known for building great, great walls, for great, great deals, and great, great steaks.”

    Um……………………Steak or stake?

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  58. I became suspicious at the foreigner rant, and then KNEW at “some, I assume, are good people.” XD XD XD

    Also, I was watching the douchebag too often on CNN before I fell asleep and then had a dream where I snatched his wig off his head and ran away.

    Liked by 2 people

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  59. Will the real chapter be unlocked?

    I don’t know what I do wrong, but I can’t get the password.
    (maybe because I only have my phone at the moment)

    *壁* found these, typed the name of the guy in the picture in different combinations (uppercase, with spaces without etc)

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  61. Aww damn I think I missed the fun :( was too busy to read the last couple days. Anyways, thanks for the chapter and happy late birthday este!

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  64. the expensive of the mana?
    do you mean the expense of the mana?
    this really bugged me since i read that april fool’s chapter o.o

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  65. thanks a lot—!
    wahaha! nice! he’s got excellent skills! and thus, the most powerful butler was born this day—! kyaa—! cool, cool, so cool! lol, him just giving face to the other two! all he cares about it anri! so adorable and loyal! nice!

    Liked by 1 person

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  66. Nice Work and thanks for the translation!
    I just wanted to tell you that I converted this story(both books) into a file .mobi, in order to be read easily on the kindle app of my mobile.
    Are you interested in these files?

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  67. They’re on this Dropbox folder
    https://www.dropbox.com/sh/pnmi3qxb290uum2/AAD-spxQWcXL3y5-kbKTFRAwa?dl=0
    If you have a kindle app (I only tested it on Samsung Kindle) you can just put them on your mobile phone. If you have a Kindle, you can try to read it in the same way (if they don’t work, I can try to convert them to .epub). Otherwise, you can download an ebook reader for your pc and read them there.
    If you have any problems, let me know.

    Liked by 1 person

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  68. Haah. Read through all of this in three days. Not a particularly long story, but at the same time I feel like I should’ve paced myself to enjoy it more thoroughly. Still, I’m glad I had a chance to read it, so thanks for all the hard work.

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  70. Pingback: Commemoration SS: Autobiography – “Anri and Her Happy Friends” | お兄ちゃん、やめてぇ！

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