Evil God Average

Cthulhu Average – 19

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Sukumizu Marie Rose, because why not?

If you’ve read Arifureta, you’ll have come across it often, but if not, a ‘yakuza kick’ is basically a rough front kick performed with either the heel or the whole foot, typically aimed stomach or chest level. In some kickboxing styles, it’s known as a stomp kick.

Like this: http://blog-imgs-27.fc2.com/s/y/u/syukanwakame/1240700734818.jpg

Chapter 19 – Starvation Tactics

The goals of the intruders who come to this dungeon are varied, but if I had to roughly classify them, they’d be those looking for money, and those looking for fame.
If you succeeded in conquering a dungeon, you’d receive quite a reward after all, and if that dungeon’s level of difficulty was high, then your name and fame would spread.
With the spread of the Evil God rumours, I was worried that my income sourc-… I mean, the number of adventurers would decline, but I really didn’t have to worry because they began to increase instead.
Apparently even the guild was getting frustrated with the lack of progress with the dungeon capture, and increased the reward.
Drawn by the promise of 100 gold coins, each day an average of 10 parties would come to the dungeon in challenge, and after using up all their strength in the top floors, they’d be thrown out to the upper floors.
At present, nobody has reached the redeployed No Life King yet.

…*

However, since 3 days ago, the intruders suddenly stopped coming.

…*

I was spending each day toiling away at assorting the weapons and armour since they were always being collected and sent in, but suddenly nothing was coming.
Wondering what was going on, I had a look at each of the dungeon floors, but they were filled with only monsters, and not a trace of an intruder.

On the first day, I was being optimistic and thinking “Well, I guess there are days like this too.”.

On the second day, I began to think “Something’s wrong.”.

And then today, on the third day, having decided that there was something abnormal about the situation, I decided to have Tena secretly search around the dungeon.

..*

“Anri-sama, it’s terrible! The area around the dungeon has been sealed off!”

Having come back into the dungeon through a back entrance after I told her to check the surroundings, Tena came flying in with a changed expression.

“Sealed off? Who did, and why?”

Did the Adventurers Guild create a blockade because of the dangers of this dungeon?
But there hasn’t been a single death yet, and in a sense, this is the safest dungeon in the world.
I don’t think there’d be a reason for the guild to do such a thing.

“I do not know! There are people gathered near the entrance to the dungeon and working on some kind of project, and among them are people creating a blockade and forcefully turning back the adventurers who are coming here from town!”

A project near the dungeon entrance?
At the very least, as long as they’re forcefully turning away adventurers, it probably isn’t something the Adventurers Guild is doing, and if it was the Guild, they could just withdraw the reward after all.
It’s no good. Just hearing what Tena said doesn’t help me understand the situation at all.
Thinking that I might figure something out if I had a look with my own eyes, I got off my fat butt.

Just as I was about to teleport into the rear exit, I remembered that Leonora taught me darkness magic and I now had a means of observing things from a distance.
If I used that, there wouldn’t be a need to go all the way outside… Wai-, in that case, does that mean that I didn’t need to send Tena out either?
This was supposed to be a good chance for me to go outside for the first time in a while, but it seems that my hikikomori lifestyle got extended.
It feels like I’ll get fat from the lack of exercise.
Ah-, the “fat butt” that I mentioned earlier isn’t a physical description, so don’t misunderstand.
I was talking about the possibility of getting fat in the future, and by no means am I fat right this moment.
As you can see, even my stomach is… -squish-… ah-…

◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆

I teleported a crow that I made of mana to the back entrance of the dungeon.
I wasn’t using the dungeon core’s screen, and instead was using a mirror made from darkness magic that showed me what the crow heard and saw.
Though it had the benefit of not necessarily being limited to the dungeon, in exchange there was a need to move the crow from place to place which wouldn’t be instant, so it used more mana than my abilities as a dungeon master.
But as for the mana expenditure, going from how much mana I have, it really isn’t much, so I don’t really mind all that much.

After flying out from the back entrance and soaring into the sky, the crow moved to a place where I could see the dungeon entrance, and stopped on a tree.
In the mirror that reflected the vision of the crow were people working on something or other around the dungeon entrance, just like Tena said.
The entrance to this dungeon is on a small hill by the side of a lake that you can reach by following one of the highways to the end.
Around the entrance, there’s a bit of flat ground, but because nobody’s really maintaining it, it’s a mess of grass and weeds that grow as much as they want.
No, perhaps it would be better to say that “it was” a mess of grass and weeds.
It probably happened during these last 3 days, but the grass was mown, the few trees that should have been growing here were cut down, and the space was just like an open plaza now.
And in that place were people measuring the ground for something, as well as carried in materials here and there.

…It’s almost as though they’re building something, but to think they’d construct something near my dungeon of all places.

『Harvin-sama! We have finished measuring the land.』

『Well done. Tell the results to the planning team, and then have a rest.』

『Sir!』

Ah-, amongst the people working was somebody that I recognised.
The person firing off instructions to the people around him was the blonde priest that had been in charge of the sabbath the other day.
Which means… It can’t be that the ones doing the construction are the Evil God Cult, can it?
I’m kind of getting an incredibly bad feeling about this.

『It seems that the adventurers are trying to forcefully break through the blockade!』

『!? I will head there immediately, so hold on! They can not be allowed to interfere with the construction of the temple devoted to our god!』

『Understood!』

Geh-, I knew it.
It seems that my bad feeling was immediately proven to be correct.
I was just trying to act like the Evil God when I told them to be zealous in their faith, but building a temple is probably too zealous.
Just how much money are they planning on investing in this?
He looks like he’s in the early half of his twenties, so I was finding it weird that he was the group leader, but could it be that the young priest comes from a rich merchant or noble family?

To begin with, what do they want from the Evil God anyway?
From what Leonora said, the Evil God doesn’t even exist in this world, so although I don’t know how many times they’ve held a sabbath like the other day, they probably haven’t gotten anything back from them.
All they’re really doing is making useless endeavours.

Wai-, is it my fault!?
Up until now the (fake) object of worship hadn’t shown them any responses, but if they then received words and a treasure from offering a sacrifice, then I can assent to their rampage right now.

『You’re the leader of these fuckers!? We’re adventurers here to challenge the dungeon, so why the fuck are you getting in our way!?』

『Blasphemous fools who would challenge our god, in Her place, I shall hand down your death penalties. I swear on this divine weapon granted as the proof of our faith, that I will not let anybody pass!』

The adventurers were climbing over the barricades, while the young priest was standing in their way.
A critically tense atmosphere filled the whole area.

『Shit, you’re fucking insane! Oi, let’s clear these fuckers out!』

『AAHH!』

『Fool, fool, FOOL――! I am the agent of your divine punishment, Sect Founder Harvin! En garde!』

But wow, that priest sure is into it.

『Fucken eat this!』

『A pathetic effort!』

When the adventurer had tried to cut him down, the young priest──Harvin, met their blade with the staff in his hand.
The moment that their two weapons collided, following a high pitched sound, part of the adventurer’s sword was sent flying from halfway down the blade.

『I-, It can’t be…』

『Behold the might of our god!』

After sending the dumbfounded adventurer flying with a yakuza kick, Harvin held up the staff in his hands to the heavens.
Black lightning ran along the staff, and shot out towards the adventurers.

『GUAHHHHHHHHH―――!』

『G-, God damn it…』

A number of people could bear it without collapsing, but Harvin ran towards them and brought down his staff.

『IMMEDIATE!』

『GUGYAH-!?』

『PUNISHMENT!』

『GOHU-!』

『PUNISHMENT, PUNISHMENT, DIVINE PUNISHMENT――――!』

『…-!』

The adventurers couldn’t move well because of the lightning damage, and Harvin knocked them out one by one.
By the time he stopped, his breathing rough, all of the adventurers were lying on the ground.

『OOHHH! As expected of Harvin-sama!』

『Our Sect Founder!』

The surrounding followers looked at him with reverent eyes.
Nobody else is commenting on it, so I’ll be commenting but, even though he’s a priest, he was actually a melee class this whole time!?
He used a lightning attack, but there was no chanting, so that was probably the power of the staff. Harvin himself used nothing but hand-to-hand combat. Even though I completely thought that he was a mage or a cleric, so I gave him a staff… This is fraud.
Wai-, couldn’t I have just looked at his status?

『All by the guidance of our god. The rest of you must strive further in your devotion.』

『Sir!』

I’m not guiding you, I’m definitely not guiding you.
At the very least, I wouldn’t do this sort of thing.

『Now then, please toss them outside the barricade or something.』

『Understood.』

Having told them to throw out the unconscious adventurers, he returned to giving instructions on the construction of the temple.

But still, Harvin was stronger than expected.
As you’d expect, he’s weaker than Leonora, but if the Hero(lol) was careless, wouldn’t Harvin be a match for him?
At this rate, no matter how many adventurers come, they’ll probably just be eliminated and won’t make it to the dungeon.

I don’t know how long it’ll take to finish the temple, but at the very least it seems that the time required will be in the order of years.
If I lose my income source-, I mean, the adventurers, then I’ll probably run dry before the temple is finished.
Even if the temple is completed before I do run dry, all it’ll do is stop more adventurers from coming, so in the end it’s the same.

S-, Starvation tactics are for cowards…-!

I tried borrowing Leonora’s words, but these guys aren’t doing that on purpose, and out of goodwill instead, which makes it all the more terrible.
If I play the Evil God again and told them to stop, then I think they’d listen, but I can’t think of a good reason for telling them to stop the temple construction.
I’m beat. I can’t think of anything.

Oh yeah, it’s at times like this that the Hero is supposed to appear, right?
I want him to crush the plot of these detestable cultists, and take back my peace and quiet.
Where the heck did those guys go, anyway?

While entrusting a thread of hope to that Hero Party coming back and crushing the ambitions of the cultists, I looked resentfully at the progressing construction.

tl note: this is how I pictured Harvin’s fighting style:

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82 thoughts on “Cthulhu Average – 19”

    1. Why doesn’t she say something like “Those adventurers are my source of entertainment. I love seeing how they enthusiastically struggling to reach my place, yet failed miserably and then wail in despair.“

      Liked by 14 people

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      3. I was totally thinking that too. It would be enough to tell them to let the adventurers through because it’s amusing, no need for evil words or anything. Anyway, the more pressing matter is that her stomach is getting squishy, gotta fix that. Maybe starvation tactics are good after all for a diet?

        Liked by 4 people

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  4. Thank you very much, Holy Sheeprabbit. One serving of ‘Epic Battle between the Leader of the Cult of the Evil God and the Evil God, Herself’, please. With a side of ‘Comedic Misunderstandings’ and a whiff of ‘Anri x Tena’. To-go.

    Liked by 6 people

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  9. Guess you learn something everyday, cheers for the chapter!

    Also, “The goals of the intruders who come to this dungoen are varied,” dungeon

    “I was spending each day toiling away at assorting the weapons and armour” sorting

    Liked by 1 person

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  10. -Whoah. . . another “barely illegal” sexy pict (first pict, and I revise my lolicon statement)
    -Wahahahah. . .! What a LoL-full story (the story itself)
    -Is that Yoraikun? (last video)

    Liked by 1 person

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      1. This one certainly remembers reading that, but as the chapter in which it was written had not been given such a name this one assumed it to be simple trivia. After the slight delay before the next chapter and due to the copious amounts of assorted fictions this one devours each day, this one ashamedly forgot about that declaration.

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        1. Ah, it’s just a bit of a running joke stemming from the day that I was reading google translations of Cthulhu Opposes the Heavens (Ni Tian Xie Shen) (translated here: https://alyschu.wordpress.com/main-projects/)

          So I told her: https://alyschu.wordpress.com/2015/05/17/ni-tian-xie-shen-against-the-gods-chapter-44-immortal-blood-of-the-evil-god/comment-page-1/#comment-2990

          And she replied: https://alyschu.wordpress.com/2015/05/17/ni-tian-xie-shen-against-the-gods-chapter-44-immortal-blood-of-the-evil-god/comment-page-1/#comment-3038

          Got bored, and yeah.

          Liked by 6 people

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  14. Personally, I’d tell the cultists to stop interfering with the adventurers because it insults Mr that they think I can’t take care of a few pests, or saying that I enjoy watching them try or something.

    Then if they continue to interfere I’d go out there disguised and beat them with a mace or something, later tell them my chamain did it and next time I’d personally smite them.

    Liked by 1 person

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  17. Whoops?

    I would suggest ‘tell them to change the church into a toll booth’ but she takes all their stuff when they pass out anyway.

    Hmm…

    I know! I would say ‘The dungeon is a test of worth! Those who come in are worthy challengers who I wish to test upon the forge of my will! Do not bar their way! Instead, aid those who come out unconscious so that they may spread word of my might!’

    Yeah, that would work. :D

    Liked by 3 people

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  20. Should’ve thrown those idiots out immediatly… But nooooo hands them an item that proves their insane ramblings…

    Now that she’s assumed the identity of their Evil God, why doesn’t she abuse that to the fullest? She’s supposed to be evil, so send the followers out to do good deeds disguised as evil stuff… Ahh Anri you’re killing me >_>

    Thanks for the new chapter Stally-chan

    Liked by 1 person

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  21. Onii-chan, Hajime likes to use wrestling moves like the “Rolling Savate Kick”. It’s almost the same, only with a halfspin? Or something like that. Hard to explain.

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  22. anri is going for Lazy…

    i won’t be suprised if she turn into a fat behemoth or somthin scarier… mufu

    thanks for the chap… :3

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  23. Oh god, the sight of a Priest like character just bludgeoning people into submission with a staff is hilarious. He ain’t no pansy support magic priest, HE’S A BATTLE PRIEST! Putting dem stats into Str, Vit, and Dex!

    Thanks for the chapter!

    Liked by 1 person

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  26. anri should just have the cult loot the defeated adventurers and give most of the loot to anri as offerings

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  27. This chapter amuses me greatly. And that image is perfect, I don’t know how, but it’s perfect.

    I aprove of this. Thanks for the chapter not-lolicon-Sheeprabbit!

    Liked by 1 person

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  29. She really knows how to bring/create trouble to herself. Really suited as an Evil God!
    Thanks for the chapter!

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  30. The demonic bird that lives outside my window and exists solely to disturb my sleep woke me up this morning, but I forgive you bird THIS TIME because of ani-ue’s brilliance!!!

    Also why does waking me up from my precious rest bring joy to so many….

    Also Anrisama wants the hero to save her…. XD

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  33. Somehow reading about yakuza kick reminds me of Zero Punctuation’s Yakuza 4 review.

    “The face is the sources of all evil”

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  37. I say that the Temple is karma for being a 17 year old girl watching porn in the middle of the night and then kidnapping a naked 8 year old, little girl into a quiet room. However, I am kinda hoping that the temple is somehow quickly build and that Anri gives it Divine Protection. I really want to see how that turns out.

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  38. I mean Hell, she just keeps digging herself in deeper.

    Her are some missed flags

    *[Teleport Lily to residential area]*
    [Teleport Harvin to No life King]

    [YOU DARE SPILL BLOOD IN MY HOUSE?]
    *[Untasty…]*

    [Have Tena turn in Dungeon Crystal]
    *[Double down and stay home]*

    Liked by 1 person

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  45. If I was Anri, I’d ask Demon princess to brought me to her fater, Demon King.
    Then marched the divined army to reduced human to reasonable margin.
    May be force human to live underground like in Gurrn Lagun might work just fine to control human population.

    Sadly yet funnier, Anri wasn’t me.
    So I’ll enjoy looking(reading) her turn the cult into charity organiser.

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      1. Oh, I mean I guess Anri will turn those bad guys into good guys.
        Cos she clearly had no guts to told them to kill, rob or any brutal stuff neither to others nor themselves for her offerings, right?

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  48. Pingback: Cthulhu Average – 18 | お兄ちゃん、やめてぇ！
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